A crab's gay writings

Karakara

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I think this is appropriate considering GIn85FTboAAl1KF.jpeg

I am interested though -- will champion get a chance to be a part of a gangbang. Either as one of the dudes fucking him (get that mob fantasy going) or them also being a bottom bitch to bunch of minotaurs.
 
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Knife-wielding Crab

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Dec 25, 2017
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A quick sign of life post with some work on the mining bull

"Haven't had time to try that mouth, big guy," you tell Odo, [pc.hasMagicock|flicking your clit ring and wagging your [pc.cock] at him.|grabbing your [pc.cock] and swaying it in front of his thirsty eyes.]

Nikol giggles as he presses his slender frame against Odo's broad back, reaching around and untying the foreman's belt. "Sounds like a great idea," he whispers as the professional tugs down Odo's trousers, making the foreman's flared 15 incher spring forward.

"I'll bet a tough guy like you could handle a tiny little spit-roast," Nikol underlines the dirty talk by pulling his skirt to the side, releasing his own fat mast and dragging it along Odo's fuzzy thighs.

The foreman shudders and sinks to his knees while carefully grabbing your [pc.cock] in his powerful hand. As the big mino lowers his face towards your [mf|man|woman]-hood, he hesitates. Nikol notices, "What's the matter Odo? First time using mouth."

"Y-yes," the black bull mutters and lowers his gaze.

Nikol pats the foreman on his muscular shoulder and kneels down beside him, taking your [pc.cock] into his dexterous hands. "Don't worry, I'll show you the ropes, it's quite easy. 'Cause you see,'' Nikol taps his muzzle. "We bulls have at least one advantage over our kin-sisters."

The pretty-boy underlines this by rolling out his long, broad tongue and proceeds to wrap his lips around your shaft. You groan as the skilled cocksucker drapes his expert tongue around your flesh, gently caressing your skin as the bull-boy works your [pc.cock] down his throat.

In the corner of your eyes, you notice Odo staring in awe at Nikol's gentle bobbing, licking his lips in response to the delicate man's cute gulps. As he throats your entire length and rubbing his soft nose against your [pc.skinFurScales], you moan as Nikol gets a serving of your pre.

Nikol hiccups and releases your tool, "Oh dear, got a bit carried away. Don't want you to blow before the boss gets to try."

He throws Odo an inviting gaze, and the foreman takes a deep breath as he throws off his tunic and positions himself between your legs. You take the opportunity to sneak down a hand and grab his meaty pecs that are on full display, by the gods they are dense. The black bull huffs from the groping, wafting your tool in his hot breath as he grabs your pride and nuzzles it against his fuzzy cheeks.
 

teawolf

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Jan 30, 2024
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A quick sign of life post with some work on the mining bull

"Haven't had time to try that mouth, big guy," you tell Odo, [pc.hasMagicock|flicking your clit ring and wagging your [pc.cock] at him.|grabbing your [pc.cock] and swaying it in front of his thirsty eyes.]

Nikol giggles as he presses his slender frame against Odo's broad back, reaching around and untying the foreman's belt. "Sounds like a great idea," he whispers as the professional tugs down Odo's trousers, making the foreman's flared 15 incher spring forward.

"I'll bet a tough guy like you could handle a tiny little spit-roast," Nikol underlines the dirty talk by pulling his skirt to the side, releasing his own fat mast and dragging it along Odo's fuzzy thighs.

The foreman shudders and sinks to his knees while carefully grabbing your [pc.cock] in his powerful hand. As the big mino lowers his face towards your [mf|man|woman]-hood, he hesitates. Nikol notices, "What's the matter Odo? First time using mouth."

"Y-yes," the black bull mutters and lowers his gaze.

Nikol pats the foreman on his muscular shoulder and kneels down beside him, taking your [pc.cock] into his dexterous hands. "Don't worry, I'll show you the ropes, it's quite easy. 'Cause you see,'' Nikol taps his muzzle. "We bulls have at least one advantage over our kin-sisters."

The pretty-boy underlines this by rolling out his long, broad tongue and proceeds to wrap his lips around your shaft. You groan as the skilled cocksucker drapes his expert tongue around your flesh, gently caressing your skin as the bull-boy works your [pc.cock] down his throat.

In the corner of your eyes, you notice Odo staring in awe at Nikol's gentle bobbing, licking his lips in response to the delicate man's cute gulps. As he throats your entire length and rubbing his soft nose against your [pc.skinFurScales], you moan as Nikol gets a serving of your pre.

