Code Name: Irelaid (Suspended)

Leciadan

Member
Jul 21, 2017
22
6
Somewhere
Okay, so before I begin, I'm just gonna say that I did fuck up. How so? I already started this idea, got through 18 pages of it, and then realised that I hadn't actually publicly announced my idea. I managed such a task by A: being reluctant to just make an account here to do this, as is a habit of mine; and B: I forgot at later points. My bad.


Now that we've established that I fucked up, I'm writing a new planet based off of real-world Ireland, of which I have already dubbed Éireloas, pronounced "Air-Loe-Ass" (don't question my naming scheme)

Éireloas will have:
  • A lot of rain, with a lot of cloud cover a lot of the time. This doesn't mean it's necessarily dark; you just can't see the local star from the surface most of the time.
  • Good, hard working locals. Won't necessarily be lucky, though. They're also generally happy and optimistic, but not to the point of being annoying
  • Locals will also talk in an accent, and I will be typing the accent out as best I can. Howev'r, if'n yoo don' like read'n text like this, then say: I'll change it te ' light'r accent.
  • Top-Tier alcohol production. This would make it popular for Kui-Tan, at least the ones aware of its existence anyway
  • Be rather remote and not so well known
  • Rather ancient architecture, and otherwise not quite up-to-date to other core worlds in terms of its buildings
  • Nicknamed as "the World of Emerald", thanks to its lush and green grasslands


The planet also has some history with Victor, as well as the UGC. On discovery, about three planet rushes before Steele starts their escapade, the UGC almost instantly talks about enslaving the inhabitants, defending themselves saying that they're such good workers that they won't mind. Since the inhabitants of Éireloas have had history of and grudges against dictatorships and horrid examples of democracy, hence why they cease to have parliament or anything of the sort, they fought against this for their freedom.
Because of these debates over whether the Éirish deserve freedom, it was decided that the warp gates to and from the planet be made permanent, as to not let the debate fall out of date. After 250 years (if I am understanding how the rushes work correctly as being only once every century, or hundred years), Victor comes along and buys the planet out while this is going on, since the planet is actually rather rich in Picardine, and other useful or otherwise precious minerals. And since he now owned the planet, he protected the locals from the UGC, leaving them with their freedom.

Obviously, Victor encouraged that locals work for his company for business purposes, but didn't force them into as the UGC did. Since then, the UGC did their best to cover up traces of their dickishness (which goes in part as to why hardly anyone actually knows of Éireloas). And on the other side of the coin, it's part of construction process for every AI and VI, as well as any other computer tech capable of holding memory, developed on Éireloas to have every record on the matter pre-installed.

Victor also left some of his lineage on the planet. Obviously.


Thanks to Victor's influence, Steele gets some privileges such as an exclusive docking space and other VIP things. They are also looked up to, and have expectations of them to uphold their father's actions of protecting the locals' freedom. Locals are also generally up to date with Steele's adventure, and are aware of Jack/Jill.


The planet also has an attraction in an industry unique to it: space-boats. These things, bigger than your average dreadnought-class starship, are made of wood, or a highly convincing substitute of, with an air-tight layer of metal beneath so that peeps don't suffocate. They also have a shield over their open tops that holds all breathable atmosphere in, but does scant to stop any form of firepower. Their biggest attraction and defining feature are their massive solar sails, which span out to form a flat oval-like shape at their middlemost point.

These massive, majestic things require their own specialised docking bay which are almost exclusively found on the ports on Éireloas, so when they're used to transport goods or people, another ship or solution needs to be found to complete the final step. They also are legal to use warp gates, though as a safety measure everyone is to vacate themselves from the open top. While using a warp gate, their sails fold backwards as their light drives charge up.

Among these ships are a line known as the 'Black Ball Line', based off of the line of ships of the same name many years ago. These ships have about them specialised consoles and access points that allow crew members, whom are known as 'sailors' within the BBL specifically, to remotely improve the performance of the machine in question, these consoles being absent from most every other ship. These consoles are in place because of the work philosophy of sailors getting increased pay the faster they can complete a voyage. Naturally, the Black Ball Line holds most of the records for fastest deliveries, but do not fall in quality of handling said deliveries. Being a Black Ball Sailor also is not for the faint of heart, and said sailors will easily beat out and out last the average crew member.



