[0.7.20]+[0.7.21] Grammar Mistakes and Sentence Format Suggestions

[FuHyBi69]

I will be reviewing all Spelling, Grammar, and Sentence Formatting and will post my findings and Suggestions Here in this Thread.

My first finding is while talking to Carmen about recruiting Atugia, and when referring to Carmen, She is referred to as The Baroness Multiple Times in the same paragraph. It would be better to use Carmen's name the second time to avoid redundancy, and keep the reader from feeling as though "The Baroness" is being yelled out from the page.

Here is the original-

(Well... If you're going to ask The Baroness about recruiting Atugia, you might as well get it over with. You find the fiery-haired dullahan and inform her that you'd like to make good on that offer to talk to The Baroness about recruiting her. Unfortunately you'll need her to actually get in contact with the woman. When it comes to actually talking with her, you'll handle it, but you need to be able to talk to her first.)

Here is my alteration-

(Well... If you're going to ask The Baroness about recruiting Atugia, you might as well get it over with. You find the fiery-haired dullahan and inform her that you'd like to make good on that offer to talk to Carmen about recruiting her. Unfortunately you'll need her to actually get in contact with the woman. When it comes to actually talking with her, you'll handle it, but you need to be able to talk to her first.)

Additionally it could be-

(Well... If you're going to ask The Baroness about recruiting Atugia, you might as well get it over with. You find the fiery-haired dullahan and inform her that you'd like to make good on that offer to talk to Baroness Reverra about recruiting her. Unfortunately you'll need her to actually get in contact with the woman. When it comes to actually talking with her, you'll handle it, but you need to be able to talk to her first.)

I believe my first alteration using her name Carmen flows better and avoids doubling up on "Baroness" in the same paragraph

 

[FuHyBi69]

When first meeting Nellia at her stall, there is a sentence formatting issue in the second to last paragraph.

The Original-

Seeing your gaze, she follows up with, "Oh, yes, my best sellers are all lingerie. Married women looking to spice things up with their husbands, girlfriends hoping to impress someone they like, men and women looking to their partners get to wear something special into bed, they all come and buy my goods.

My Alteration-

Seeing your gaze, she follows up with, "Oh, yes, my best sellers are all lingerie. Married women looking to spice things up with their husbands, girlfriends hoping to impress someone they like, men and women looking to get their partners to wear something special into bed, they all come and buy my goods.

 

[FuHyBi69]

When first entering the Chapel of Velun in Hawkthorne there is a grammar mistake in the first paragraph

The Original-

You step through the doors of chapel, entering a sanctuary of stone made warm and inviting by tapestries covering its stark walls and dozens of potted flowers growing in the windowsills. Several semi-circular wooden pews are arranged facing a central altar in the middle of the temple, a large stone edifice arrayed with statues of the seven Living Gods of Savarra. Each deity's statue holds a colored candle, and stares beatifically across the pews.

My Alteration-

You step through the doors of the chapel, entering a sanctuary of stone made warm and inviting by tapestries covering its stark walls and dozens of potted flowers growing in the windowsills. Several semi-circular wooden pews are arranged facing a central altar in the middle of the temple, a large stone edifice arrayed with statues of the seven Living Gods of Savarra. Each deity's statue holds a colored candle, and stares beatifically across the pews.

 

[FuHyBi69]

When first meeting Brint, he never tells you his name in greeting and is simply referred to by name in conversation

The Original-

"Kuun, adventurers," he says, looking down at the two of you. "Odd pair. So there's a village nearby?"

You nod. "There's all sorts of people living in it. Run-down place, but it's been good to me so far."

"Khaak, learn a new thing every day in the outside world," Brint says, shaking his head. He nods at you. "So what're you doing out here?"

My Alteration-

"Kuun, adventurers, I am Brint," he says, looking down at the two of you. "Odd pair. So there's a village nearby?"

You nod. "There's all sorts of people living in it. Run-down place, but it's been good to me so far."