Nikol hiccups and releases your tool, "Oh dear, got a bit carried away. Don't want you to blow before the boss gets to try."

He throws Odo an inviting gaze, and the foreman takes a deep breath as he throws off his tunic and positions himself between your legs. You take the opportunity to sneak down a hand and grab his meaty pecs that are on full display, by the gods they are dense. The black bull huffs from the groping, wafting your tool in his hot breath as he grabs your pride and nuzzles it against his fuzzy cheeks.
ohohohoho! Odo shuddering in between the PC and Nikol is that good shit...

Caught a couple of typos--

  • The comma after spit-roast should be a period, since the sentence that follows it isn't a dialogue tag (says, etc). To clarify who is talking, I might change "the" dirty talk to "his," if it is Nikol talking.
  • "First time using mouth" should have a question mark, (or a dialogue tag to clarify that Nikol isn't asking.)
  • "rubbing" in "As he throats..." should be "rubs."
  • Same issue as above after "releases your tool"--should be a period, since there isn't a dialogue tag. That makes them two different sentences! (Still easy to read and follow, no worries.)

thanks for doing work on dude-dude action....!!
 
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Knife-wielding Crab

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Dec 25, 2017
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I think this is appropriate considering View attachment 34282

I am interested though -- will champion get a chance to be a part of a gangbang. Either as one of the dudes fucking him (get that mob fantasy going) or them also being a bottom bitch to bunch of minotaurs.
Sorry for late answer.

I plan on atleast having the pc be on the bottom during a group event aswell as spectating wile Odoacer wrangles his men.

Topping is up in the air. Depends on if I have the inspiration and will for it.
 
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Knife-wielding Crab

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Status update.

Odoacer is coming along fine and its mostly post quest stuff that needs to be written, but since there's no hurry finishing him (considering the first part needs approval) I decided to start on another project.

Ulric, the crazy horse tamer.

A lupine entrepreneur who's set up a ranch in the harvest valley where he traps crazy horses and break them in, making them a bit more docile. Then he invites customers to mate with his stallions, turning the ranch into a bordello (although he refuses to admit it).

Ulric has a cowboy aesthetic, with a calm, friendly and rugged attitude. He isn't afraid to get down and dirty with unruly stallions, which includes riding them into submission power-bottom style. Ulric's morality is a bit questionable, since he treats his stocks more like cattle than sentient beings and his business revolves around sex work.

And an excerpt to give an idea of his looks and character.

You're startled by a sharp whistle, which is followed by a, "Hey there, traveler!"

You turn around and spot a lupine man walking along a pathway, with a leashed and cuffed stallion following close behind.

The lupine is on the leaner side of his otherwise burly species, with an athletic frame and wiry arms. His coat of fur is black with patches of white around his eyes, muzzle and chest. He's dressed in a red buttoned-up shirt that leaves a bit of white chest hair poking out around his neck. On his head sits a leather hat with wide, upturned brims with some of his black, spiky bangs poking out beneath the leather.

His legs are dressed in a pair of tough, blue trousers that stop just above his ankles, where his bare paws thread the dusty ground. Behind him, above a firm tush, wags a bushy tail that's black with some white fur at the very end. Pair that with a friendly smile and his happy, blue eyes, it makes him look kinda cute despite his rugged equipment.

The lupine walks up to you, with the stallion in tow.

"Haven't seen you around these parts, and by the looks of you, I suspect you're that champion the townsfolk has been gushing about. So what's your name, friend?"

You give the lupine your name, all the while keeping a watchful eye on the towering stud behind him.

"Pleasure to meet ya, [pc.name]. The name's Ulric and these are my stomping grounds. And don't worry about Braci here, I've just broken him in and he'll behave for now on. Won't you Braci?"

"Who's that, chief? Does [pc.heShe] want to breed?"

"See? He asked politely! When I first got him he was lunging at anything with a pulse. Let me get this big guy to the pen, then we can talk."

Have a nice weekend.
Crab
 

Knife-wielding Crab

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Another update on my lupine horse wrangler (read: cowboy)

Changed his name from Ulric to Jevon. The idea is to have a character who tries to deal with the crazy horses his own way, and that by capturing them and breaking them in. You'll get to join him hunting crazy horses and go on starlit dates with him. But his business may not be all that kosher, something that will be explored in later parts.

Anyway, here's his appearance scene.

