What do you get when you combine a subby shemale kaithrit with a mindwash visor on full power? you get a fully obedient sex slave who can't go against your word.
Brainwased kitties
Brainwased kitties
[Editors needed] Erika mindwash visor
- Thread starter Doots
- Start date
Can there be different ways to get that chip since most player would of turned dr badger into a bimbo or to the police for not liking her character and actions long ago and might not want to start from the beginning. Such as with goblin Mitizi and her being add to a quest people beat months or years ago. Other than that i enjoyed it and cannot wait for more erika content
I just looked for the most absurd word possible without going to fake words
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You can now buy it from Colenso if you cant buy it from Badger
but you'll still need the mindwash visor from Badger.
How do you have to buy it from dr badger? since some people might of taken her to prison or turn her into a bimbo. If its the latter then shouldn't the player just find it in her lab without any interruptions or just take it off the bimbo as if its the former then the police would of raided her lab and take all her stuff
It's under her buy menu like her other items
and if she's bimbo/arrested you can buy it from Colenso just like any other item
Ok so, I went over the intro and the first scene, mostly it was just a bunch of speech punctuation issues and a few syntax errors. Also a couple of stylistic suggestions, but those are just my opinions.
I don't have much to say content wise, since hypno doesn't really do anything for me, especially when it's dub-con.
One thing, though - it really doesn't seem in character for Syri to basically rape a semi-conscious girl. It would be totally up to Savin, of course, that's just my take.
I don't have much to say content wise, since hypno doesn't really do anything for me, especially when it's dub-con.
One thing, though - it really doesn't seem in character for Syri to basically rape a semi-conscious girl. It would be totally up to Savin, of course, that's just my take.
I don't know if that's necessary. Public use is something I get the appeal of. My suggestion would be either to make it so it's only ever the random kui-tan who does it, or, if you want to keep Syri in, have Steele give Erika some kind of instruction before you head in to Burt's. Like telling her to blow the first nice dick she sees or whatever. You'd have to change Steele's reaction a bit, but that would add an extra kind of fucked-up when you chastise her for being a slut later on.
Otherwise, I went over the rest of your doc. Just a couple of broad points for future reference:
-When you have a character address someone in speech, you should have punctuation, usually a comma, before and after the term of address, like "Well done, my disciple." rather than "Well done my disciple."
-A few times you use 'as' in a clause where you've already used 'while' or 'as', which makes it sound kinda vague. A lot of the time you can replace it with 'and' or even start a new clause or sentence and it will read better.
-You have a tendency to use the same word or even whole phrases multiple times in consecutive sentences. While it's not strictly wrong to do so, it nearly always reads better if you vary your phrasing and vocabulary up a bit. I'll give you an example, from the doc:
This is a perfect case because that last sentence is really excellent, you did exactly what I'm suggesting, but there's so much repetition of words and phrases in the paragraph as a whole, which in my view makes the prose kinda awkward. Unless you're doing it for stylistic reasons, of course, in which case disregard all this nonsense.
I hope at least some of this was useful!
I don't mean rewriting the entire scene, just rewriting the Syri part of it since I talked to savin over on discord and he said that the pc should be the one initiating Syri fucking other NPCs.
Edits and comments and other such things are always useful.