Now, I do have other ideas, such as codex entries, characters, and a bar, but I'd rather get it ironed out as to whether or not this gets approved as an idea or not. Because all of these other things do depend on what happens to this idea.

I would like to reinstate: I did fuck up and write 18 pages before posting this. And that is totally my bad. I would also like to establish some things regarding this issue:
  • I am more than happy to change anything I have already written to fit any improvements that are suggested
  • If this idea gets straight up shot down, I will have no qualm. It was my fault for putting effort in before getting the idea peer reviewed or reviewed by anyone from FenCo. I will also understand your reasons behind shooting it down: We already have Uveto as an incomplete planet, so adding another to the mix would be kinda bad for development purposes. In addition, I can think off the top of my head three points that may go against pre-defined lore: UGC threatening the Éirish of their freedom; Victor saving the Éirish from said attack on their freedom; and the factor of solar sails existing. I will totally understand any reason Fenoxo, Savin, or another staff member has for rejecting this.

Thanks for reading this fustercluck of text, and sorry for said fustercluck of text.
 

Leciadan

Member
Jul 21, 2017
22
6
Somewhere
I do, but I feel like that would be better suited for the Submissions forum as opposed to here, and I would personally prefer that this gets some sort of approval or something before uploading anything I've already done
Now, if you think that me showing what I've done will help in deciding whether or not this idea deserves approval or not, then sure I'll type a link.
 

Lancer

Well-Known Member
Nov 1, 2016
1,282
420
First off, I feel I should mention Magic Ted here and his oft referenced quote of
  • oh my god don't write a planet

However, if you already have eighteen pages written and it's good quality writing (posting a link for it to be reviewed would be necessary to assessing that and receiving helpful feedback) I feel like I should say good luck instead as well.

I would recommend changing the backstory a bit. Instead of the gov. being behind the attempted enslavement, I would make it be one of the corporations, as the UGC is normally depicted as just ineffective, not evil.
 
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Noob Salad

Captain Shitpost
Aug 26, 2015
4,374
1,560
18 pages isn't even a single NPC, let alone a planet. 180 pages isn't even a planet.
 

Leciadan

Member
Jul 21, 2017
22
6
Somewhere
I know it isn't much for a planet, but I've only just started. And as I say in the doc, anything that involves NPCs or anything that isn't just straight worldbuilding or otherwise necessary to explain something in this doc has its separate doc anyway. Though I am going to refrain from continuing this thing until I get some sort of approval. And, like I said, I will drop it if asked to.
 

Thebiologist

Well-Known Member
Jun 24, 2017
585
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I too tried to write a planet and got shut down pretty quickly. Planets are a team effort and require developer approval.
 

Klaptrap

Well-Known Member
Aug 27, 2015
436
202
Sorry to put you down hard, but a planet is a novel worth of porn at the very least. If you call it quits, which is exceedingly likely, we'll have lost a promising writer. Or at least somebody with better than average grammar.
 
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Leciadan

Member
Jul 21, 2017
22
6
Somewhere
If I call it quits, it's because the idea was rejected. I'm not the type to quit on something I've been working on because I got tired of it. If I get tired, I put it down for a day or a week, and come back to it. I never willingly kill off a project unless, as I've repeated, I'm told I have to kill it.
Now, if this project gets killed off, there's one of two ways I can handle it:
  1. I crawl into a corner, never try a submission for TiTS, or anything, ever again.
  2. I suck it up, and use my ideas for something else.
I can guarantee you now, I will not be handling it with method 1. I'm not just some guy who gets discouraged from stuff like this. I made my mistakes, I acknowledge those mistakes, and seek to learn from them.
 
