Well, sorry for delay, 2 days beforehand I did update it with the introduction scene but after that, I had the great idea to rewrite the entire [let him take the lead] one so, yeah, it is now in the doc. Quick explanation.
Yeah, this was the one I struggled most with. I like the idea of pushing characters out of their comfort zone, even if it is for one off scene. Same way when Brienne forces herself on you when she is incredible horny for pregnancy since it adds spice to her.
But at same time I know that it could all devolve into me creating a generic Dom scene with June's name attached to it. So I tried to think of the situation where June being in control does not end up feeling like a breach in characterization.
So I made it that the champion:
Started this all of with a promise for a blowjob
teased him in every which way possible. From shallow kisses and licks, to words to just not doing what is being asked of them
June begun by being himself (passive), to making a request, to guiding the champ with hands and plees, to taking most of control while still giving them say in the matter, to finally loosing patience (after the champ teased a little bit to much) and just fulfilling your promise on his terms
As for alpha and master thing? Yeah, now that I think about it, to much so I replaced them.
Still, they were there to emphasize a point (even if they did it in a overblown way). The latter part of the doc did focus more on the champion and their inner thoughts than on the action and words of June since, well, I can not really think of overblown, dominating things for him to say or do (stuff like calling you names, putting to much emphasis on his grip) without it coming off as jarring. The most commanding thing I had him accomplish was just him forcing PCs head down (which can still admittedly feel out of place but I feel I build up to it decently) and his most commanding, well, command was him just asking them blow him.
So I made champion get high as kite from the novelty of having June taking the big wheel and I just run with it. They are the ones emphasizing things to seem more grandious and special then they actually are. They are the ones building up June as some sort of dom, when in actuality it is just June receiving a basic ass blowjob. That is why I have the champion realize that "Oh yeah, I am blowing June of all people, why did I get so caught up in this?" after he thanks them.
Like, even when he did shove the PC down his meat pole, he still apologized and all that. Now, that on its own does not justify him doing that, but If you read it from beggining to end, I feel like it fits.
I hope that this answers what I wanted to accomplish.
Not really qualified to comment much on the prose, but I absolutely adore the content.
Thank you! Means a lot.