[WIP] Honey the Trap Waitress

[Owens]

Hallo All. This is my first character submission for TiTs: Honey the Trap Waitress. Originally, she was being written by Alkahest, but I've taken her over and made her my own thing. Props to him for the first draft.


I've been working on Honey for a while now, as my Are there any plans for Honey thread can attest to. A lot of the delay I had uploading this is that I personally felt the writing was not good enough. Unfortunately, this has led to large amounts of work being deleted as I try and fix things that I don't know if they're broken or not. So I'd like to let other people look it over and give me their feedback as I plug away at it, and maybe she'll actually get finished.


Um, fetishes she caters to, I guess. As the name suggests, she is a trap. She also has honey cum. And she does strip shows for the bar of degenerates that we love. Beyond that, some Cock and Ball worship stuff (both her and PC), she'll support Boobswell Pads if you want to make her girly-er, and Anusoft for butt stuff. She also has Nuki Nuts, so her balls swell, hence the cock and ball worship.


And I hope you like her! Or at the very least, point out everything that's wrong so I can fix it. That works to.

 

[Noob Salad]

Why didn't @Nik_van_Rijn put any art in this doc for you?

 

[Nik_van_Rijn]

Is there any art?

It's on the first page of the idea thread. Come one, Captain. Are you feeling under the weather or something?

 

[Krynh]

It's on the first page of the idea doc. Come one, Captain. Are you feeling under the weather or something?

There's Art?

 

[Nik_van_Rijn]

There's Art?

 

[Krynh]

Ohh. I thought you meant on the document, thanks Nik.

 

[Noob Salad]

See!

 

[Ormael]

Go go Owen make this bun been put in a owen asap. Ohh ok that was unintended pun on you. Still I hope it will get fast to be review'd (and then accepted by the big boss of all bosses of TiTS ^^)

 

[eveoflife]

A trap that took nuki butter? I'm gonna have fun teasing this one into blue balls.

 

[Owens]

Woah! Thanks for the feedback. I'll try to post an update on what I've changed in the doc any time there's a major addition. As such, I've churned out Burt's section of Honey's gossip option, though it needs to be cleaned up a little. I'll also try to push out some more Gossip stuff when I get some more free time later today.


On the subject of pictures, do people want them in the doc? Right now, they're just on the other thread, which I've linked in the original post.


Beyond that, anything that people think I should add to make the document easier to read/lore things I fucked up on/shitposting I mean, forum discussion would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Owens]

Not dead. Just been unmotivated to write anything for Honey. I'll poke at something in her Docs later today, as its been almost a week.

Update: Poked at the gossip scenes some more. Added The first -half? I'm going to go with half- of Three-Dee's gossip option. Accepted some wording changes suggested by people in the Doc.

 

[shadefalcon]

I'd just like to say that I find her really cute and would love to see more and see her implemented in the game

 

[NotYouNorI]

Not dead. Just been unmotivated to write anything for Honey. I'll poke at something in her Docs later today, as its been almost a week.

That's alright. Just don't burn yourself out on this, please.

 

[Owens]

That's alright. Just don't burn yourself out on this, please.

I'm not too worried about burnout. I'm more concerned about the quality of what I'm writing. Can't shake the niggling sensation that its not up to snuff, compared to other stuff written for TiTs, mainly due to my own inexperience writing in this fashion. That's mostly me being pessimistic though. I'll keep chipping away at it, and she'll get done eventually.

I'd just like to say that I find her really cute and would love to see more and see her implemented in the game

Glad you like her! Having Honey come off as cute was intentional, relived that it worked out. I can imagine trying to fix that at this stage...

I'm either going to keep tackling the gossip talk option, or try and write out her repeat strip scene. Only issue there is creating generic NPC patrons since the bar is pretty vacant, and I don't feel comfortable writing anything that's even tentatively touching on Kelly or Syri. Oh well, back to the word mines.

 

[NotYouNorI]

I'm not too worried about burnout. I'm more concerned about the quality of what I'm writing. Can't shake the niggling sensation that its not up to snuff, compared to other stuff written for TiTs, mainly due to my own inexperience writing in this fashion. That's mostly me being pessimistic though. I'll keep chipping away at it, and she'll get done eventually.

