[Editors Needed] Io Psionic Alien Herm on Canadia

[RequiemForAMeme]

This is my second attempt at writing content. I tried to make Io once as an info broker and get as much content at once as physically possible. Which didn't pan out well. I dropped that content real fast. Link here to the thread for the curious: https://forum.fenoxo.com/threads/wip-io-a-psionic-alien-information-broker-on-tavros.4109/

So here I am with Io Redux. She's on Canadia now, no longer an Info Broker and her store is mainly a VR lounge. Still heavily inspired by the Asari and Protoss among other similar races. She has one sex scene which is repeatable and one VR scene. I am adding more and plan to continue so.

Here's the Doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/14YGqkA2p0FL87y5CyHEq0vVfqfn-yz7k1o4Nf_M81Jw/edit?usp=sharing

Codex for those of you who care: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jaXdXG43kx1JZCTdX2PgLGwwadwF80ntojgpAi87Mvo/edit?usp=sharing

As with the previous thread this is my pretty much first attempt at writing smut so I'm looking for feedback and criticism. What do you people like about this stuff? Did I go to far or not far enough? Did I break any rules I may have over looked? If something needs to be changed, tell me why and how. If a creator or another person who has submitted content could look it over and tell me what I need to do to make it better I would be very appreciative. Grammar Edits are also welcome.

I'm working full time now, so I have less free time than before. So I probably won't be able to comment or reply as fast as I would like. Same with making changes to my docs. To the impatient, I am sorry (Not sorry).

Cheers - Requiem

Edit: I need editors for what I currently have before I go any further. S.O.S. Help. Looking for sexy editors near me.
Here's a version of a more clean basically finished doc - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JXjafMufMXPTW9urI2v10bm-VMmDoLhEhBrMjPqAzf4/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Captain Kiera]

Well, I see the rest of my day has been filled for me. See you in a few hours with a review.

 

[Captain Kiera]

Ok i`ve read it once,eaten dinner and showered, then read it again. I think i`m ready.

First and forsemost let me tell that I I really enjoyed Io. She is already a lovly character and I can only see her becoming more so with more content and polish.

You`ve already said yourself that you want to add more to her talk scenes, with is good so for now i`ll leave this alone.
One thing that this Character could use is an attraction an/or submissive tracker, with her dialogue changing as it goes form 0% to 100%.

The VR is a cool idea and i hope you get some of the writers attention with that.

Where i`m gonna be a little hard on you is the sex Scene. As in that there is only 1.You made the same sex scene twice, with the only difference being in the first paragraph. You should just code it so that it includes that paragraph if it`s the first time and then exclude if it`s not. Anyway, if we come back to the fact that there is only one sex scene, this is fine considering you`re still writing the character, but in the future I would like to see more sex scene. Whether you stick to only oral scenes is up to you, but personally I think this character is perfect for getting the Steele pregnant.( considering what I read in the codex you could even make it a kink of hers)

Also i`m quite a bit disappointed with how passive she is during the sex scene. In the future i`d like(more like love) to see a scene where she face fucks Steele.(The harder the better) I even got an idea for you. In the Codex entry under Sexuality you discribed how if Tassai go for to long without release they "go frezied state of lust" so how about adding a tracking system that checks how long it`s been since you`ve had sex with her. Then when you visit Canadia it checks this system, thus leading to her being there waiting for you when you land.(She`s psychic she can know when Steele`s close) This then leads to her draging(silly mode: levitating) you back onto the ship/back to her shop so she can get rid of the pressure.

To finish of a lot of what this submissions is simply more time. From you`re side time to put in more content and polish whats already there, while form our side( other posters and creators) time to notice your post and following it`s journey( this is helped by staying active with the post, whether it`s updates to the character or replying to the comments you get) Now i know you said you`re gonna be working full time, but what matters is that you try, not that you answer every comment.

Hope your muse stays strong, so that I can see more content in thee future.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

I had some free time this morning. So I changed some things and wanted to give you a reply. I plan on working on it more this weekend.

You`ve already said yourself that you want to add more to her talk scenes, with is good so for now i`ll leave this alone.
One thing that this Character could use is an attraction an/or submissive tracker, with her dialogue changing as it goes form 0% to 100%.

That's the plan as of right now. I have some ideas for private conversations that she'll only share with you in private. Sub tracker will take a little more time on my part.

Where i`m gonna be a little hard on you is the sex Scene. As in that there is only 1.You made the same sex scene twice, with the only difference being in the first paragraph. You should just code it so that it includes that paragraph if it`s the first time and then exclude if it`s not. Anyway, if we come back to the fact that there is only one sex scene, this is fine considering you`re still writing the character, but in the future I would like to see more sex scene. Whether you stick to only oral scenes is up to you, but personally I think this character is perfect for getting the Steele pregnant.( considering what I read in the codex you could even make it a kink of hers)

You are completely right about the sex scenes so I merged both scenes into one with the beginning dialogue interchangeable, with a first time and repeat. I plan on adding a lot more sex scenes.

