I was suggesting using taint less because I thought she's be able to read taint right up, and more because having high taint is evidence you've fucked around with some weird shit, and therefore presumably would have other marks. I figured that wouldn't be too immersion-breaking, and that changing race would be the other primary factor of messing around with mods, but due to how easily that happens, that maybe that should just trigger a conversation, rather than the lockout. Do you get where I was coming from now? Also it seemed a billion times easier than tracking anything else.
[Accepted] Evening Everly: human, mercenary, feels some way about mods
- Thread starter Aceinthehole
- Start date
Okay, that actually makes a lot of sense to me and addresses the problems that were making me hesitate. I think I'll take your advice and go with a Taint-based rejection threshold instead. Thanks for making me come around to this.
In other news, I've written up the 'show gun' section. If you've talked to her enough and are equipped with a 'special' item, so anything that can't normally be bought in a store, you can show it to her and she'll give you a few comments! It doesn't have any deep conversation or anything to do with mods. They're just for fun. I had an unexpected blast writing these. Feel free to mention any other guns I missed, or otherwise have an interesting backstory. (Bear in mind I didn't do any of the bows since she wouldn't know about them. Pistols and rifles only rip)
I'm really glad you agree with my ideas! And not just because I love being agreed with, I think it's legitimately the best route forward. Anyway, I think if feedback says that doesn't feel sensitive enough as a metric, and that she's accepting people she logically wouldn't, she still wouldn't want to accept high-taint people, so you're no further behind than you would be at first, and can add to the existing system.
TheShepard256
Well-Known Member
In regards to the weapons currently mentioned:
- The Aegis Light Machinegun can also be obtained from Schora by beating her in combat during SyriQuest. However, there's no way to track how that encounter went down, so the only way we could tell if Steele actually did get one from her is if either a) KaraQuest2 isn't completed, or b) Steele has a second ALM in their inventory/storage. Steele can also choose to leave the ALM during KaraQuest2, which is also not tracked. You might also want to specify that Steele got it from a Black Void Juggernaut in the initial sentence, since other groups could also have something or someone called a Juggernaut, in which case Evening making the logic leap to 'Black Void Juggernaut specifically' doesn't make sense.
- Steele can actually leave Kiro's ship after obtaining the Custom LP-17 without even meeting Kiro. It's not something most people do, but it's possible.
- How has she heard of Bell-Isle/Grunmann? There's very little record of them on the extranet, and if Tarkus gets blown up (which actually can happen during the Ghost Deck mission, cutting it short), Anno and Steele are probably the only two people in the galaxy who know much about them. The rest of it's fine, I'm just confused as to how she'd know something that Anno has a better reason to know but doesn't.
This is the part where I admit in shame that I had to look at the wiki for most of these, so I'm not surprised to hear I missed anything. The ALMG entry just mentions the Juggernaut. If you can get two of them, they're not strictly unique- I might take that entry out entirely since to be honest I couldn't think of anything interesting to say about it. I also didn't know you could just abandon Kiro (which sounds hilarious but I've never done it because it'd be a dick move) or that Bell-Isla/Grunmann was that obscure. I'll change those entries accordingly.
I wrote the 'Family' dialogue option today. To be honest, I'm not totally satisfied with how it turned out... maybe it'll read better when I go back and add more variations based on personality. I could use some constructive feedback if anyone has any.
Tomorrow, I'm either going to write another story for her to tell you while drinking or start on her sex scenes. Both sound equally hard so I don't know how it's going to turn out. Wish me luck hahahahahahahahahaha
Tomorrow, I'm either going to write another story for her to tell you while drinking or start on her sex scenes. Both sound equally hard so I don't know how it's going to turn out. Wish me luck hahahahahahahahahaha
Would you like me to fix the italicizing on the document for you? If you send me a copy I'll correct it and send it back. (It's not like I have anything else to do while I'm stuck inside all day.)
Nah, knowing my muscle memory I'll probably end up repeating that mistake at least a few more times by the time I finish writing the rough draft. It's probably best to leave it until everything is finished and fix it later.
Speaking of writing, I wrote up your suggested story about the musician impersonator! It really inspired me so I had a lot of fun. Hope you like it.
Speaking of writing, I wrote up your suggested story about the musician impersonator! It really inspired me so I had a lot of fun. Hope you like it.
Don't worry, it's surprisingly easy to get into the habit of "<i>writing all your dialogue like this</i>" once you start doing it.