That's good to know.

I'm either going to keep tackling the gossip talk option, or try and write out her repeat strip scene. Only issue there is creating generic NPC patrons since the bar is pretty vacant, and I don't feel comfortable writing anything that's even tentatively touching on Kelly or Syri. Oh well, back to the word mines.

As far as I can tell, your writing seems good enough to do Syri or Kelly justice. Though, since Syri is planed to move to Uveto after the long-awaited SyriQuest It might complicate things. Either way, asking Savin wouldn't hurt.
And for other patron NPCs you could reuse the two Zil patrons that I've mentioned in the other thread.

 

[EmperorG]

I'm not too worried about burnout. I'm more concerned about the quality of what I'm writing. Can't shake the niggling sensation that its not up to snuff, compared to other stuff written for TiTs, mainly due to my own inexperience writing in this fashion. That's mostly me being pessimistic though. I'll keep chipping away at it, and she'll get done eventually.

Well I just read through the whole doc and I must say I love Honey already, you did a great job and this definitly fits the tone of TiTs just fine. Love what you've done and can't wait for more!

 

[Owens]

Hallo all. Just wanted to chime in and say that I am not dead, just been incredibly busy. As such, I haven't had much time to work on Honey's doc, but I finally sat down and did some writing.

Since the last time I posted, I've retooled quite a bit of Three-Dee's gossip option, since its more than a small sex scene. I might split it off, add it to another doc I have with other ideas for Burt's bar. Nothing fancy, just some notes I've been keeping. Don't want to scrap the encounter, but it doesn't fit with the rest of the gossip tone very well.

Additionally, I stripped down some of the repeat sex scene. Gonna fiddle with how its set up, since right now the flat chested scenes are lost if you have Honey grow boobs, and boobs can only be grown once you've maxed her affection. Still, I pushed out one of the repeat options, its the panty masturbation one that was half written. It ends with you and her cuddling after you clean her up and put her in sleep clothes. The other option isnt finished yet, and ends up being much more... messy.

Speaking of affection, the confession scene I wrote is bugging the heck out of me. I want to scrap it, and simply retool Alkahest's version, but I'm loathe to delete that much just cause of a feeling. If anyone else has some suggestions for it, I'm all ears.

Beyond that, I'll try and not disappear for two weeks again. Honey's not dead, I'll post some more stuff when I wake up.

As far as I can tell, your writing seems good enough to do Syri or Kelly justice. Though, since Syri is planed to move to Uveto after the long-awaited SyriQuest It might complicate things. Either way, asking Savin wouldn't hurt.
And for other patron NPCs you could reuse the two Zil patrons that I've mentioned in the other thread.

I do find it ironic that I vanished immediately after assuring everyone I wouldn't up and vanish. Thanks for the suggestions Nori, and I'll bug Savin once I've finished more of Honey's core content. I can always push the gossip option back into another document if it has to many issues.

Well I just read through the whole doc and I must say I love Honey already, you did a great job and this definitly fits the tone of TiTs just fine. Love what you've done and can't wait for more!

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad you like what I've written so far, I'll try and not disappoint with anything I add.

 

[NotYouNorI]

-snip-

Thanks for informing us aside, on the topic of cutting content, I'd agree that you could separate the Three Dee goes wild encounter as it's own thing. it seems too much, especially since it can occur every time you ask Honey on gossip. Maybe have the gossip scene have a low chance of triggering it in addition for it to be triggered randomly upon entering the bar or something.

I'd also suggest to leave the "BurtQuest" for an later expansion.

I haven't checked the confession scene yet so I don't have anything to say about it. Though, so far no one said anything bad about it...

 

[Owens]

Thanks for informing us aside, on the topic of cutting content, I'd agree that you could separate the Three Dee goes wild encounter as it's own thing. it seems too much, especially since it can occur every time you ask Honey on gossip. Maybe have the gossip scene have a low chance of triggering it in addition for it to be triggered randomly upon entering the bar or something.