Also i`m quite a bit disappointed with how passive she is during the sex scene. In the future i`d like(more like love) to see a scene where she face fucks Steele.(The harder the better) I even got an idea for you. In the Codex entry under Sexuality you discribed how if Tassai go for to long without release they "go frezied state of lust" so how about adding a tracking system that checks how long it`s been since you`ve had sex with her. Then when you visit Canadia it checks this system, thus leading to her being there waiting for you when you land.(She`s psychic she can know when Steele`s close) This then leads to her draging(silly mode: levitating) you back onto the ship/back to her shop so she can get rid of the pressure.

I already have some ideas for one or two scenes where she face fucks the PC. However I never thought of her going into her species lust frenzy. (Insert I'm not a smart man image) Holy. Shit. That gave me so many ideas. Thank you sir.
Cheers - Requiem

 

[Captain Kiera]

You`re welcome, can`t wait to see what you come up with. I have a thing for oral sex and you`ve set up an interesting scenario with the "orgasm through giving oral",would love to see more of it.

What are you`re reasoning for her being on Canadia. Its seems ok to me, in the sense that it makes content for a world with little content instead of putting her on a world full too bursting with other npc`s, but you might need more then that.

Something i forgot in the review was something I read in the Codex entry, with is fine by the way, just needs to get it looked at and make some small changes to fit the world, but Fenfen will help with that when the time comes.(maybe, I`m quite new to the forum, so I don`t know how much of the main coding he does) Anyway, the bit in the entry that interested me was under Reproduction, where it mentions how:
A Tassai with enough control over her psionic power is able to “mold” their sexual organs to the length and width of her partner during the act of intercourse. This is considered by Tassai culture to be the greatest of romantic gestures.
This is interesting and should be used with Iolanaskar(http://es.memegenerator.net/instance/64457818)

While you polishing up the character and waiting to be "noticed" what are you`re thoughts on things to add in the future. Like what are thoughs on mod content(whether she is the one who takes them or asks/makes the pc take them) or if shes gonna interact with other npc`s. This isn`t something you need to add right away, but it doesn`t hurt to have some thoughts, notes or whatever, just to be prepared.

 

[Zavos]

Mouthgasms are a thing for the bimbo version of the treatment. Maybe if you dub down oral fixation a bit, it might be added to the bimbo treatment

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

I was going to make this post yesterday, buy I had to go to a superb owl party. Anyway, I didn't get as much done as I wanted to over the weekend. Added a submission mechanic, a new private talk option, and part of a new sex scene that is still a WIP.

Mouthgasms are a thing for the bimbo version of the treatment. Maybe if you dub down oral fixation a bit, it might be added to the bimbo treatment

I would love for it to be added to the bimbo treatment. Maybe there could be perk overlap like how the Treatment and Dumbfuck can give the same perks. I'm not sure. I just know that when I found out about the buttslutinator and its perk I immediately wanted a perk like that for the PC's mouth.

As always looking for feedback. I'm not sure if I'll have free time this weekend to finish the sex scene so that might be a while.

Cheers - Requiem

 

[eveoflife]

Hnnngh~! She seems like a fun addition. I do wonder though with the cure talk, if the PC can find or fund such a thing.

 

[RequiemForAMeme]

Hnnngh~! She seems like a fun addition. I do wonder though with the cure talk, if the PC can find or fund such a thing.

First Thank You!
Second I plan on making addiction easily manageable. Like either through meditation or maybe a drug. The addiction is more about clear warning signs for the PC that are like "hey, maybe you should take some precautions." If the PC winds up addicted its supposed to be their own damn fault.

On another note. I finished the second sex scene and am quite happy with the amount of content for her as she is now. Looking for editors and such for help on making her actually implementable. I'm pretty sure that are more than a few things that need to be fixed. It's going to be all about refining her current content until further notice

Cheers - Requiem

 

[Captain Kiera]

HNNNNG
Basically my reaction to the new sex scene. Wow, it was hot. If you keep coming(gigety) out with content of this quality, I see no reason this won`t be implemented. All that is necessary beyond updates from you should be time. Time for more members to notice your post and give their imput.
One thing you can add is slight variations based on the PC`s race. While it`s not really needed, it helps raise the overall quality. Also since it`s only oral sex, for now, how about adding something for the PC`s tongue, since there should be a difference between a PC with a normal tongue and one with a 2 foot prehensile Liethian tongue.
Can`t wait to see what you come up with next.

Edit February 19. : One thought i i`ve had recently has to do with the VR. As i`ve already stated it`s interesting in concept, but as it is currently I don`t think it will work. I think you should have the two as seperate docs, the first being Io and her shop, and the second being the whole VR. This will not only help with editing, but it will also make so that Io`s doc doesn`t get overfilled with content that isn`t hers.
You should also think about adding some more content to the VR yourself. The current example is extremely bare bones. There needs to be something there that can drive other content creators to want to add to it. You need to show them what they can do with what you`ve set up, so some ground rules can`t hurt.