I find that defining and labeling all of this stuff past a certain point is almost always more damaging that helpful. It doesn't make conversations about it any easier because everyone still needs to ask questions about what something means, preemptively answer such questions or some party in the conversation presumes an understanding. I definitely feel that there should be some form of definition of the basis of the conversation but that when we get into 30+ identifiers for sexual identification or genders or both, we're just masturbating to our individuality and differentiation. Often at the cost of the fabric that holds all of society together. If I had my way I'd say there's two genders clearly defined. Lets accept for a moment that there MIGHT be a third, even if there was there are still only 9 possible genders, presuming you can differentiate a male-female from a female-male in some clear way, and all of the extrapolations that go there-through. As far as what you identify AS, that topic gets more squirrely. I tend to think of it as a spectrum that goes from masculine to feminine, to simplify my thinking processes.. But, I often understand that it actually a three or possibly four directional spectrum upon which any individual might be plotted as a positional marker. One might use the color wheel as an example of a three directional spectrum and the common mathematical plotting graph as an example of a four directional one.
That being said, I understand and commiserate with your feelings here. I understand the pain and isolation produced by not being able to find your tribe. Sexuality is an often constrained (morally or ethically) deep rooted part of human existence. Finding your gender, identity, and kink can ALL be very meaningful in finding said tribe. While the various tribes that have already identified themselves often want you to join them or define yourself as something that they have a clear relationship already, i.e.: another tribe. To chose neither of these is often a difficult but important path, as the bisexual/genderfluid/etc. tribes are and have been facing.
Anyways, I could go on for hours about this, and I doubt this is exactly the place for it. I, for one, love you for being whoever you are. I support you in your efforts to be whatever you are. I accept you however you bring yourself to the table. But I won't coddle you or let you define MY world