(Accepted)DK Lupine Footjob

[ｗａｏｗ]

My first attempt at writing something minor for CoC2. A (corrupt) victory footjob scene for the lupines, with permission from balaknightfang. Since I'm extremely new to this medium, please feel free to provide feedback of any kind (parsing, writing, etc.). Thanks!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10C72EYKbvTWbm4FNDN2fOjCY7qNGUHQb2BWdgxvtR9M/edit?usp=sharing

Note: Length has been increased since last posted on discord. Feel free to tell me if you think it should still be longer.

 

[runingman69]

Length wise its decent. Some issues i have found are. The champ acts a bit more douche like then dom like. I would make most of this scene a corrupt variant from the champs actions alone. The guy cums in his pants from some foot play, either he has a hidden foot fetish or he was super horny. Since i don't think he has one. (Don't quote me on that.) I would add some variant to explain why he pops so easily. (Like Wyvern venom.) At least take those pants off to get to the D. Besides those points,the grammar needs some work and double check the parers. Overall the scene needs a lot of work. I lack the foot fetish so i can't tell if its very hot or not? Decent start for your first post. Keep practicing and you will get better.

 

[ｗａｏｗ]

Thank you for the feedback. I agree that it probably should be gated behind a corrupt variant, that makes a lot of sense. I've attempted to fix the issues you've mentioned, and have submitted the scene. Special thanks to Pan and balaknight on discord for the parser/comma help.

 

[Upcast Drake]

What do you want to be credited as in-game? Like your author name.

 

[ｗａｏｗ]

If it were to get accepted, I'd say 'waow', like my username here.

 

[Upcast Drake]

If it were to get accepted, I'd say 'waow', like my username here.

It's already coded, it will be in the next patch. I went with ｗａｏｗ.

 

[ｗａｏｗ]

That's fantastic to hear. Thanks for letting me know - should I rename the title of this thread then?

 

[Wsan]

Minor feedback - some writers never have the PC speak directly, which is a valid choice. The opposite is also fine, though, if you didn't know (full disclosure: this is how I write and accordingly, I'm biased). I think sometimes a few spoken statements from the PC can take writing from good to great, particularly when they're in the dominant role. This isn't telling you that anything needs to be changed, though, it's fine the way it is.
- this is really good for your first submission. I don't know what further plans you have wrt writing but if you want to chip in more scenes that'd be awesome.
Looking forward to seeing more!

 

[ｗａｏｗ]

Wow, thanks for the compliments! It means a lot to me - I'm a big fan of your writing in both games. I did consider giving dialogue to the PC, but I was slightly scared for my first submission to assume too much about the PC's personality. I'll definitely make some further attempts at that direction in the future.

 

[runingman69]

Great job on getting in the game bud. Some day i hope to make.