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Thebiologist

Well-Known Member
Jun 24, 2017
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If I call it quits, it's because the idea was rejected. I'm not the type to quit on something I've been working on because I got tired of it. If I get tired, I put it down for a day or a week, and come back to it. I never willingly kill off a project unless, as I've repeated, I'm told I have to kill it.
Now, if this project gets killed off, there's one of two ways I can handle it:
  1. I crawl into a corner, never try a submission for TiTS, or anything, ever again.
  2. I suck it up, and use my ideas for something else.
I can guarantee you now, I will not be handling it with method 1. I'm not just some guy who gets discouraged from stuff like this. I made my mistakes, I acknowledge those mistakes, and seek to learn from them.


You should start with something simpler. NPCs are usually 40-100+ pages of text and take several months to write and get into the game, a planet usually has over a dozen NPCs plus shops, quests, codex entries, items and enemies. That's why planets are usually done by several people contributing multiple NPCs, while the devs handle the boring stuff nobody wants to write, like maps, items, combat, vending machines, transitions, etc. and code everything.

The next planet is gonna be a post-apocalyptic one and it's been on the pipeline for, I don't know, about a year I think and the previous planet, Uveto is still missing a ton of content.
 
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Evil

Well-Known Member
Jul 18, 2017
2,539
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Okay, as an Irish person, don't try to give them an accent. Its almost as bad as Richard Gere's accent in the Jackal, Sean Connery's in The Untouchables and Tom Cruise's in Far and Away.
Use descriptors instead, say they have a lilt or they have a melodic tone when they talk, but don't try to go for a phonetic accent.

Just my 2 cent.
 

Leciadan

Member
Jul 21, 2017
22
6
Somewhere
I admitted that Uveto was definitely gonna be a factor that turns this thing away, so I'm at least aware of the situation at hand. My main plan was to write the base with a couple of NPCs, place to buy some stuff, place for medic stuff, and let other people add some other stuff to make it a more complete package. I wasn't planning to make this a big thing, just something like New Texas, sans an encounter area.

And as for Evil, I myself am irish, and was saying aloud what each character was saying in the strength of accent I wanted the character to have, to give me an idea of how to type it out. Now, if it's still straight up bad, then fair enough, but I ain't gonna continue work on this until I do get an official Yes/No from anyone from FenCo. It's heavily leaning towards "No", but I've already written this because I was stupid.
 

Evil

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Jul 18, 2017
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Fair enough Leciadan, also
giphy.gif

for a fellow countryman
 

Leciadan

Member
Jul 21, 2017
22
6
Somewhere
I have written one chapter for what I'm planning to make a novella (that chapter alone taking a whole year to finalise), as well as a series of short stories or character/species description. I've only posted online one species descript, but I have been writing for quite a while. Despite getting a C in english, and that being the highest grade out of all of my english grades. I'm just a confident person in general, I guess.

And same to you, Evil
 
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Thebiologist

Well-Known Member
Jun 24, 2017
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I have written one chapter for what I'm planning to make a novella (that chapter alone taking a whole year to finalise), as well as a series of shot stories or character/species description. I've only posted online one species descript, but I have been writing for quite a while. Despite getting a C in english, and that being the highest grade out of all of my english grades. I'm just a confident person in general, I guess.

And same to you, Evil


Meh, fuck grades man, they are only a measure of mediocrity. Tests just value how good you are at answering standardized bullshit. I remember this gal we had on high school, she aced everything, always got the best grades, but was unable to think outside what the teachers fed to her, give her a problem she's never seen before and she would fail miserably. Meanwhile on college I met this guy, lazy, average grades, but he was freaking brilliant. People spent moths studying, to get good grades, meanwhile he got average grades without studying because he understood everything, not because he crammed his head full of junk data.
 

Leciadan

Member
Jul 21, 2017
22
6
Somewhere
I never actually studied for exams or anything: what I happened to remember without revising is what I used. Always thought about it as if ever I need to just recall the information (for whatever reason) I won't have the material there with me, so why should I get used to having the material with me? And besides, Curriculum measures memory, not ability.
English I was particularly bad at in GCSEs for the same reason I was bad at art for first through third form: it's a class about a creative media, with a non-creative grade measurement.

Basically, if you're doing badly at school, don't sweat it. It don't matter.