When taking Naiyana back to her daughter, the semicolon after "memory" should be a colon (followed by a fragment):
Same scene, I think it should be contact "with" not "of" here:
Missing "the" before "sun-kissed," I think:
Main map in HV Zone 2, the entrance to the Centaur Village, "less" should be "fewer" (the number of trees is countable):
In the Centaur Village, on the map, in the southern-most tile of the circle path within the village, I'm not entirely sure what this means. Is it supposed to be "unseeming[ly]" (the path doesn't have any dangerous spots which would be embarrassing and inappropriate), or "seemingly dangerous" (there aren't any dangerous spots as far as the champ notices)? I guess both work, it's just a moment of confusion that maybe could be clarified:
In HV, after defeating a Crazy Horse, I think a parser should be fixed (?)--if he has a poleaxe, should be "it shatters," not "they shatter:"
Meeting the lupine scouts in HV for a subsequent time, should cut the "had" in "had previously," because the scene isn't in past tense, so the past perfect is unnecessary:
Missing punctuation after "shout." Could be a period and keep the graf break, or a comma, and move the dialogue to the same graf, or a colon, and do either:
When encountering the marefolk shaman, missing comma after "small," and "roughly humanoid" should be hyphenated ("roughly-humanoid") as a compound adjective:
Super minor. Same scene: preferred spelling in American English is "jewelry:"
Same scene, I think it should be contact "with" not "of" here:
Missing "the" before "sun-kissed," I think:
Main map in HV Zone 2, the entrance to the Centaur Village, "less" should be "fewer" (the number of trees is countable):
In the Centaur Village, on the map, in the southern-most tile of the circle path within the village, I'm not entirely sure what this means. Is it supposed to be "unseeming[ly]" (the path doesn't have any dangerous spots which would be embarrassing and inappropriate), or "seemingly dangerous" (there aren't any dangerous spots as far as the champ notices)? I guess both work, it's just a moment of confusion that maybe could be clarified:
In HV, after defeating a Crazy Horse, I think a parser should be fixed (?)--if he has a poleaxe, should be "it shatters," not "they shatter:"
Meeting the lupine scouts in HV for a subsequent time, should cut the "had" in "had previously," because the scene isn't in past tense, so the past perfect is unnecessary:
Missing punctuation after "shout." Could be a period and keep the graf break, or a comma, and move the dialogue to the same graf, or a colon, and do either:
When encountering the marefolk shaman, missing comma after "small," and "roughly humanoid" should be hyphenated ("roughly-humanoid") as a compound adjective:
Super minor. Same scene: preferred spelling in American English is "jewelry:"