"Khaak, learn a new thing every day in the outside world," Brint says, shaking his head. He nods at you. "So what're you doing out here?"

 

[FuHyBi69]

When getting a victory boobjob from a hornet, there is poor grammar in the second paragraph when you use your penis.

The Original-

To say it's glorious would be an understatement as the voluminous flesh attempts to engulf your pale white cock. Your manhood are lengthy enough to peek out of her cleavage, but still not enough to actually reach her mouth; still, that's not quite surprising when you consider just how expansive her bosom is. Nevertheless, there's a certain satisfaction in being able to chuck the whorenet's chin with your prick on particularly powerful thrusts, making her giggle and buzz in response.

My Alteration-

To say it's glorious would be an understatement as the voluminous flesh attempts to engulf your pale white cock. Your manhood is lengthy enough to peek out of her cleavage, but still not enough to actually reach her mouth; still, that's not quite surprising when you consider just how expansive her bosom is. Nevertheless, there's a certain satisfaction in being able to chuck the whorenet's chin with your prick on particularly powerful thrusts, making her giggle and buzz in response.

 

[FuHyBi69]

When first encountering Eryka, there is poor grammar in the second to last paragraph

The Original-

"You monsters tried to take my soul once," she begins, "you may have given me a... male parts, but... I am Eryka, I am a paladin, and I'll never let you take me! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY SOUL!!" she howls, lunging at you.

My Alteration-

"You monsters tried to take my soul once," she begins, "you may have given me a... male's parts, but... I am Eryka, I am a paladin, and I'll never let you take me! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY SOUL!!" she howls, lunging at you.

This one could be subjective of course

 

[FuHyBi69]

When talking to Garth about rescuing his son Garret at the logging camp, there is a grammar error in the second paragraph

The Original-

Garth sighs, hanging his dishrag over a shoulder. "Now, there's a been a problem of late — it actually started before you came, Selena, but recent troubles haven't been making it any better, either. About two to three weeks before you arrived in Hawkethorne, we got word that strange things had been going on near the camp. Animals acting oddly, getting too close to the palisades when they should've been rightfully scared of people. A series of close shaves with things in the darkness, too close together to be mere coincidence.

My Alteration-

Garth sighs, hanging his dishrag over a shoulder. "Now, there's been a problem of late — it actually started before you came, Selena, but recent troubles haven't been making it any better, either. About two to three weeks before you arrived in Hawkethorne, we got word that strange things had been going on near the camp. Animals acting oddly, getting too close to the palisades when they should've been rightfully scared of people. A series of close shaves with things in the darkness, too close together to be mere coincidence.

 

[FuHyBi69]

When going to milk Livrea after choosing Flirt Harder, there's a grammar error

The original-

You turn back around to find, for a moment, you and Livrea were standing with your backs to each other. The bard's braced her hands on the opposite wall, legs crossed awkwardly. She was only wearing a tunic before, which means with that gone, Liv's down to nothing silky black panties. Vast tracts of plump, freckled butt are thrust back in your direction, and you can see the enormity of the bard's bosoms hanging heavy from her chest around her flanks. She's delightfully plush — every inch of that body begs to be squeezed and jiggled.

My Alteration-

You turn back around to find, for a moment, you and Livrea were standing with your backs to each other. The bard's braced her hands on the opposite wall, legs crossed awkwardly. She was only wearing a tunic before, which means with that gone, Liv's down to nothing but silky black panties. Vast tracts of plump, freckled butt are thrust back in your direction, and you can see the enormity of the bard's bosoms hanging heavy from her chest around her flanks. She's delightfully plush — every inch of that body begs to be squeezed and jiggled.

 

[FuHyBi69]

When rescuing Garret from Westbank and you talk to the loggers in the longhouse, there is poor sentence format via repeating of the same descriptor of Hethia by the loggers

The Original-

"All ten of us. We're a little tired and cold, but still all right. Provisions are a bit low, but we're pretty much unharmed, if rather stressed out. How'd you get in here, anyway? The crazy elf chick put up some kind of magic that prevents us from sneaking out and back to Hawkethorne. Trust me, we've tried."

