[WIP] Tessa, The White Woman.

[Fr0sty]

Hello there!

New guy, here. Well been a lurker and a player for years, so can I really say I'm new? Anyways, for almost as long as I've been lurkin', I've been trying to think up ways to contribute. I've had a number of ideas over the years, but always come to my senses and realize they're butts. Now, this obviously isn't the place for an intro post, so lets get to the good stuff.

Tessa: https://docs.google.com/document/d/185ovAiyXma1heQXP5EWmOg4_AJS-VSJK3Xx59T7AKXQ/edit?usp=sharing

Okay. I know. I KNOW. I shouldn't have worked on so much (and a new NPC no less...) without consulting and or talking to people first, and I suspect this will likely end up in a reject pile at some point. But I had two days off work so I figured what the hell and drafted this up. Obviously, it's VERY incomplete, and I'm posting it here in the idea section to help mold it and learn how to improve on it. And like I said, I did all this in less than two days, so if its all crap it's only maybe 20 hours gone and not two months. Plus it was fun to do so, time well spent?

Seriously, any feedback at all would be great. Can't wait to hear some.

Big Update: Added the rest I wanted to include for her. If it seems incomplete that's because if it works out/gets accepted I have some inklings about possible future directions for her. But for now this is it!

 

[Kesil]

"Tessa is a complex person, with a dark side and some troubled story."

"She starts off as a selfish lover, with her first scenes being very hands off and a bit on the sadistic side. Her later scenes are more intimate, with her need for acceptance and belonging playing a key roles in those scenes."

That and the planned system makes me wonder if you should start with something simple. That, or I am a tad biased at the prospect of Female With Issues (Hard at First, Soft Later On) #450895765785 (one that bits her lip at least once).
Also, I don't like it when Steele puts words in my mouth, but perhaps that's just me.

 

[Fr0sty]

"Tessa is a complex person, with a dark side and some troubled story."

"She starts off as a selfish lover, with her first scenes being very hands off and a bit on the sadistic side. Her later scenes are more intimate, with her need for acceptance and belonging playing a key roles in those scenes."

That and the planned system makes me wonder if you should start with something simple. That, or I am a tad biased at the prospect of Female With Issues (Hard at First, Soft Later On) #450895765785 (one that bits her lip at least once).
Also, I don't like it when Steele puts words in my mouth, but perhaps that's just me.

Well, you're not wrong there. I do feel in this current form she is a bit cliche, but to be fair so is pretty much every other character to some degree. Almost every character in TiTs falls into some sort of archetype, I mean just how much waifu bait and lustful dickgirls does this game have after all? I'm going to take another look through it at some point, and maybe retool some ideas, especially at stuff I haven't written yet.

I'm also curious as to which particular words Steele says you take issue with. I've always accepted that it's a bit of a necessary evil to have my character say things I may or may not 100% agree with, so I tried to keep Steele's dialogue to a minimum for that reason. If you could point out a few troublesome one I'd be super grateful.

 

[Kesil]

Almost every character in TiTs falls into some sort of archetype, I mean just how much waifu bait and lustful dickgirls does this game have after all?

You don't have to follow trends just because x is aplenty. Unless you feel you have something to say concerning x, of course. For example, I think yours would be the first female ovir in the game (Brandt doesn't count due to her hybrid nature).

I'm also curious as to which particular words Steele says you take issue with.

All of them. I don't like it when Steele talks directly or when s/he goes past that "You nod at what x says." Again, that's just my opinion, and I do understand where you're coming from.

If you could point out a few troublesome one I'd be super grateful.

I've only skimmed through the text, so I will next time I can read the whole thing

 

[Fr0sty]

I've only skimmed through the text, so I will next time I can read the whole thing

Well whenever you can spare your time I'm eager to here some thoughts.

 

[Darkpheonix]

I like her

 

[Fr0sty]

I like her

What do you like about her?

 

[Darkpheonix]

That you have to work for her to open up, that she's more than what she appears to be. She's just interesting, can't wait to see more.

 

[HeavyMetalLoser]

I've always wanted more Ovir NPCs, you've already won me over on that front. I like my thicc scalie girls.

 

[HeavyMetalLoser]

Wait, I just realized that's she's technically a reverse trap.

 

[NotYouNorI]

By her species' standards at least.

 

[Fr0sty]

Wait, I just realized that's she's technically a reverse trap.

How do you figure that? lol

 

[Darkpheonix]

For ovir she appears as a male when she is in fact a female

 

[Fr0sty]

Huh. Happy accidents. Lol

 

[Dolphi]

The concept is pretty good and so is the writing as far as i can tell.

