Hello All, making this as a side along to Fenoxo's "Bringing in the Bimbo" thread. (There will probably be similiar threads about soon enough) Opening this up to talk about domination and what attracts people to it. Whether they like being in control, having it taken from them or switching. I love submissive content, although kind I looking for seems to be a bit hard to find (atleast for me).. Those scenes where's it's not about humiliation but rather the lover taking control, showing you who's boss and bringing you to orgasm after pleasureable orgasm when your a good pet.
Discussing Domination
- Thread starter EnderMuo
- Start date
Huh? What thread?
I'm a dominant male in real life and enjoy scenes where my PC is in either role. Both humiliation and tender fluff are a-okay.
I'm a dominant male in real life and enjoy scenes where my PC is in either role. Both humiliation and tender fluff are a-okay.
I wish I could contribute anything meaningful... but yeah. I'm basically on the dom side of what IVIysteriousPerson said. Eagerness plays a huge part for me. In-game: Inessa is the perfect personification of what I like.
And when is that goddamn expansion coming - I'M DYING OVER HERE!
And when is that goddamn expansion coming - I'M DYING OVER HERE!
I don't think it's coming at all, unless someone picked up where Jim left off.
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Oh are we talking about real life now? I thought this thread was just for discussing scenes.
In that case, the appeal of D/s to me is two-fold, wanting to have control over someone and wanting to take care of them/be needed.
In that case, the appeal of D/s to me is two-fold, wanting to have control over someone and wanting to take care of them/be needed.
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It can be danced around but at the end of the night there's no avoiding it - domination and submission are about insecurities and the way people alleviate them.
On both sides of it you've got the common fears of false love (that no one truly cares about you and only likes you for your fame or money or looks) which are eased through this dynamic; essentially the partners are trying to make themselves and each other more "special" and connect in some deeper way that assures them that they're not just wanted but needed. Dominants like having their authority respected and being in control of someone can make them feel as though they're more in control of themselves and their life than they are; having someone to take care of you also makes them feel appreciated in ways they might not get anywhere else. Submissives like being provided with a sense of structure (which is another way of imposing order on chaos) and safety; knowing that someone they can count on will be there is comforting and making that person happy gives them a sense of purpose.
When you turn those cards over dominants are afraid of having no power over their life and situation and hate feeling like they're unimportant, unworthy of respect/trust/admiration and therefore love. Since men are taught that they're supposed to be dominant they have an especially volatile relationship with dominance to the point where a lot of them can't help tying their whole sense of self-worth and virility to the idea of having their dominance reinforced and respected - especially when it comes to women since the single greatest fear of the male ego is a woman taking away all of his symbolic boners: his money, his kids, his possessions and of course his woman.
Then with submissives it's all revolving around the fear of both not being wanted and being wanted in scary ways that they can't do anything about. Safety concerns, the sense of being overwhelmed and lost in the frightening situations where those arise (even just in a general sense - a sort of "prey mindset"), are something women will inevitably have to deal with and as with guys and dominance they're generally taught to be submissive and so that can easily compound the sense of powerlessness. And when their self-worth becomes tied with how desired (and therefore fertile) they feel the worst thing is feeling like everyone wants to hunt, conquer, and consume them but no one will care about them.
Dom/sub relations quell those fears and stoke self-worths that are tied to one or the other. Not always in a healthy way (dominants can easily spiral out of control and end up abusing people to feel some sense - any sense - of power and submissives can let themselves be treated this way just to feel desired), and commonly in mildly neurotic ways that don't necessarily go -that- overboard, but knowing what fears people are acting on makes the exact comforts and also eroticisms of different dub and sub stuff more understandable.
On both sides of it you've got the common fears of false love (that no one truly cares about you and only likes you for your fame or money or looks) which are eased through this dynamic; essentially the partners are trying to make themselves and each other more "special" and connect in some deeper way that assures them that they're not just wanted but needed. Dominants like having their authority respected and being in control of someone can make them feel as though they're more in control of themselves and their life than they are; having someone to take care of you also makes them feel appreciated in ways they might not get anywhere else. Submissives like being provided with a sense of structure (which is another way of imposing order on chaos) and safety; knowing that someone they can count on will be there is comforting and making that person happy gives them a sense of purpose.