Magic, eh? That would explain your difficult trip here.

Silence. And then, "Look, it's not that I don't want to leave — everyone here would like to put plenty of distance between us and that crazy elf chick. Garret's been taking the brunt of her attentions since he showed up, but there're things in the woods and the barges are full of holes. That we at least have a fighting chance against, but whatever spell the elf put on the woods twists the path on itself when we try to leave. You might be skilled enough to slip in and out as you like, but we aren't as good as you are, okay?"

My Alteration-

"All ten of us. We're a little tired and cold, but still all right. Provisions are a bit low, but we're pretty much unharmed, if rather stressed out. How'd you get in here, anyway? The crazy elf chick put up some kind of magic that prevents us from sneaking out and back to Hawkethorne. Trust me, we've tried."

Magic, eh? That would explain your difficult trip here.

Silence. And then, "Look, it's not that I don't want to leave — everyone here would like to put plenty of distance between us and that nutty elf. Garret's been taking the brunt of her attentions since he showed up, but there're things in the woods and the barges are full of holes. That we at least have a fighting chance against, but whatever spell the elf put on the woods twists the path on itself when we try to leave. You might be skilled enough to slip in and out as you like, but we aren't as good as you are, okay?

Similar meaning on the second mention of Hethia, but helps avoid the repetition in the descriptor. This way it reads a little better

 

[FuHyBi69]

When talking to Garret while he's in the cage and select the talk option "Garret", there is some repetitiveness when referring to Hethia as the "Crazy Elf Witch"
in the dialog. (It is separated decently, so may not necessarily need alteration. It would just be better to have different descriptors in the same dialog.)

The Original-

So, can he tell you just what happened between him leaving the Frost Hound and ending up in a cage?

"What's that got to do with getting everyone out of here?"

Well, everything. If you're going to formulate a plan to escape, then you need to have all the pertinent information at hand, don't you? Even if he thinks that there's nothing important there, it's always very possible he might have missed something, no? And let's face it, you're getting the distinct impression from his attitude and demeanor that his reluctance to share that bit of information has less to do with its relevance and more to do with salving his pride. Are you right?

"Hrrrmph. Kinda sorta."

Good, at least he can admit it, even if it took some pressing. Now, if he could just spill the beans...

Garret takes a moment to gather his thoughts — you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he gets his memories lined up and in order. Then:

"Okay, where do you want me to begin? If my old man sent you to get me, then no doubt he's told you some of the story."

He can begin from where he had an argument with Garth and stormed out of the Frost Hound. That's as far as his father got, anyway.

"Huh, okay. So my old man said a bunch of choice things back then — that I was throwing away what he'd worked for, that he'd suffered so much to have the chance to give me a better life, and that I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Was only natural for him to say that; he had his fun when he was young, then gets all crabby when he realises he's not as spry as he used to be, and the wind starts to ring hollow in his bones.

"I was pissed, too. If I could take down this dumb animal that'd gotten everyone so worked up, my old man would be forced to admit that I wasn't the useless piece of dogmeat that he thinks I am. That's his favorite line at the bar, you know? 'Hunters coming in thinking they're the next dragonslayers,' that's what he says. So I up and go."

But Garth and Sanders were raising a militia to go and check things out. What makes him think that he could succeed where —

Garret holds up a hand for silence. "As a kid, I spent plenty of time out of doors. You know, just a healthy enjoyment of the natural world — fresh air, a good hike, the company of big hairy animals like me and so on."

Uh-huuh.

"The only thing a militia would've accomplished stomping through the undergrowth would be to just scare the beasts into falling back, then after they'd picked over the area and gotten tired, whatever was harassing the camp would simply have come back once they'd gone home."