I actually really like the story you wrote. My imagined version of the story just had a generic "shallow celebrity Ausar pop star with lots of branded corporate merchandise", but I like you "suula death-metal singer with a religious cult following" way better. Especially since it fits with the suula having entrancing "siren-like" voices and with suula culture associating singing with religious experiences.
The ending is a bit lacking though. Plus it's too much like the abrupt ending to your first story, it would be funnier if the other stories all had longer endings to contrast that story just suddenly ending with "and then I shot him".
I figure Evening would probably know what happened to Sherry since "trial of deranged and disfigured fangirl who attempted celebrity murder" is definitely something that celebrity gossip tabloids and news channels would cover, and I doubt even a court appointed lawyer would have much trouble getting a "not guilty by insanity" verdict for her from a jury, so she's probably in an asylum or some kind of corporate sponsored experimental genetic rehabilitation program to try and get the mods out of her and un-fuck her DNA. After all, she's not exactly in any condition to work off her debts, not even as something like a prostitute. I doubt even someone like Bethany carver would be willing to buy her debt contract considering her uncanny appearance and the fact that she probably can't even fix it by just stuffing her full of beauty mods like she usually does, not without risking Sherry just dissolving into a puddle of goo or straight up dying from like, ten kinds of cancer.
I always figured the U.G.C. has to have some kind of system in place to deal with all the people who basically end up physically and mentally disabled by stuff like Dumbfuck, tentatool, and Clear Yu, or even just from using a defective mod or having some kind of unexpected negative reaction to the mod because of an un-diagnosed genetic defect or something.
So you could just have Evening say she was still in treatment the last time she heard, I figure too that if she's looking for her mom then she probably keeps tabs on people going into rehab or asylums for mod abuse or addiction, just in case, or if you wanted a happier ending you could have Evening tell Steele about how, years later, she heard Sherry actually managed to get released and now she works for the U.G.C. or one of the mega-corps doing PSAs on the dangers of mod abuse or working for some kind of "Mod Addiction Anonymous" group.
If you pick something like the latter option maybe you could even work Sherry into the story. Like, say that after she got out Sherry contacted Evening to thank her for stopping her from killing her idol, the two of them become friends, and Sherry offers to keep an eye out for Evening's mom or for any word from other mod addicts that might have run into her, and she's the one who eventually tips off Evening about where to find her mother at the start of her quest.
You're right, I definitely wanted to revamp the ending a bit. I expanded on it in a way that left the outlook for Sherry a little uncertain. I think it's more fun sometimes when you don't have a definitive happy ending 
I've also written the first sex scene (it's 3000+ words! Holy shit I haven't even added the variations yet), which isn't perfect but will do for a rough draft. It's her longest option by far. I can't believe some other characters' scenes are even double that length. I'm gonna be like
when the time comes to edit it.
Also, I drew a rough sketch of Evening!
Please excuse the derpy face. I couldn't get it quite right but otherwise I'm rather satisfied with how I got her image across.
I've also written the first sex scene (it's 3000+ words! Holy shit I haven't even added the variations yet), which isn't perfect but will do for a rough draft. It's her longest option by far. I can't believe some other characters' scenes are even double that length. I'm gonna be like
when the time comes to edit it.Also, I drew a rough sketch of Evening!
Please excuse the derpy face. I couldn't get it quite right but otherwise I'm rather satisfied with how I got her image across.
I think it's a nice picture! I like her look. I don't like reading design docs because of the formatting but I'm looking forward to her being added, seems like you're thinking enough about her and producing enough quality stuff she probably will be.You're right, I definitely wanted to revamp the ending a bit. I expanded on it in a way that left the outlook for Sherry a little uncertain. I think it's more fun sometimes when you don't have a definitive happy ending
I've also written the first sex scene (it's 3000+ words! Holy shit I haven't even added the variations yet), which isn't perfect but will do for a rough draft. It's her longest option by far. I can't believe some other characters' scenes are even double that length. I'm gonna be like
Also, I drew a rough sketch of Evening!
Please excuse the derpy face. I couldn't get it quite right but otherwise I'm rather satisfied with how I got her image across.
