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BubbleLord

Scientist
Creator
Jun 24, 2016
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Maybe it'd be a good idea and catch up with people who've already made ingredients to better "synergize" your list and not provide conflicts? I think you were accurate with the Bee TF (I think that's the name Pets is using), but I'm sure these other items may have names that aren't disclosed yet.

Hope that they become much more than just alchemy vendors, though. I had thought Ivris was intended to be almost a sort of natural "alchemy hub" for the PC. Maybe see if you could have the two as an encounter that could be resolved with them moving into Hawkethorne?
 

The Observer

Scientist
FoE Mod
Aug 27, 2015
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Please to contact Couch, who is doing the alchemy system writeups, and I believe someone has snagged TFs off the bounty board.
 

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
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Yeah, Ivris already has an alchemy shop, this is kind of redundant.
 

NotYouNorI

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2015
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Someone's already made a shop in Hawkethorne? Fuuuuck. Maybe I can do something else with this. Not sure what to do with it though.
Maybe make their cottage a random encounter either in the forest or in the Foothills. witches like their peace and quiet outside the busy hassle of day-to-day life in civilization.
 

SoAndSo

Scientist
Creator
Mar 26, 2017
886
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Maybe make their cottage a random encounter either in the forest or in the Foothills. witches like their peace and quiet outside the busy hassle of day-to-day life in civilization.

Would still make it redundant and have added pain of going out of the way to look for it.
 

A Random Guy

Well-Known Member
Sep 13, 2015
114
138
Someone's already made a shop in Hawkethorne? Fuuuuck. Maybe I can do something else with this. Not sure what to do with it though.

Maybe you could put it in another town whenever another one is added and have it sell better stuff than the one in Haekethorne, you could even add the chance for them to teach you black magic since their witches. That way it won’t be too similar
 

The Observer

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Aug 27, 2015
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Maybe you could put it in another town whenever another one is added and have it sell better stuff than the one in Haekethorne, you could even add the chance for them to teach you black magic since their witches. That way it won’t be too similar

There will be other towns in a narrative sense, but no "other town" in terms of hub of operations. Hawkethorne is meant to be relevant throughout the whole game; the things you can get there are meant to be able to tide you throughout all 10 levels. "Better stuff" is a misnomer; this isn't going to be TiTS progression where everything you get from the previous planet is invalidated the moment you move on.
 
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A Random Guy

Well-Known Member
Sep 13, 2015
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There will be other towns in a narrative sense, but no "other town" in terms of hub of operations. Hawkethorne is meant to be relevant throughout the whole game; the things you can get there are meant to be able to tide you throughout all 10 levels. "Better stuff" is a misnomer; this isn't going to be TiTS progression where everything you get from the previous planet is invalidated the moment you move on.

Oh ok, thanks for explaining that
 

BubbleLord

Scientist
Creator
Jun 24, 2016
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I guess it seems to have not sank in when I suggested them being encounters that could move in and work for/with Ivris.

My advice now would still be the same. AFAIK, Ivris is also the magical vendor, but only has like 3 items. Why not have them be an "upgrade" that opens up more purchase options and creating some items? This would eliminate the problem of "selling better things" elsewhere and make Hawkthorne relevant, whilst also giving a good reason for people who may want to simply expand their equip options as a magic-user.

The problem would come with trying to figure out what could be added to Ivris' store and not overlap/be the same as another already-implemented item.
 

Dragonice

Well-Known Member
Oct 7, 2017
285
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I'll put this back into [WIP] it seems I have overlooked some things. I will have to read the observer's aka Ivris (I didn't know that they were also called that unless I am misinterpreting something again.) Content and be sure to not do the same things as them. I also thought Misty Barb's was working on TFs unless she has been and again I'm dumb.
 

Pursang

Well-Known Member
Apr 7, 2018
54
42
Maybe you can rework them to be a sort of traveling merchant in the same vein as Kattom or Giacomo that sells randomized or perhaps specialized potions/ingredients? It would make for a nice bit of convenience for the player not having to go back to town every time they want to check out the shop.

Just an idea.
 

Pursang

Well-Known Member
Apr 7, 2018
54
42
True but is it really convenient when they randomly spawn whenever. Plus I only used kattom a couple of times and Giacomo had some game breaking stuff like schooler tea and stuff. Maybe I'll rework the docs after looking at other ones first.

I suppose it would depend on how often and were they spawn. Like, maybe instead of having it completely random you can have them do a circuit of the Frost Marches and have them spawn at certain spots at certain times of the day/week. For instance have them spawn in Tile 7 of the Forest region at 0900 from Monday-Tuesday, have them spawn at Tile 3 of the Minotaur City at 1200 on Wednesday, etc. In that way you can have them both travel the map in such a way as for the player to eventually understand when and where they show up.

That's just an example - I think there's a few ways you can do it, but it depends on how much work you wan to put in.
 