When you turn those cards over dominants are afraid of having no power over their life and situation and hate feeling like they're unimportant, unworthy of respect/trust/admiration and therefore love. Since men are taught that they're supposed to be dominant they have an especially volatile relationship with dominance to the point where a lot of them can't help tying their whole sense of self-worth and virility to the idea of having their dominance reinforced and respected - especially when it comes to women since the single greatest fear of the male ego is a woman taking away all of his symbolic boners: his money, his kids, his possessions and of course his woman.
Then with submissives it's all revolving around the fear of both not being wanted and being wanted in scary ways that they can't do anything about. Safety concerns, the sense of being overwhelmed and lost in the frightening situations where those arise (even just in a general sense - a sort of "prey mindset"), are something women will inevitably have to deal with and as with guys and dominance they're generally taught to be submissive and so that can easily compound the sense of powerlessness. And when their self-worth becomes tied with how desired (and therefore fertile) they feel the worst thing is feeling like everyone wants to hunt, conquer, and consume them but no one will care about them.
Dom/sub relations quell those fears and stoke self-worths that are tied to one or the other. Not always in a healthy way (dominants can easily spiral out of control and end up abusing people to feel some sense - any sense - of power and submissives can let themselves be treated this way just to feel desired), and commonly in mildly neurotic ways that don't necessarily go -that- overboard, but knowing what fears people are acting on makes the exact comforts and also eroticisms of different dub and sub stuff more understandable.
Given how this subforum is for the game TiTS, I'd suggest posting any similar threads on the general subforum unless it discusses how x issue is handled in the game.
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Unless I have severely misjudged the quantitative and/or the modal aspects of your thesis, I can't really agree with it, however astute and well-worded it may be.
The same range of fears and insecurities you listed can be (and indeed is chosen by the majority of people to be) dealt with without employing extensive D/s dynamics. Moreover, your assessment completely leaves out most 'casual' practitioners of the fetish that do not try to pursue it as a lifestyle, or base the whole relationship with another person around it.
That's not to say those aspects can't one of the reasons for someone to embrace the fetish. Turning the discussion back to TiTS, Sera, being the most content heavy and developed practitioner of D/s in the game, heavily has content that heavily hints at the exact line of reasoning you have listed for potential Doms. Depending on whether or not her sub content will become canon in-game content, she can also swing pretty hard into the mentality you have portrayed as the basis for typical sub behavior, with PC commenting on and lampshading it. However, her other character traits feed into and modify both of the potential power dynamics she may have with the PC to a great extent, so subSera and domSera end up, for the most part, being their own things.
In the end, I will have to echo IVIP and state that for every person engaging in a kink, things that they get from it are different, and even trying to dig deep into the inner-working of a typical human mind won't provide you with a universally applicable answer.
Lastly, I will ask you to abstain from using arguments based on the idea of 'taught'/'normalized'/'instilled' gender roles, because they fail to meet the criteria of being self-sufficient and evident to the other participants of the discussion. But they rarely fail to start a flamewar.
Flagged the thread for moving, might be a good idea to have multiple people do the same.
I was talking -way- more generally. Obviously there are lots of different degrees to it and people can get those same ego-boosting benefits elsewhere. That's mostly about the headspace of the dynamic, where the appeal is and what the psychosexual undercurrents fueling it are. Even with, say, very casual dom content it's helpful when it comes to writing (or even reading it) to know exactly where the buttons are and what's appealing about pushing them. Otherwise you might just end up writing some clownish buffoon who no one takes seriously as a dom because they try way too hard.
also I only bring those up because they're kind of important to that end. Like, half the thrill of submission for a guy can be in rejecting the idea that they're supposed to be dominant and that their whole ego should revolve around it - that's the lion's share of the appeal of dominatrix stuff. That's something unique to the experience that can make content exciting; shying away from it just because it's touchy when a lot of dom/sub content touches on these ingrained gender roles sounds overly cautious.
also I only bring those up because they're kind of important to that end. Like, half the thrill of submission for a guy can be in rejecting the idea that they're supposed to be dominant and that their whole ego should revolve around it - that's the lion's share of the appeal of dominatrix stuff. That's something unique to the experience that can make content exciting; shying away from it just because it's touchy when a lot of dom/sub content touches on these ingrained gender roles sounds overly cautious.