Is he sure he isn't just rationalizing away his bad decision to charge straight ahead of everyone else in order to prove himself to his father?

Garret narrows his eyes. "Look, friend, if you want me to continue, knock it off, okay? I'm humiliated enough as it is — you don't have to rub it in any further. If you want to turn into my old man, can you do it after we've dealt with this?"

Right. So what happened next?

He shrugs. "I pick up my things and start heading out towards Westbank. Yeah, the forest is oddly silent when I get close, but nothing jumps out at me like I was expecting. The trees, though, they were twisting the path. Making it back in upon itself, making it hard to get anywhere. You follow my meaning?"

You think you do, yes. You encountered the same thing on the way here.

"Then like me, you realized that following the path closely wasn't the best thing to do, was it? I don't know what kind of spell the crazy elf witch cast to bend the woods to her bidding, but I was smart enough to go around instead of meeting it head-on.

"Anyway, so far so good, I make it to the camp, slip in. Found no one around, not in the work yard. There's this huge-ass warg prowling the bushes by the smokehouse, seems to be looking for something. I didn't know if the folks at the camp were in hiding, fled or dead, but I figured that if I took out the problem there and then I wouldn't have to keep on looking over my shoulder while investigating. So I sneak up on that huge thing and wrestle it to the ground —"

Wait, he what? Garret looks up at you and scratches his ears. "Did I say something wrong?"

He just said he wrestled the warg to the ground?

"I didn't say it was easy, but I did it, yeah. Was more of a challenge than most — those things don't really live in the Old Forest, and I figured it must've wandered down from the higher peaks. Of course, I didn't consider that someone might've brought it down, and —"

He wrestled the gods know how many weights of snarling predator to the ground?

"Is it that odd?"

You'd just expected him to use a weapon. Like... like a bow. A spear. A javelin. Or something. Not his fists.

Garret snorts. "My entire body is a weapon."

A weapon that can't break out of an old rusty cage.

"Touche. I go with what works, yeah? You don't criticize my style, and I won't criticize yours. Besides, I'd pretty much gotten my hands about that warg's neck and was throttling it to death when the crazy elf witch comes running up and casts some kind of spell — I only realize she's there when I can't move any more and fall off the warg like an idiot.

"And that's about that, really. The witch comes up, gives me an earful for hurting her poor pet, then strips me of my stuff and locks me in this cage because she's not sure what to do with me. And that's the long and short of it."

My Alteration-

So, can he tell you just what happened between him leaving the Frost Hound and ending up in a cage?

"What's that got to do with getting everyone out of here?"

Well, everything. If you're going to formulate a plan to escape, then you need to have all the pertinent information at hand, don't you? Even if he thinks that there's nothing important there, it's always very possible he might have missed something, no? And let's face it, you're getting the distinct impression from his attitude and demeanor that his reluctance to share that bit of information has less to do with its relevance and more to do with salving his pride. Are you right?

"Hrrrmph. Kinda sorta."

Good, at least he can admit it, even if it took some pressing. Now, if he could just spill the beans...

Garret takes a moment to gather his thoughts — you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he gets his memories lined up and in order. Then:

"Okay, where do you want me to begin? If my old man sent you to get me, then no doubt he's told you some of the story."

He can begin from where he had an argument with Garth and stormed out of the Frost Hound. That's as far as his father got, anyway.

"Huh, okay. So my old man said a bunch of choice things back then — that I was throwing away what he'd worked for, that he'd suffered so much to have the chance to give me a better life, and that I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Was only natural for him to say that; he had his fun when he was young, then gets all crabby when he realises he's not as spry as he used to be, and the wind starts to ring hollow in his bones.

"I was pissed, too. If I could take down this dumb animal that'd gotten everyone so worked up, my old man would be forced to admit that I wasn't the useless piece of dogmeat that he thinks I am. That's his favorite line at the bar, you know? 'Hunters coming in thinking they're the next dragonslayers,' that's what he says. So I up and go."