Pursang

Well-Known Member
Apr 7, 2018
54
42
Harvest Valley (Optional)
The Old Forest -> The Frostwood -> The Winter City
The Foothills -> The Undermountain -> The Frozen Foothills (Optional) -> Khor'Minos -> The Coastlands -> Flood Town -> The Sunken City -> Kasyrra's Zigurrat

Taken from another thread, things may change but this seems to be the rough outline of the zones and the order the player goes to them. I assume they're working on and planning to complete each zone before going to the next one so you may only be able to outline when and generally where Noel and Emmy go. If you get in touch with Savin he may be able to give you a more complete picture of the world, and reserve certain tiles for Noel and Emmy.

Keep in mind you don't necessarily have to complete all of their encounters at once - you can break up the design doc into parts (Part 1 could be Hawkethorne and the surrounding environs) and submit them as you finalize the specifics. I think the only thing that really needs to be figured out before submitting content would be what zones you want them to show up in and when.
 

BubbleLord

Scientist
Creator
Jun 24, 2016
3,969
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I'd honestly recommend that you scrap the project and start over.

After doing a more in-depth read versus my initial skimming, there's giant canon issues within your document that make the entire concept flawed. Noel alone literally cannot exist in any fashion. She's not only from Ignam (which is not allowed via the canon rules), but she's stated as stronger than Lethice and having played a significant part of CoC1.

No. Just no.

I had thought this was a simple two people witch submission, but after reading it can tell you that you seriously need to scrap this before it effectively blackballs you. And I gotta say, this is... really bad. It's a very clear Mary Sue-esque self-insert of your character from CoC1. You need to actually read through the design document and understand that one of your characters literally would be denied just for her background (not even speaking to the state of her). It's not meant to discourage you, but there's just too many flawed issues with this that I know further working on it would only be wasted effort.
 

Pursang

Well-Known Member
Apr 7, 2018
54
42
It's not meant to discourage you,

Heh, nothing more discouraging then having someone tell you that your idea has no merit whatsoever.

It's rough around the edges, sure, but it can be salvaged. Remove the Lethice/Mareth connection and either have Kasyrra replace Lethice, or go further and have Noel be an ancient entity that combated the Wraith during the Godswar. I like the thought of an all-powerful being who's settled into the semi-retired placidity of being a wandering merchant. Besides, a character's power level is largely irrelevant to anything other than character development if they're treated as nothing more than an alchemichal merchant for the purpose of the plot of the story.

There's plenty you can do, if you set your mind to it.
 

The Observer

Scientist
FoE Mod
Aug 27, 2015
1,357
3,165
Well, since there's been a bit of a ruckus, I decided to go and take a look for myself.

>Ignam
No.

>More powerful than Lethice
No. Which raises the question of why isn't she solving the world's problems instead of the Champion.

>Played a significant role in CoC1
No.

>An imp allowed anywhere near civilisation
No.

>Clear overreliance on spellcheck and numerous spelling and grammatical errors
No.

>PC ownage scene which has vibes of Dr. Badger
No.

>Lose Cait and have them turn her into their submissive sex slave
No.

I stopped reading there. I wouldn't suggest just going back to the drawing board and not submitting a Mary Sue this time, but brushing up on your basic writing skills as well. I don't need to be Savin to safely say:

unknown.png
 

BubbleLord

Scientist
Creator
Jun 24, 2016
3,969
1,153
Heh, nothing more discouraging then having someone tell you that your idea has no merit whatsoever.

It's rough around the edges, sure, but it can be salvaged. Remove the Lethice/Mareth connection and either have Kasyrra replace Lethice, or go further and have Noel be an ancient entity that combated the Wraith during the Godswar. I like the thought of an all-powerful being who's settled into the semi-retired placidity of being a wandering merchant. Besides, a character's power level is largely irrelevant to anything other than character development if they're treated as nothing more than an alchemichal merchant for the purpose of the plot of the story.

There's plenty you can do, if you set your mind to it.
:colbert:
 

Pursang

Well-Known Member
Apr 7, 2018
54
42

What a clever, mature response.

I apologize to you and everyone else for wanting to encourage people to write. As we all know, people magically become better at writing if you provide them with enough negative reinforcement - that's how that works, right? It's kind of like tidal waves, or magnets!
 

BubbleLord

Scientist
Creator
Jun 24, 2016
3,969
1,153
What a clever, mature response.

I apologize to you and everyone else for wanting to encourage people to write. As we all know, people magically become better at writing if you provide them with enough negative reinforcement - that's how that works, right? It's kind of like tidal waves, or magnets!
This is precisely why I recommended they scrap it and move on.

A good writer should feel encouraged to move to the next project if the one they did is only going to weigh them down. You should try to understand that it's not negative: it's the reality of the submission. It's better to start fresh and try again than to keep pushing something that won't work.

If you feel it's immature of me, then that is somewhat fair. It was immature for me to point out that you encouraging someone to keep working on something that fundamentally would require a full rebuild was bad. But I won't be called immature by someone who quite clearly doesn't understand that to keep trying to work on something that fundamentally cannot work isn't helping them. It's hindering them. You don't reward someone nor encourage them if you're trying to make a nail and they make a disk. You encourage them if it looks like a nail. This is why I said it was not to discourage them. If you feel that you know better than me, then take heart in the fact that you're trying to encourage someone that something that simply will not work should be their focus.

