Breastfeed from Lumia with Cait
- Thread starter shovelry
- Start date
Looks good to me. If I had a comment, I could only say to check for 'Lumia' and 'goddess' and just make sure they aren't overused too soon together. If you get a 'Lumia's screams', 'Lumia's milk,' or 'Lumia's skin' or something when you do a CTRL-F and see them highlighted too closely, just try a different descriptor. Even if it's 'the chocolate-skinned deity' or 'the Mother of Valkyries' or even 'the golden-eyed woman' or something. Otherwise, I didn't see anything out of place.
Yeah, that was tricky to work around - when you have more than 2 characters in a scene, you can't rely on saying "she" or "her" and expect the reader to immediately conclude "oh, i know which 'she' they're talking about".
I'll throw in some more variations though.