You glance over at Jevon, your lupine host who's calmly sipping at his mug next to you. He's quite a handsome fellow, having all the good looks of a rugged country boy with spiky, black hair on his head. He is covered from head to toe in black fur, with white spots around his muzzle, eyes and chest.

He stands at about 5'7 feet and is on the slimmer side for a lupine male. Instead of the burly build that is normal of his kin, Jevon sports an athletic build with thin, wiry arms packed with muscles and a trim chest and midriff. A body more aimed at speed and quick thinking than brute force.

For clothes, the ranch owner prefers to wear a red button-up shirt with a pair of blue pants that reach his bootless ankles. He usually has the top button undone, giving you a tasteful peek at his white, fuzzy chest.

His trademark leather hat is currently hanging by a thread around his neck. Its wide brim is turned slightly upwards and it serves well to protect against the dust and dirt of the harvest valley. It has a pair of holes to accommodate his pointed ears and you won't lie; he looks cute when he wears it.

[Jevon.sexed|You can't help but smirk, and Jevon raises an eyebrow over your merriment.

"Do I have something on my face?" he asks as his perky ears bats against his hat.

"Nah, just undressing you," you answer.

"Oh," he says and returns the grin. "Lemme' help."

The lupine unbuttons another button on his shirt and shrugs his shoulders, allowing the top part of his shirt to come apart. That's all you get from the tease as he whispers, "There. Now you can use that imagination of yours."

That you can, 'cause you've had more than enough time to appreciate his athletic frame during your intimate moments. He has sculpted muscles in all the right places, with a pair of firm, broad pecs and a rock-hard middle. His six-pack is clearly visible even with the coat of white fur covering his stomach.

Beneath his blue trousers rests a snug lupine pouch with a set of egg-sized balls. His red lupine dick is just like the rest of him, packed and powerful at a respectable 8-inch of length and with a bitch-plugging knot.

On his back, black fur runs across his shapely lats and turns white around his buttocks. Jevon's ass is springy and muscular that fits perfectly in one's palm, making them easy to toy and jiggle with. Those white-furred cheeks are the perfect frame for a pink bud resting between them. While his chute looks tight, you have it on good authority that it's incredibly stretchy to accommodate all the horse cock he tends to ride.]

Jevon clicks his tongue and winks at you, "Are you done checking the view, [pc.mfn|handsome|doll|cutie]? Your drink will get cold otherwise."
 
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Knife-wielding Crab

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About 5k word in on my Jevon doc.

He may turn in to Steve Irwin if you're running on silly mode

With a wolfish grin, Jevon positions himself above the slick horse cock, taking some of the lubricant on his fingers and pushing them inside his butt. "I hope you're paying attention, [pc.name]. 'Cause you're about to see some world-class buck-ridin'."

Jevon grabs the throbbing, black tool and places the flare against his entrance. He takes a deep breath and carefully slides it into his tunnel. When working his way down, the horse wrangler's grin turns to grit as he reaches the median ring.

"Oh shi– You're a big fella' aren't you," he murmurs while wiggling his hips as he pushes past the speed bump. "Almost as big as Eko. Don't worry buddy. We'll break you in no time; gonna make some good cash from you."

In response, the stallion makes a vigorous thrust, forcing the last inches of his massive cock inside Jevon. The lupine howls and topples forward, grabbing the stallion's chest to keep balance.

"That's the stuff," Jevon grunts and sits up straight. He adjusts his hat and starts unbuttoning his shirt. "[pc.name]! You need to look at this."

As the last button comes loose, Jevon drapes the shirt like a curtain around his athletic torso. He grabs your hand and places it on his lower stomach, you can feel the throbbing stallion dick behind the wranglers rock-hard six pack.

"[silly|Crikey!] Do you feel this fella'? This is a prime breeding stud we've catched. Great job buddy!"

You don't really listen to him because his soft stomach fur has caught all your attention. Tracing your fingers through the white field of warm fuzz, your tummy-petting sends his bushy tail wagging.

"Alright, alright. Time to stop playing and start working," Jevon huffs as he gyrates his hips, loosening his butt in preparation for the ride.

He rises on his haunches, dragging his toned butt along the black cock until only the flare remains inside. His core flexes under your fingers, and he holds on to your shoulder for support.
 

Karakara

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Feb 15, 2024
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Oh yes, I will read this. Question, though: do you have any art piece of something that is of a similiar enough to your decription of Jevon? Character or just something showing his general physic. I am kind of getting hard time picturing him for some reason.
 