Theres one small issue that immediately pops up for me. Same idea as @Kesil. I think most scenes in the game where the PC talks is less:

"Hi there! My name's (PC.name), (PC.name) stee-" Abruptly, she interrupts

And more:

Just as you begin to introduce yourself, the woman scoffs at you and begins to speak. "Would you mind just walking away?"

The PC dialogue is often left delibrately vague for the player to fill in the blanks her/himself.

People have different interpretations of scenes, so a sentence like "You introduce yourself" could be "Hi! My name's [PC.name] steele whats yours?" to one person, and "The names [PC.name], [PC.name] Steele, how bout you?" to another.

Other than that, i have to say im excited to see this and any other content you might decide to author.

 

[Dolphi]

I have to say though, do Ovir posses extremely sturdy livers or should Tessa have transplanted livers/ livers so damaged they no longer exist? She had to use Beer as a replacement for water for a few MONTHS especially with her being a child at the time of the replacement.

I like her character. I really do. I might be biased since i find myself really liking characterization and affectionate moments but i find myself feeling more and more impressed the longer i read, especially if this is your first time contributing. Although it gets a bit sloppy by the end, i'd say im eagerly waiting for more.

 

[Fr0sty]

I have to say though, do Ovir posses extremely sturdy livers or should Tessa have transplanted livers/ livers so damaged they no longer exist? She had to use Beer as a replacement for water for a few MONTHS especially with her being a child at the time of the replacement.

I like her character. I really do. I might be biased since i find myself really liking characterization and affectionate moments but i find myself feeling more and more impressed the longer i read, especially if this is your first time contributing. Although it gets a bit sloppy by the end, i'd say im eagerly waiting for more.

The ovir codex entry was a bit bare bones compared to some of the others, so I had a few gaps to fill in. Fun fact, throughout history most people didn't drink water, but drank really shitty forms of alcohol. This was because they had no way to clean water, and people would get sick as shit from drinking it because so much crap lived in it. Alcohol on the other hand was sterile and therefore safe to drink, so most people did in fact drink beer instead of water. (That's a $50,000 BA in History fact for ya )

I find contributors approach how much or how little Steele says radically different. To be honest I feel like I'm pretty conversation compared to the amount of words some writers put into my mouth. But maybe that's just me.

I've actually written a shit ton more since this post in a separate Doc that I plan to copy merge with this one. I just want it to be "done" before hand, and I havent had much time to work on it, but I'm off tomorrow so I might be able to work on it and maybe get it up

 

[Dolphi]

The ovir codex entry was a bit bare bones compared to some of the others, so I had a few gaps to fill in. Fun fact, throughout history most people didn't drink water, but drank really shitty forms of alcohol. This was because they had no way to clean water, and people would get sick as shit from drinking it because so much crap lived in it. Alcohol on the other hand was sterile and therefore safe to drink, so most people did in fact drink beer instead of water. (That's a $50,000 BA in History fact for ya )

I find contributors approach how much or how little Steele says radically different. To be honest I feel like I'm pretty conversation compared to the amount of words some writers put into my mouth. But maybe that's just me.

I've actually written a shit ton more since this post in a separate Doc that I plan to copy merge with this one. I just want it to be "done" before hand, and I havent had much time to work on it, but I'm off tomorrow so I might be able to work on it and maybe get it up

Wow the more you learn i guess. People back then did have shorter lifespans didn't they?. In fact, would damaged livers even be noticed? I reckon most people died before the long term effects started showing. Still, thats pretty fascinating.

Good luck on your writing! I really am looking forward to this, so thank you for doing this!

 

[Fr0sty]

Massive update to the doc.

 

[HeavyMetalLoser]

Looking pretty dang good so far. The fact that she took estrobloom at a young age may also be why she has a more "womanly" than normal figure for a female ovir.

Also, shouldn't this be moved to Event Submissions, or do you have to wait until it's actually finished?

 

[Fr0sty]

Looking pretty dang good so far. The fact that she took estrobloom at a young age may also be why she has a more "womanly" than normal figure for a female ovir.

Also, shouldn't this be moved to Event Submissions, or do you have to wait until it's actually finished?

I do plan on moving it over after I sort of let it breath a bit in my mind, I've been looking at it to damn long at this point and I need to not think about it for a bit and relook at it.

 

[Dolphi]

Massive update to the doc.

Wow thats a pretty big update.

Everything looks great, and i think the new scenes are pretty fun.

The only issue i have is that some of the sentences feel a bit wonky.

Other than that, great job on this!