Danc Submission Cave

[Dancreas]

Hello, I'm Danc! I'm officially beginning my plans for world domination by writing smut for CoCII! I just wrote my first scene and have submitted it through the correct channels!
I see that most people that have a catalogue of work for these games have made themselves a little forum post and I decided to do the same. I plan on writing much more than just this first scene! I also expect that there will be corrections to make on said first scene. After that I'm going to start making some enemy NPC encounters.
I hope to make myself useful for the game's betterment. Not just for writing my own filthy fantasies! I love CoCII, not just smut! Give me mucho constructive criticism! I need it! I haven't written since high-school and this kind of writing isn't exactly covered in textbooks. Hopefully I'm going about all of this in the right way. Thank you all for your time!

Baby's first scene:
Harpy Thigh-Crushing Scene

 

[TheIrishOtaku]

It says I need to request access, don't forget to change access from ''restricted'' to ''anyone with the link'' on the share button on the google doc.

 

[Dancreas]

It says I need to request access, don't forget to change access from ''restricted'' to ''anyone with the link'' on the share button on the google doc.

Thank you for making me aware of this. I have fixed my mistake!

 

[Ace Hangman]

I read through it. Good spelling, and a very tight and concise scene. I left a comment. Maybe more than one. One person's thoughts or observations as a reader taking in the scene.

 

[Dancreas]

I read through it. Good spelling, and a very tight and concise scene. I left a comment. Maybe more than one. One person's thoughts or observations as a reader taking in the scene.

I have been using your advice to improve the scene greatly! Thank you so much for your time! I know I can get verbose and wasteful with my words. So, thanks for your patience! You're awesome!

 

[teawolf]

Hey, this is really fun! I'm thrilled to see more people writing pussy eating for CoC2, so this is right up my alley. I left some comments with a few notes about mechanical errors, but most of them are stylistic. As always, take what is helpful for you, and go from there.

 

[Dancreas]

Hey, this is really fun! I'm thrilled to see more people writing pussy eating for CoC2, so this is right up my alley. I left some comments with a few notes about mechanical errors, but most of them are stylistic. As always, take what is helpful for you, and go from there.

I appreciate the kind words and the advice! I'll be checking it out and making some adjustments soon! Thank you!

 

[Gardeford]

Read through your Harpy thigh crushing scene! There are some issues that need fixing, but after those are done I think this should be good to resubmit!

1. You should read through things in game to get a better grasp on dialogue layout. There are several points where both characters have dialogue in the same paragraph and that doesn't work out well for readability. Splitting those up into their own separate bits of dialogue would be good.

2. there are some points with repetitive wording. Teawolf marked some of them but its a problem throughout. Things like 3 sentences in a row starting with "you do this. you do that" type writing. As long as you fix up the stuff tea marked it'd be passable, but it would be good to seek out those things and see if you can reword or move around some of the sentences for readability.

3. There are a couple places where you've used the wrong word or didn't take a correction. I marked one of them but you resolved it without actually changing the word? That will need to be fixed before it can be resubmitted.

Looking forward to the fixes cause this otherwise looks like it could be a nice little addition!

 

[Dancreas]

Read through your Harpy thigh crushing scene! There are some issues that need fixing, but after those are done I think this should be good to resubmit!

1. You should read through things in game to get a better grasp on dialogue layout. There are several points where both characters have dialogue in the same paragraph and that doesn't work out well for readability. Splitting those up into their own separate bits of dialogue would be good.

2. there are some points with repetitive wording. Teawolf marked some of them but its a problem throughout. Things like 3 sentences in a row starting with "you do this. you do that" type writing. As long as you fix up the stuff tea marked it'd be passable, but it would be good to seek out those things and see if you can reword or move around some of the sentences for readability.

3. There are a couple places where you've used the wrong word or didn't take a correction. I marked one of them but you resolved it without actually changing the word? That will need to be fixed before it can be resubmitted.

Looking forward to the fixes cause this otherwise looks like it could be a nice little addition!

First off, thank you very much for looking over my work. Secondly, I will be getting to work on all of those things immediately.
Honestly, when you'd left that correction I thought it was one of those that change it automatically. My bad! I'm working on it now!