Even more hair, also lenses & Scrubs maybe. About to submit [Submitted]

[leomax]

Hey , its me again. Ready to submit hair again. But also eye and hair color items.

Even More Hair , also maybe lens colors/hair dye

docs.google.com

here's the link the google doc, haven't submitted yet will soon. Just wanted a second opinion before i send it, in case i wrote something funky.

 

[MellowNumel]

Looks cool, i really like the eye options!

 

[teawolf]

These are really fun... I noted some places where the language was hard to follow, or the punctuation needed cleaning up. Thanks!

 

[leomax]

These are really fun... I noted some places where the language was hard to follow, or the punctuation needed cleaning up. Thanks!

Thanks for the comments helping a lot

Please take another look if you can

 

[teawolf]

Gave it another look! This time I pulled up the in-game options, so most of my comments are based on those as examples. In general, the ones in-game are a sentence long, maybe two, so particularly look at how you can simplify your descriptions! There are a couple of in-game styles that I think you can use as base text, probably! Hope it's helpful. Thanks again!

 

[leomax]

Gave it another look! This time I pulled up the in-game options, so most of my comments are based on those as examples. In general, the ones in-game are a sentence long, maybe two, so particularly look at how you can simplify your descriptions! There are a couple of in-game styles that I think you can use as base text, probably! Hope it's helpful. Thanks again!

I've changed some things, maybe you can look at it again. You words were a help. I've written some hair before. I know the halo one is a bit long , but I've pushed the description a little long before and I think its cool enough of a concept to try. I did shorten it a bit though to be more understandable and to leave aspects of it to the imagination of the player. Hopefully its a better read

 

[teawolf]

Oh cool! And yeah, these look good to me!!! I gave an example, but I think the one remaining issue in the halo one is that the subjects repeat, so it's hard to keep things in order, if that makes sense. I gave it a shot but feel free not to use!

 

[leomax]

Oh cool! And yeah, these look good to me!!! I gave an example, but I think the one remaining issue in the halo one is that the subjects repeat, so it's hard to keep things in order, if that makes sense. I gave it a shot but feel free not to use!

I took your advice and shorted it a bit more. You helped a lot, thank you.

 

[teawolf]

Thank you again! These are sincerely very cool.

 

[Popopuli]

oh I love the hair variety and eye colors! Esp the flavor of halo and flowing hair.