I'd rather them keep trying until they find something that will work and that they can expand and grow with without wasting their time outright.
 

Pursang

Well-Known Member
Apr 7, 2018
54
42
This is precisely why I recommended they scrap it and move on.

A good writer should feel encouraged to move to the next project if the one they did is only going to weigh them down. You should try to understand that it's not negative: it's the reality of the submission. It's better to start fresh and try again than to keep pushing something that won't work.

If you feel it's immature of me, then that is somewhat fair. It was immature for me to point out that you encouraging someone to keep working on something that fundamentally would require a full rebuild was bad. But I won't be called immature by someone who quite clearly doesn't understand that to keep trying to work on something that fundamentally cannot work isn't helping them. It's hindering them. You don't reward someone nor encourage them if you're trying to make a nail and they make a disk. You encourage them if it looks like a nail. This is why I said it was not to discourage them. If you feel that you know better than me, then take heart in the fact that you're trying to encourage someone that something that simply will not work should be their focus.

I'd rather them keep trying until they find something that will work and that they can expand and grow with without wasting their time outright.

You make some good points, but the main thrust of your argument is flawed. A potter doesn't throw away the clay because he sculpted it into something that other people say could be done better; he takes the clay and reworks it until he's satisfied with the end result because the clay itself is malleable. Ideas too are malleable, even more so because of their inherent non-physical property, and I personally can't find a whole lot of fault with two witches who practice alchemy. That's what I was trying to get across, so long as the idea... the clay isn't fired it can be reworked.

I didn't think you where immature because of what you where trying to convey, I think you where immature because instead of engaging with me in reasonable discourse, you decided to post a single emoji as if to say: "Look! Do you see? Other people agree with me, that makes my argument superior."
 

Raindrops

Well-Known Member
Jun 19, 2016
1,198
752
Im sorry, but why exactly is this a problem? Is it cause he took so much ispiration from her that he did some minor plagurism, or whatever?

While I can't say for sure, but I very strongly suspect it's because it renders the player powerless for no other reason than "it's a cutscene". Basically, taking control of the player character is something that you need to be very careful about, because it is very easy to piss off the player by doing so
 

Raindrops

Well-Known Member
Jun 19, 2016
1,198
752
Thanks everyone for your opinions, help and for actually taking notice of my work dispite it being really bad. I will yet again (but whatever) scrap this idea and move on, but I can see a clearer picture of what I did wrong. Exept for grammar issues my mortal enemy, I still have those fucking problems! Now that I have looked at it again I did go a little over board with the lore and stuff. To be honest though I actually didn't do a self insert my COC 1 character was a dragon harpy Herm and in tits is a goo Naga. I really was thinking of that green haired cat girl from FOE. Perhaps one day I'll make something decent but for now trail and error.

One good tip that I learned a couple of years ago to avoid Mary Sues... When making the character, start from an average member of a race that is common. Then start building up on it, but be very careful to not go too far.

You started from Human which was a good thing, but then you made Noel a champion of Ignam, which is a *very* bad way to start because that's a very unusual and uncommon thing to be (ignoring the lore saying you can't). That instantly makes it smack of Mary Sue, which is what you want to avoid. If/when you try again, you might want to try picking one of the starting races, and imagine your character as a totally normal version of those, before adding a *little* bit of power to them. Say, for example, "Is really good at alchemy". Just not *too* good... If your character description includes being the "best" at something, then that is immediatly suspicious as well. (not saying it can't be done, just that more care needs to be put into it so it doesn't turn bad)

Also, a separate piece of advice: You should try coming to the discord and asking whether or not your idea is viable before you start writing it, to get a sanity check from the devs first.

As for grammar... Read more books, write more anything. That's the only thing that'll help
 

Magic Ted

Forum God
Moderator
Aug 26, 2015
744
475
You make some good points, but the main thrust of your argument is flawed. A potter doesn't throw away the clay because he sculpted it into something that other people say could be done better; he takes the clay and reworks it until he's satisfied with the end result because the clay itself is malleable. Ideas too are malleable, even more so because of their inherent non-physical property, and I personally can't find a whole lot of fault with two witches who practice alchemy. That's what I was trying to get across, so long as the idea... the clay isn't fired it can be reworked.

I didn't think you where immature because of what you where trying to convey, I think you where immature because instead of engaging with me in reasonable discourse, you decided to post a single emoji as if to say: "Look! Do you see? Other people agree with me, that makes my argument superior."

lmao he put in that to say he beat observer to the punch, weirdo

Some ideas are fundamentally Bad. This was one of them. It's okay to say "uh, this is actually kinda bad my dude."
 

Pursang

Well-Known Member
Apr 7, 2018
54
42
lmao he put in that to say he beat observer to the punch, weirdo

Some ideas are fundamentally Bad. This was one of them. It's okay to say "uh, this is actually kinda bad my dude."

We'll have to agree to disagree. :)