When finding a Double Pupperidge Pepper, "there's" should be "there are:"
When encountering the Centaur Pack, comma needed after "spotting you." Short enough phrase it could go without one, usually, but the rest of the sentence is long enough the comma helps:
After defeating the Centaurs, comma missing after "afterwards:"
When meeting Wredi & Edessari at the start of Sariel Quest, "their face" should be "their faces:"
Same scene, should be introduction "to" instead of "with:"
Same scene, comma splice: comma after "anything" should be a semicolon or a colon, and comma missing after "regardless:"
Next scene, strike comma after "and Sariel:"
Extra space after "warmth," and commas after "Goodness" and "lady"--although the rules for dialogue are more flexible:
Missing space between "I" and em-dash:
Same scene, missing comma after "fairy," and "pone" after "golden" should be "pony:"
Cont.
When encountering the Centaur Pack, comma needed after "spotting you." Short enough phrase it could go without one, usually, but the rest of the sentence is long enough the comma helps:
After defeating the Centaurs, comma missing after "afterwards:"
When meeting Wredi & Edessari at the start of Sariel Quest, "their face" should be "their faces:"
Same scene, should be introduction "to" instead of "with:"
Same scene, comma splice: comma after "anything" should be a semicolon or a colon, and comma missing after "regardless:"
Next scene, strike comma after "and Sariel:"
Extra space after "warmth," and commas after "Goodness" and "lady"--although the rules for dialogue are more flexible:
Missing space between "I" and em-dash:
Same scene, missing comma after "fairy," and "pone" after "golden" should be "pony:"
Cont.