Original SAC or 2045? I actually took inspiration from a bunch of different series including SAC, Cyberpunk 2077, Kekkai Sensen, and that one time League of Legends make kpop skins and a music video for a bunch of their characters. That's not enough to result in any copyright issues, is it
I wanted to add, that face is not derpy, her eyes are ever so slightly too high, that's all that's wrong with it, it's actually pretty good, you've actually got potential as an artist and i'm not speaking from a place of ignorance, i consume digital heart in great quantities almost every single day and have done for over a decade. The one thing i really want to convey to you if you doubt your own abilities is something of a mantra in the art world: "every great artist is a crap one who never gave up". Also, on that note, an extremely valuable image i insist on sharing with any and every artist i see doubting their abilities:
View attachment 12338
I share it because of just how important it is to artists, i don't need it, i have absolutely no skill or talent at making art whatsoever, absolutely 0, but over a decade of evaluating art i've learned enough things to know the importance of that mantra. Would i save your art as it is now? No, i'm viciously picky, but that's completely and utterly not the point, i'm only a consumer of art and all the art i love and enjoy is only possible because low skilled artists kept going until they got to the point where my aggressively specific tastes took notice of them, they got there through hard work and myriad techniques, this is one, read it, think about it, know it and you will find yourself more equipped to appreciate your own abilities and capabilities whilst maintaining a motivating direction to grow in.
I see potential in your sketch, potential that could blossom in to a artistic ability that catches the eye of someone just like me but a decade behind, you could very well turn in to an artist they discover and add to their follow list, gleefully looking forward to the next work you produce that they can snatch up and add to their collection. Please don't dismiss yourself like that again.
Thanks a lot for the advice and the kind words. I really appreciate it! I don't know if it's because my culture puts an emphasis on being humble, but I think the last time I was in the 'Skill > Ability to see' phase was back in fifth grade. This was pretty eye-opening. I think you've convinced me to develop the sketch further. It would be great if I could make it good enough to be accepted as an in-game bust.
Obviously, I should probably finish writing her first, though... speaking of which, with the addition of a short 'Hobbies' section (I'll probably add more to it as I think about stuff Evening would be interested in), all her dialogue options are done! I may add more, especially if I think of new stories for her to tell, but I've reached what I think is a sufficient bare minimum. Now I just have to write a bunch of sex. This is fine. I'm fine with this.
After those are done I can finally start revising and editing in earnest. The thought gets me pretty excited. I've always liked editing more than writing lol.
I fixed the derpy face!
Dreams really do come true if you believe in yourself hard enough!
Dreams really do come true if you believe in yourself hard enough!
"When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will cum on you"
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will cum on you"
Oh my god the busts are done. I felt super awkward drawing the naughty bits but they're done. Imgur links are in the doc since I don't want to spam photos in here.
On the writing front, I'm missing two post-coital scenes (the ones where you usually put your clothes back on and gtfo) and the alternate route for when you want to do the normal sink sex scene but suffer from a case of too biggus dickus, but other than that her initial material is almost done. The finish line has come into sight, you guys.
On the writing front, I'm missing two post-coital scenes (the ones where you usually put your clothes back on and gtfo) and the alternate route for when you want to do the normal sink sex scene but suffer from a case of too biggus dickus, but other than that her initial material is almost done. The finish line has come into sight, you guys.
Two things:
1. I redid some of Evening's clothed busts because I wasn't satisfied with how the shading looked. I've updated the links and am more satisfied with them now.
2. HER ROUGH DRAFT IS DONE.
IT'S DOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE.
Oh god okay now it's time to edit. I left myself a bunch of comments to address, especially about variations. I definitely didn't get them all though. There's a to-do list at the top so you can look there to see what I've got in mind. In the meantime, I'd love feed back of anything kind, especially with regards to:
1. I redid some of Evening's clothed busts because I wasn't satisfied with how the shading looked. I've updated the links and am more satisfied with them now.
2. HER ROUGH DRAFT IS DONE.
IT'S DOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE.
Oh god okay now it's time to edit. I left myself a bunch of comments to address, especially about variations. I definitely didn't get them all though. There's a to-do list at the top so you can look there to see what I've got in mind. In the meantime, I'd love feed back of anything kind, especially with regards to:
- Interesting ways to include variations I haven't thought of or aren't marked (I've probably missed a lot here)
- More dialogue options (what you want to see her talk about)
- More story ideas (I especially want to write one about the Treatment, but I'm super undecided on what the plot would actually be. I need to think about it a lot more)
- Whether the quality of writing is up to snuff/if there are any issues that would prevent it from getting accepted
- And so much mooooooooore
I addressed most of the comments and notes I'd made earlier and rewrote the 'mods' dialogue option today. Other than adding variations based on Steele's appearance and personality, editing should actually be done pretty soon. Of course, in the meantime I'll still be thinking about extra dialogue options to potentially add.