But Garth and Sanders were raising a militia to go and check things out. What makes him think that he could succeed where —

Garret holds up a hand for silence. "As a kid, I spent plenty of time out of doors. You know, just a healthy enjoyment of the natural world — fresh air, a good hike, the company of big hairy animals like me and so on."

Uh-huuh.

"The only thing a militia would've accomplished stomping through the undergrowth would be to just scare the beasts into falling back, then after they'd picked over the area and gotten tired, whatever was harassing the camp would simply have come back once they'd gone home."

Is he sure he isn't just rationalizing away his bad decision to charge straight ahead of everyone else in order to prove himself to his father?

Garret narrows his eyes. "Look, friend, if you want me to continue, knock it off, okay? I'm humiliated enough as it is — you don't have to rub it in any further. If you want to turn into my old man, can you do it after we've dealt with this?"

Right. So what happened next?

He shrugs. "I pick up my things and start heading out towards Westbank. Yeah, the forest is oddly silent when I get close, but nothing jumps out at me like I was expecting. The trees, though, they were twisting the path. Making it back in upon itself, making it hard to get anywhere. You follow my meaning?"

You think you do, yes. You encountered the same thing on the way here.

"Then like me, you realized that following the path closely wasn't the best thing to do, was it? I don't know what kind of spell the crazy elf witch cast to bend the woods to her bidding, but I was smart enough to go around instead of meeting it head-on.

"Anyway, so far so good, I make it to the camp, slip in. Found no one around, not in the work yard. There's this huge-ass warg prowling the bushes by the smokehouse, seems to be looking for something. I didn't know if the folks at the camp were in hiding, fled or dead, but I figured that if I took out the problem there and then I wouldn't have to keep on looking over my shoulder while investigating. So I sneak up on that huge thing and wrestle it to the ground —"

Wait, he what? Garret looks up at you and scratches his ears. "Did I say something wrong?"

He just said he wrestled the warg to the ground?

"I didn't say it was easy, but I did it, yeah. Was more of a challenge than most — those things don't really live in the Old Forest, and I figured it must've wandered down from the higher peaks. Of course, I didn't consider that someone might've brought it down, and —"

He wrestled the gods know how many weights of snarling predator to the ground?

"Is it that odd?"

You'd just expected him to use a weapon. Like... like a bow. A spear. A javelin. Or something. Not his fists.

Garret snorts. "My entire body is a weapon."

A weapon that can't break out of an old rusty cage.

"Touche. I go with what works, yeah? You don't criticize my style, and I won't criticize yours. Besides, I'd pretty much gotten my hands about that warg's neck and was throttling it to death when the loony elf comes running up and casts some kind of spell — I only realize she's there when I can't move any more and fall off the warg like an idiot.

"And that's about that, really. The witch comes up, gives me an earful for hurting her poor pet, then strips me of my stuff and locks me in this cage because she's not sure what to do with me. And that's the long and short of it."

 

[FuHyBi69]

Starting here I am playing the [0.7.21] download version.

I found a spelling mistake upon defeating Ylvid in Livrea's initial quest to get her home to Khor'minos

The Original-

Ylvid groans. "Well, it was a good fight! I can go back to the tribe and sing this story without shame. But still, you won I fight I picked. Do what you want with me. Heh, I kinda want to know what the Storm Witch's brat can-"

My Alteration-

Ylvid groans. "Well, it was a good fight! I can go back to the tribe and sing this story without shame. But still, you won a fight I picked. Do what you want with me. Heh, I kinda want to know what the Storm Witch's brat can-"

 

[FuHyBi69]

When running into Berwyn the first time there is a grammar mistake in the fourth paragraph

The Original-

It takes a moment of sizing up to determine the dogfolk's gender, but the bulge just slightly tenting his black robes gives it away pretty easily despite the half-breed's almost girly appearance. His cloak seems to flows around a wide set of hips and plush thighs, while his narrow shoulders and the soft features of his face also lend to a more effeminate appearance.