Ace Hangman

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Sep 16, 2021
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Finished reading through the Jevon doc. I noted any typos, grammar, confusing parts, or suggestions I saw or had. The opinions and suggestions are just one person's thoughts. Others may disagree. Hopefully some of it was helpful and if need any help when you add more, let me know.

These scenes aren't typically for me (guy stuff), but the scene and location was done well enough. I think maybe some expansion into the non-sexual aspect for people that like the character but don't want to be romantic wouldn't be unwelcome. Who doesn't like a cowboy?
 
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Ace Hangman

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Next, have the coders add a new Crazy horse after meeting Jevon (same looks and stats as normal, so they won't know he's 'marked' as special), but when beaten, Jevon shows up and offers to take over. He can give the Champ some Hawks or some item or something if they agree, and then they can leave, or watch him work (before marefolk ranch hand carts it away), or they can 'help' or they can refuse and he randomly leaves or watches and cheers. Of course, depending on what they know...
 

Knife-wielding Crab

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Dec 25, 2017
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Brief status update.

Since I've just finished another big project I've decided to slow down a little bit while waiting for any words from the devs. Meanwhile, I'll be clinking away on some smaller scenes just to keep myself warm.

Currently, got a small project with Elaril, the wyld-elf man in the old forest. You use his hair to get him in a sex-swing. Then you rail him. The End.
 

Knife-wielding Crab

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Just poking my head in here to inform that I'm still not dead. I have slowed down a bit in wait for projects to be reviewed. Currently writing on a femboy bridge-troll (orc). I plan for him to be a bit simpler than my other project, but I will leave him open ended if i decide I want to expand on him. Or just write some simple scenes.

Walking through the rolling hills and valleys of the Foothills, you find yourself at a narrow bridge. The foot of the crossing is surrounded by thick bushes and jagged rocks, [pc.background soldier hunter|a perfect place for an ambush, and you ready your [pc.weapon]|the perfect place for an ambush, and you keep your eyes on the uneven bushes. There seem to be some twigs broken among the branches.|and you get an uneasy feeling.]

Carefully stepping out on the bridge, you hear twigs snapping and leaf rustling as something jumps out from the bushes behind you. As you swirl around, you see a cloaked, slender figure stumble out from the bushes.

The ambusher fumbles with a bow and arrow, spilling out most of the arrows from the holster in the process. When they finally manage to notch the arrow, they draw back the string without much issue, proving that there's no problem in the strength department at least.

"S-stand and deliver!" a high-pitched voice calls out as the figure's cloak falls back. Green skin, fang-like canines, ears pierced with animal bones and a side-cut with symbols shaved into the temple[party.has Arona|. Arona strokes her chin while looking at the trembling mugger.

"Ah, it seems one of our whelps has taken up a side hustle. Your form is lacking but I respect the drive!"|; yup, that's an orc alright.]

From the way the highway orc trembles, and coupled with the worry in their eyes, you can tell this robber business might not be their forte. Although the orc's firm grip on the arrow tells you there won't be any misfirings, so you relax a bit.

"Deliver what?" you ask.

"Y-your electrum, dumbass! Now hand 'em over and you won't get hurt," the orc stutters.

"Why would I do that?"

"'Cause it's my bridge, and I'm taking my toll!"

You point at the sign where it proclaims King Kelsaz patronage, and the orc flushes.

"That stupid cow ain't here, is he? Last warning, I'm taking that purse whether you like it or not!"

Well, it looks like there's no way of talking your way out, so you ready your [pc.weapons].

After landing one final blow, the orc yelps and falls on their ass.

"Ooow…" the robber moans as you kick away their weapons. Now that the unpleasantries are out of the way, you decide to give them a better inspection.

They look quite peculiar for an orc and are lacking in both bulk and length. If it weren't for their green skin and fangs you would've thought this was an elf.

"What's your name, girl?" you ask with an imposing voice.

The orc opens their mouth and is about to give you some back-talk, but your glaring puts them in better thoughts.

"Fergash. And I'm a boy, asshole," the orc mutters with his nasally voice.

Good, now you got that settled since you weren't sure orc men [silly|came in twink size|could be so androgynous], and this one got some serious curves; with wide hips and thick thighs spilling out from his short leather-pants. The femboy look is further strengthened by his long, black eyelashes paired with full lips and a smooth, beardless face. A face that's crowned by a flowing sidecut that reaches his shoulders.

"You gonna kill me?" Fergash asks with a hint of worry in his voice.