I'd also suggest to leave the "BurtQuest" for an later expansion.

I haven't checked the confession scene yet so I don't have anything to say about it. Though, so far no one said anything bad about it...

Advice taken. I have jettisoned Three-Dee's event into its own separate doc. Nothings gonna happen with it for now, since I don't think anyone is working on content regarding Three-Dee, and there's nothing in game for me to tailor it to. It shall remain adrift.

Burt Quest is something I have to write, since its how to get into Honey's talk menu if you shoot her down after the first strip show. Its not gonna be anything fancy, probably get a mango from the forest so he can make a smoothie or something. Then you and Honey have Mango Smoothies and become fuck buddies. HOORAY! ...That is extremely streamlined, but I think it works.

As I said, the confession just bugs me. Its probably a wording thing. And you're right, no ones said anything bad about it, which is good! It means I can ignore it for now, since it's not high on my re-work list (The strip show and gossip are at the top), but its something that irks me nonetheless.

 

[Owens]

Smallish update. I overhauled the repeat strip scene completely. Now, instead of being a convoluted mess of nested options, there are now two intro paragraphs (boobs, no boobs), and seven sex scenes. Two have no requirements, the other five all depend on Honey's breast size, whether or not she's at 100% affection, and on the player's tail genital type. Should be much clearer to work with. I also finished the messy option for the panty masturbation, where instead of sleepy cuddles, you get throat fucked by swollen 'nuki nuts. So that's a thing. If it feels to out of character to anyone, I can soften it a bit since its a little more dominant than what I've written for Honey's other sexy stuff. Otherwise, I'll probably complete another repeat strip scene or tackle Syri's gossip option next.

 

[Thayr]

Uh...I looked at it. Saw the page count, closed it.

For all sakes, this looks great. Just...great. Props to you and keep sticking to it.

 

[Owens]

Uh...I looked at it. Saw the page count, closed it.

For all sakes, this looks great. Just...great. Props to you and keep sticking to it.

I don't blame you. Thanks for the encouragement, and I shall keep working on it. Here's to hoping I can finish her.

 

[Alexa]

Holy moly. Finish this pls. It would be a waste not to.

 

[NotYouNorI]

I don't blame you. Thanks for the encouragement, and I shall keep working on it. Here's to hoping I can finish her.

Holy moly. Finish this pls. It would be a waste not to.

Just, no pressure.

 

[Ormael]

I hope we would enjoy new stuff for Honey ingame in 2017 ^^

That's enought time to finish it, right Owens?

 

[NotYouNorI]

I hope we would enjoy new stuff for Honey ingame in 2017 ^^

That's enought time to finish it, right Owens?

Now, what did I say about "no pressure"?

 

[Alexa]

Just, no pressure.

*encouragement

 

[Owens]

Holy moly. Finish this pls. It would be a waste not to.

Just, no pressure.

I hope we would enjoy new stuff for Honey ingame in 2017 ^^

That's enought time to finish it, right Owens?

I mean, the Doc's already pushing 70 pages. There can't be much more I have to add. *Looks at list of incomplete sections* ... Eh, its smaller than it was a week ago. No pressure at all.

In all seriousness, I hope to finish her soon. Just cant keep typing when tired, though. Found that I had used [pc.outerGarments] like, 7 or 8 times in my recent sections, only to realize that parser doesn't exist. It's supposed to be [pc.armor]. Spent today fixing it and some sentence structure missteps in the scenes containing said tags.

Hi ho, hi ho, its off to the Doc's I go...

 

[NotYouNorI]

Hi ho, hi ho, its off to the Doc's I go...

It's called "the Smut-mines" for a reason

 

[Owens]

Progress report: I have finished off the first option for the repeatable strip scene. In addition to cuddles or revenge blowjob, there is now a deny option that forces Honey to max denial. I also wrote the first... 2/3rds? of the next option, which is giving her a blowjob, and getting splattered or drinking it. I'll finish out the other third later tonight, the drink option, and I might be up for writing something else that's small. I've been eyeing the unfinished talk options...