My Alteration-
It takes a moment of sizing up to determine the dogfolk's gender, but the bulge just slightly tenting his black robes gives it away pretty easily despite the half-breed's almost girly appearance. His cloak seems to flow around a wide set of hips and plush thighs, while his narrow shoulders and the soft features of his face also lend to a more effeminate appearance.

 

[FuHyBi69]

When watching the fight between Arona and Argoth, there is questionable wording when Benny enters the fight

The Original-

In the blink of an eye, she's gone, hurtling back with the force of a massive blow as the hill troll roars and stomps into the tent to defend its master. It's a huge misshapen thing, barely humanoid in its form and rippling with twisted hunch-backed muscle. One eye is much bigger than the other, but both swim in a drunken, unfocused haze. It seems like his minders have been incapacitated, leaving the troll violently ill — but still just as violent!

My alteration-

In the blink of an eye, she's gone, hurtling back with the force of a massive blow as the hill troll roars and stomps into the tent to defend its master. It's a huge misshapen thing, barely humanoid in its form and rippling with twisted hunch-backed muscle. One eye is much bigger than the other, but both swim in a drunken, unfocused haze. It seems like his mind has been incapacitated, leaving the troll violently ill — but still just as violent!

I'm assuming it's trying to say his mind has been incapacitated?

 

[FuHyBi69]

When attacking the palisade during the getting into the closet quest, there is an error in the 4th paragraph

My party members are Cait and Quin, and after climbing the wall I had Quin use his magic to incapacitate the guards at the palisade.
When confronted by the Reaver it reads as though I used wyvern venom to incapacitate the guards at the end of the fourth paragraph.

The Text In Question-

Despite his heavy breathing and obvious arousal, he's managed to withstand the effects of the aphrodisiac you doused the barricade with, be it through his sheer size diluting the dosage he received, or through dint of sheer willpower.

 

[FuHyBi69]

When confronting the Reaver in the getting into the closet quest with Quin in your party there is an error in the last paragraph

The Original-

"Don't worry about; if you live to the end of this day, I'll get real acquainted with you all over again. Now then, Selena... shall we enact some justice on this musclehead?"

My Alteration-

"Don't worry about it; if you live to the end of this day, I'll get real acquainted with you all over again. Now then, Selena... shall we enact some justice on this musclehead?"

 

[FuHyBi69]

When talking to the Cat Harem about what they want to do after beating Hirrud in Missing Meows, there is a grammar mistake in the fourth paragraph.

The Original-

Yset chews her plump lip, looking between you and the other kittens. After a long moment, she grins and laces her fingers behind her head. "I can survive anywhere after this. But wherever I go, I want to stay with the girls. They're the only family I have. And hey — being your bed-warmer would be a lot easier, and maybe even more fun, than thieving. Plus... you know, I've kinda always wanted a family of my own, but being a rogue's not exactly conducive for getting knocking up and popping out kits. A safe little burg like this, though? And with a gal like you... Hmm?"

My Alteration-

Yset chews her plump lip, looking between you and the other kittens. After a long moment, she grins and laces her fingers behind her head. "I can survive anywhere after this. But wherever I go, I want to stay with the girls. They're the only family I have. And hey — being your bed-warmer would be a lot easier, and maybe even more fun, than thieving. Plus... you know, I've kinda always wanted a family of my own, but being a rogue's not exactly conducive for getting knocked up and popping out kits. A safe little burg like this, though? And with a gal like you... Hmm?"

 

[FuHyBi69]

My character is a hermaphrodite, and when choosing to Fuck the Unitaur in Harboring a Fugitive it misgender's me in the third paragraph

The Error-

"Ahhh, how bestial! Taking a woman like that without even asking her name. I love a man who takes charge," She growls hungrily, taking a step back that staggers your advance. Hey, you can talk!