"No. Get up so I can get a better look at you," you answer and give him your hand.

The orc looks at your hand with contempt, but accepts it and pulls himself up. Fergash is about six feet tall and has a androgynous build; not what you would expect from his brutish kin. He's wearing a leather-vest that's cut off around his shoulder and ending just above his belt. It has a fur lining around its collar and is tied up with loose knots starting from his chest and ending around his waist. Some of the bindings have come apart and you can spot the orcs' smooth, green skin on the other side.

Despite having a healthy bit of chunk, especially around his thighs and ass, you can make out some abs on his soft middle. Pair that with his toned arms; it's clear that Fergas is stronger than the average femboy thanks to his orcish lineage.

Fergash clears his throat, "Look, I'm sorry that I tried to rob you. Can't we just forget about this?"

He tries to slither away, but you block his path, not being done with him quite yet. The girly orc rolls his eyes and sighs. "Ok, whose dick do I need to suck to get out of this?"
 

Karakara

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Feb 15, 2024
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Just poking my head in here to inform that I'm still not dead. I have slowed down a bit in wait for projects to be reviewed. Currently writing on a femboy bridge-troll (orc). I plan for him to be a bit simpler than my other project, but I will leave him open ended if i decide I want to expand on him. Or just write some simple scenes.

Walking through the rolling hills and valleys of the Foothills, you find yourself at a narrow bridge. The foot of the crossing is surrounded by thick bushes and jagged rocks, [pc.background soldier hunter|a perfect place for an ambush, and you ready your [pc.weapon]|the perfect place for an ambush, and you keep your eyes on the uneven bushes. There seem to be some twigs broken among the branches.|and you get an uneasy feeling.]

Carefully stepping out on the bridge, you hear twigs snapping and leaf rustling as something jumps out from the bushes behind you. As you swirl around, you see a cloaked, slender figure stumble out from the bushes.

The ambusher fumbles with a bow and arrow, spilling out most of the arrows from the holster in the process. When they finally manage to notch the arrow, they draw back the string without much issue, proving that there's no problem in the strength department at least.

"S-stand and deliver!" a high-pitched voice calls out as the figure's cloak falls back. Green skin, fang-like canines, ears pierced with animal bones and a side-cut with symbols shaved into the temple[party.has Arona|. Arona strokes her chin while looking at the trembling mugger.

"Ah, it seems one of our whelps has taken up a side hustle. Your form is lacking but I respect the drive!"|; yup, that's an orc alright.]

From the way the highway orc trembles, and coupled with the worry in their eyes, you can tell this robber business might not be their forte. Although the orc's firm grip on the arrow tells you there won't be any misfirings, so you relax a bit.

"Deliver what?" you ask.

"Y-your electrum, dumbass! Now hand 'em over and you won't get hurt," the orc stutters.

"Why would I do that?"

"'Cause it's my bridge, and I'm taking my toll!"

You point at the sign where it proclaims King Kelsaz patronage, and the orc flushes.

"That stupid cow ain't here, is he? Last warning, I'm taking that purse whether you like it or not!"

Well, it looks like there's no way of talking your way out, so you ready your [pc.weapons].

After landing one final blow, the orc yelps and falls on their ass.

"Ooow…" the robber moans as you kick away their weapons. Now that the unpleasantries are out of the way, you decide to give them a better inspection.

They look quite peculiar for an orc and are lacking in both bulk and length. If it weren't for their green skin and fangs you would've thought this was an elf.

"What's your name, girl?" you ask with an imposing voice.

The orc opens their mouth and is about to give you some back-talk, but your glaring puts them in better thoughts.

"Fergash. And I'm a boy, asshole," the orc mutters with his nasally voice.

Good, now you got that settled since you weren't sure orc men [silly|came in twink size|could be so androgynous], and this one got some serious curves; with wide hips and thick thighs spilling out from his short leather-pants. The femboy look is further strengthened by his long, black eyelashes paired with full lips and a smooth, beardless face. A face that's crowned by a flowing sidecut that reaches his shoulders.

"You gonna kill me?" Fergash asks with a hint of worry in his voice.

"No. Get up so I can get a better look at you," you answer and give him your hand.

The orc looks at your hand with contempt, but accepts it and pulls himself up. Fergash is about six feet tall and has a androgynous build; not what you would expect from his brutish kin. He's wearing a leather-vest that's cut off around his shoulder and ending just above his belt. It has a fur lining around its collar and is tied up with loose knots starting from his chest and ending around his waist. Some of the bindings have come apart and you can spot the orcs' smooth, green skin on the other side.

