[Finished/Editors welcome] Alley the "Good Touch"

Durt Dandy

Member
Jan 9, 2017
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Rwh11pOQfOfzNI2UB-fqrfgkqSktwl_Vc3tL3ikkKmE/edit?usp=sharing

Been wanting to start this one for awhile now, the title explain the most of it.

I've taken all reply into consideration and I say Thank you, I know I'm still new to this and it helps.
Now with the explanation, I got the idea from a Korean web comic called "Sweet guy" (nsfw), it shares the same concept but I try to make it a little different. The character, Alley, doesn't have a gender at the moment, Alley was a guy in the beginning but do to character reason had it removed along with other things.

8/30: Pretty much done with this part, I plan on expanding more depending on how far this goes.
8/24: Getting close to being done with Alleys background, at least with I would like.
8/10: Done with the other "levels" finally started on Alley's past, at least through his perspective. I plan on adding more to the third level involving npc. Like when somebody touches the pc or something.
8/3: "Level 1" Finished and the next levels should share the same concept but with increasing after affects, and maybe interaction with other npc.
7/29: The second half of the first encounter is done, at least with what I like so far. Anything after this point should be repeated stuff. I plan on doing something like a tolerance game, where you try and think up of some distracting things like math or something. I also plan on explaining more to Alley's backstory if I can find a interesting way of putting it in.
7/22: At this point I got about half of what i like done, again depending on how far this things goes.
 
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Lkynmbr24

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Creator
Oct 30, 2016
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Mmm... to be quite honest, there's very little written down for this to really be "Event Submissions" topic-worthy. Probably more suited for the Ideas forum for now until more's written down.

Also, I'm a bit lost without proper context of what this NPC is or will be about. Are they psionic? Modded? Human-looking, but with alien properties? Pure human? What fetishes are we getting into if this NPC is sexable? What's his personality like? Origin? Did he come into contact with too much savicite? Are they female? Male?

Might need quite a bit more basic info on this "human" to get people to bite on this! They're very much a mystery by face value of what's written down so far. "What did you have fleshed out for them so far, and the idea behind him, other than making others gasm when simply touching them." I guess is the gist of what I'm trying to ask, lol
 
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Durt Dandy

Member
Jan 9, 2017
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Mmm... to be quite honest, there's very little written down for this to really be "Event Submissions" topic-worthy. Probably more suited for the Ideas forum for now until more's written down.

Also, I'm a bit lost without proper context of what this NPC is or will be about. Are they psionic? Modded? Human-looking, but with alien properties? Pure human? What fetishes are we getting into if this NPC is sexable? What's his personality like? Origin? Did he come into contact with too much savicite? Are they female? Male?

Might need quite a bit more basic info on this "human" to get people to bite on this! They're very much a mystery by face value of what's written down so far. "What did you have fleshed out for them so far, and the idea behind him, other than making others gasm when simply touching them." I guess is the gist of what I'm trying to ask, lol
Honestly I put on this thread as a form of motivation and I do have a plan, just need to put it down. And the reason for the vague description for the gender because "it" doesn't have one.
 

Emerald

Well-Known Member
Jun 8, 2016
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Wouldn't this be better in the ideas thread then?

Because comparing this to every other submission posted in the Event Submissions board, there's not much to go off of.. at all. You don't tell us what the character is in the OP, what fetishes they will cater to, their gender/sex, there's no outline in the actual doc, we don't know where you're going with this.. whatever it is at all. We need to know what you're planning.

This isn't enough to be considered an 'Event Submission' imo because you give us absolutely nothing to give feedback on, both in the doc AND the thread topic. We have to know exactly what we're getting into, hell the DEVS have to know what they're getting into. You don't just say "Look at this, the title should explain it" because it doesn't. Nobody here that shows a submission doc for feedback does that. We need details, and you didn't give us any.

This is better suited for the Ideas board until you have written enough to consider this a proper Event Submission. Because as it is now it's too little to even call it that. >.>
 
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GothPastel

Scientist
Creator
Jan 6, 2017
381
286
Where the crows are.
Yeah, I've had a look at this and the others are right.
This needs at least an explanation page, needs to be much better organised and quite frankly I don't think I'd be able to touch this with a barge pole, let alone try editing the grammar any more than I already have.

I know I probably sound a little harsh, but this just... isn't quite up to scratch. Maybe come back with this once you've got more done, written your plan out, et cetera.
 

XBoxMaster131

Well-Known Member
Oct 18, 2016
4,580
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They put this here as motivation...

And I'm pretty sure we just killed what they previously had.
 

Klaptrap

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Aug 27, 2015
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If this is enough to kill his motivation, it was never going to get finished anyway.
 

Lkynmbr24

Well-Known Member
Creator
Oct 30, 2016
832
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They put this here as motivation...

And I'm pretty sure we just killed what they previously had.
I don't believe we were saying what we said with ill-intent or trying to shut down the OPs idea. There was just very little to go on with what was initially provided so far, especially with it being on the Event Submissions forum where people bring ideas that are more or less fully fleshed out and have a decent amount written down already. All this just needs is a forum move while the OP develops the basic idea behind the character.

By all means, it would be nice to see someone finish a project if they have the gusto for it, and I encourage it! :) As Emerald said though, its a wee bit hard to give feedback on what's written so far, but its nice to have someone with an idea, furthermore the resolve to finish it (hopefully!)
 
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