 

[FuHyBi69]

While fucking the Unitaur in Harboring a Fugitive, there is a grammar error in the second paragraph

The Original-

Each slap against her juicy thighs sends reverberating shockwaves of pleasure, but to the last they're accompanied by a profound sense of lacking. You should be feeling so much better, but it seems like the more fuck the less sensation makes it through the haze of pink energy around you. you know it should feel better than this. You also know the way to bring that pleasure back to its full glory.

My Alteration-
Each slap against her juicy thighs sends reverberating shockwaves of pleasure, but to the last they're accompanied by a profound sense of lacking. You should be feeling so much better, but it seems like the more you fuck the less sensation makes it through the haze of pink energy around you. you know it should feel better than this. You also know the way to bring that pleasure back to its full glory.

 

[FuHyBi69]

When talking to Brother Sanders about Liaden, there is a grammar error in the third paragraph

The Original-

"Lyana was..." he sighs, leaning against the lectern and watching Liaden work. "She was my best friend. There were other women in my life after her, I suppose, but Lyana was the only one who ever captured my heart. But I never knew she had a child at all, much less mine. I suppose... I suppose it was very like her, to not wish to part me from my destiny. Perhaps she heard the stories of my exploits, of the people I was helping, and decided to withhold Liaden's existence. Or as Lia herself says, simply never had a way to tell me. I was always on the move as a young man, and as the years passed, my reports to the other paladins become less and less frequent."

My Alteration-

"Lyana was..." he sighs, leaning against the lectern and watching Liaden work. "She was my best friend. There were other women in my life after her, I suppose, but Lyana was the only one who ever captured my heart. But I never knew she had a child at all, much less mine. I suppose... I suppose it was very like her, to not wish to part me from my destiny. Perhaps she heard the stories of my exploits, of the people I was helping, and decided to withhold Liaden's existence. Or as Lia herself says, simply never had a way to tell me. I was always on the move as a young man, and as the years passed, my reports to the other paladins became less and less frequent."

 

[FuHyBi69]

There is also a spelling mistake in the fifth paragraph when talking to Brother Sanders about Liaden

The Original-

"Goddess take me, but if I had known that she was with child when we parted, I would have cut my way across Belhar and all the Marches to see Lyana again!" Sanders says firmly, shaking his head. "Had I heard a word of it, I would have been there for her. For both of them. And now that I know Lyana is putting down root in Maidensbridge, you can rest assured I've sent her a stern letter... and a heartfelt request that she come and speak in person. In the meantime... it seems Liaden intends to stay in Hawkethorne. I'm truly thankful for the opportunity to make up for lost time with her while it lasts, though. Twenty years of lost time, can you believe it!"

My Alteration-

"Goddess take me, but if I had known that she was with child when we parted, I would have cut my way across Belhar and all the Marches to see Lyana again!" Sanders says firmly, shaking his head. "Had I heard a word of it, I would have been there for her. For both of them. And now that I know Lyana is putting down roots in Maidensbridge, you can rest assured I've sent her a stern letter... and a heartfelt request that she come and speak in person. In the meantime... it seems Liaden intends to stay in Hawkethorne. I'm truly thankful for the opportunity to make up for lost time with her while it lasts, though. Twenty years of lost time, can you believe it!"

 

[FuHyBi69]

When first meeting Mistress Matiha in Berwyn's Quest The Mistress, there is a spelling mistake in the eighth paragraph before fighting her

The Original-

The woman chuckles and turns around, revealing an impressive bust stretching her robes and a beautiful face with browns eyes and dark lips. "Oh come now, Berwyn," she says, "I don't know what you're going on about, but help me deal with your friends here and then we can have a nice night together..."

My Alteration-

The woman chuckles and turns around, revealing an impressive bust stretching her robes and a beautiful face with brown eyes and dark lips. "Oh come now, Berwyn," she says, "I don't know what you're going on about, but help me deal with your friends here and then we can have a nice night together..."