Despite having a healthy bit of chunk, especially around his thighs and ass, you can make out some abs on his soft middle. Pair that with his toned arms; it's clear that Fergas is stronger than the average femboy thanks to his orcish lineage.

Fergash clears his throat, "Look, I'm sorry that I tried to rob you. Can't we just forget about this?"

He tries to slither away, but you block his path, not being done with him quite yet. The girly orc rolls his eyes and sighs. "Ok, whose dick do I need to suck to get out of this?"
So I am guessing he is not a part of Aronas tribe. He seems to be a resident, or at least a bottom feader, of Khorminos prefecture.

Also, another bratty twink/femboy. Well, hat trick and digity damn, why move on of from good ol reliable. Looking forward to it.

PS: Is he packing?
 

MagicGal

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Aug 15, 2023
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Right above the center of your Dreams
Ah, the Femboi dealer is at it again, I could use a quick fix. lol
So I am guessing he is not a part of Aronas tribe. He seems to be a resident, or at least a bottom feader, of Khorminos prefecture.
That'd be neat but realistically not necessary, there are like 500 or more of them, She's not going to know or recognize everyone. And I don't think any other Orc tribes are around that Minoans haven't subjugated and enslaved.
 

Karakara

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Feb 15, 2024
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Oh, I do not expect Arona to confront every single Orc we meet. I am just suprised that we find an Orc inside of Mino caverns considering that only other mention of their Kind inside or near city parameters refers to their raiding parties or Aronas comment about how they are hypocrits for fearing her when she can see bunch of her kind walking down the street in chains.

So I am wondering if he is not some kind of slave Escape or just a citizen not related to Arona. For I do not quite see how he could have gotten past the gate guards since they did quaranteen from the outside since demon invaded.
 

Knife-wielding Crab

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Dec 25, 2017
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Oh, I do not expect Arona to confront every single Orc we meet. I am just suprised that we find an Orc inside of Mino caverns considering that only other mention of their Kind inside or near city parameters refers to their raiding parties or Aronas comment about how they are hypocrits for fearing her when she can see bunch of her kind walking down the street in chains.

So I am wondering if he is not some kind of slave Escape or just a citizen not related to Arona. For I do not quite see how he could have gotten past the gate guards since they did quaranteen from the outside since demon invaded.
There's a bridge in the Foothills bellow the waystone where I plan for him to appear.

Also, some more background:

"How did you end up in the Marches?" you ask.

"What do you think? [arona.isChief|The old chief|the chief] needed a badass archer," Fergash answers with a wide grin while flexing his arms. The slender robber got a pair of impressive, bulging biceps, but they are a mere shadow of what a regular orc would be carrying.

You go with a rhetorical question, "Doesn't a badass need to have good aim?"

The question knocks the grin away from the brat's face and he shrinks a bit. "I might have some practice to do…"

"And would Argoth really reserve a spot on the longship for a mere trainee–"

"Fine!" the flustered orc interrupts, "I needed to get away from that bitch of a mother and stowed away in one of the fish barrels? Happy now?"

You're quite amused picturing the brat sitting in a stinking barrel for weeks. You can't fault him for being dedicated.

"What if the crew found you? Didn't you have a plan?" you ask.

"Of course I had a plan! They discovered me an hour or so after we left shore and almost threw me overboard, but I gave the captain an awesome blowjob. After the crew passed me around a couple of times, they let me stay. Most orcs think with their dicks after all."

That solves that mystery.
 

Ace Hangman

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Sep 16, 2021
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Read through the Elaril sex swing. It seems pretty good. Very few typos. I left some opinions, some suggestions. Just one person's opinions. Others may disagree.
Having said that, my only comment might be to lean more heavily into the sex swing aspect. You managed to get a part in there near the end, but other than tying up, most of it could have been anywhere in a bed or on the ground, so just put a few more lines that take advantage of the uniqueness of the scene and situation.
Other than that, I think his dialogue didn't really mesh with his existing speech and personality quite right (not that he does a lot of talking in the other scenes). It wasn't so far off (his aggression towards Dark Knights was a bit overt, but it wasn't bad, the issue might be the reader being able to know that his sudden aggression is because of it, since they can't see parsers), I think some of his words could be a bit slurred or notes about his drunken or inebriated state (they were partying before the fight) could have been slipped in a bit, but that's all minutia and just my OCD telling me to mention it.
 
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