Your funniest puns/jokes.

[ThatOneJester]

I really want to hear witty, and hilarious puns.
That's actually the only reason I put up this topic...
I've heard so many horrible puns that made me cringe from my family when they were visiting, that I need healing.
So funny it must be. <3

 

[Chiyosuke]

People say suicide isn't funny; but from my experience it always Kills.

 

[Woider]

PMS jokes are never funny; period.

 

[A Random Guy]

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

 

[Noob Salad]

I got a quote for you guys.

"Now I'm in charge of the slut book, so I watch over all the sluts." - Bangable Girl (Hentai)

 

[XBoxMaster131]

*imagine saying this to one of those douchey hipsters*
You're like the sun; you try to be bright, but you're just hard to look at.

 

[Vio]

Not sure if racist jokes are allowed, but if they are:

Spoiler: Warning: raysizum

What's white on top and black on the bottom?
Society

If they aren't (please don't ban me):
A guy goes for an eye appointment at his optician.

Optician: I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating.
Guy: Why? Is it making my eyes weaker?
Optician: No - it's upsetting all my other patients!

 

[JimboJizzim]

Have you ever done something illegal and got away with it?

Lemme tell my story:

You know how there's those bowls of candy on Halloween that says take one? Well, I fucked a dead moose.

 

[lighterfluid]

Small babies are delivered by the stork, but for larger ones you need a crane.

 

[Zavos]

A human, a elf and an orc walk into a bar.
Their dwarf friend walks under the bar.

 

[Eyero]

Got a few golden boys to share with you all. BEHOLD!

"My ex used to call my penis a Weapon Of Mass Destruction. I was flattered at first; that is, before she told me it was really hard to find."

"What do politicians use as contraceptives? Their personalities."

"How does every racist joke start? By looking over your shoulder."

"A Yorkshire farmer grew the world's first crop of organic dildoes last week. Unfortunately, he's apparently had a lot of trouble with squatters since then."

"Vertigo fetishists; the bigger the fall, the harder they cum."

Hope you like 'em.

 

[Woider]

3 Majors each ask a question.

The Physics Major asks: "Why does this work?"

The Engineering Major asks: "How does this work?"

The Philosophy Major asks: "Do you want fries with that?"

 

[RanmaChan]

"My ex wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER."

Spoiler: I stole this joke obviously.

 

[Linastewards]

These are my funniest puns so far:
The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

 

[lilbrewdog]

According to my family and friends, I have never told a funny joke in my life.
But that doesn't stop me from trying.