On another note, I was recently told in the discord that even if character submissions open up, they might be super slow unless they're for Dhaal because that's the latest planet the team is working on and the backlog is really big? Would it be worth it to change the doc to move her to Dhaal since her location isn't too important to her character? I'm not sure if I'm 'allowed' to add something to a new planet as a first-time submitter.
EDIT: This seems to be the case, and I seem to be okay to put her on Dhaal so long as I read her stuff and there aren't any lore problems. I'm going to finish my edits and try my luck with that!
On another note, I was recently told in the discord that even if character submissions open up, they might be super slow unless they're for Dhaal because that's the latest planet the team is working on and the backlog is really big? Would it be worth it to change the doc to move her to Dhaal since her location isn't too important to her character? I'm not sure if I'm 'allowed' to add something to a new planet as a first-time submitter.
EDIT: This seems to be the case, and I seem to be okay to put her on Dhaal so long as I read her stuff and there aren't any lore problems. I'm going to finish my edits and try my luck with that!
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Okay, a couple of things have happened since I last posted:
- I looked at Dhaal and decided that it was a better fit for Evening than Uveto (cyberpunk city in eternal twilight helloooo) so I'm definitely moving her there. I talked to Slab Bulkhead and he agreed to let me put her in the bar he's currently writing. So all her text has been adjusted to reflect that.
- I'm done all my edits, at least the ones I can do now. I will probably still go over stuff and adjust it when I think of changes I need to make, but this is a comfortable bare minimum for me, ie. if I were to submit it tomorrow I'd be okay with that.
- I'm still thinking about adding new scenes, dialogue options, etc. It's added bonus territory for me.
- I may add an option to let you play darts with her in the bar. This makes more sense than challenging her to a duel and would get me to do her stats which I would need for her quest anyways.
Yeah, I'd say she's readable now. I don't think she'll make it into the game (if she gets accepted) for a couple of months at least, so you may as well jump in now
Plus, I could always use some more feedback. Right now I'm not entirely sure how on track I am in terms of quality.
Plus, I could always use some more feedback. Right now I'm not entirely sure how on track I am in terms of quality.
Congratulations on making it to the Minimum Viable Product stage! Not every content producer even makes it that far. (I should know, more than a few of my writing projects have died before they ever got that far.)
Thanks guys I'm really glad to have made it this far. Just looking at how long the doc has gotten boggles my mind.
I'm really glad to have made it this far. Just looking at how long the doc has gotten boggles my mind.
You definitely caught some stuff I hadn't thought about, so thanks for that! As for the bar scenes: I spoke with Slab and he said that patrons would probably not be able to sneak off into the bar, so I had to move them onto her ship. It's not too big a change in the long run. The cowgirl scene I only started working on after I finished her initial content; it's an extra goodie I started writing because I felt like it It'll probably be done by the time I'm ready to submit the doc as a whole. Glad you enjoyed reading it!
It'll probably be done by the time I'm ready to submit the doc as a whole. Glad you enjoyed reading it!
Annnnd the cowgirl scene is done, sans some variations. I think this one is my best one yet, though that might just be because I got all my practice in writing the ones before it.
I was contemplating using Zephyr in a Treatment-based story, but Wsan (who I thought was the author) tole me it was actually Savin who made her. I haven't gotten around to DMing him because I've been thinking about how if there really were an underground railway sneaking kids off-planet, and if Evening really had helped in an operation before, that she maybe wouldn't drunkenly let this fact slip and put the operation at risk. Especially if Steele is Treated. So I may put that on the backburner.
As it is, I hear Slab's going to be done his bar in about two weeks, so I think I'll polish what I do have written for now. I can always add it in via expac!
I was contemplating using Zephyr in a Treatment-based story, but Wsan (who I thought was the author) tole me it was actually Savin who made her. I haven't gotten around to DMing him because I've been thinking about how if there really were an underground railway sneaking kids off-planet, and if Evening really had helped in an operation before, that she maybe wouldn't drunkenly let this fact slip and put the operation at risk. Especially if Steele is Treated. So I may put that on the backburner.
As it is, I hear Slab's going to be done his bar in about two weeks, so I think I'll polish what I do have written for now. I can always add it in via expac!
Well, I can tell you that longer part of the wait would definitely be the review/accepting process. Assuming that happens, I'd be more than glad to jump on coding her as soon as possible!Yeah, I'd say she's readable now. I don't think she'll make it into the game (if she gets accepted) for a couple of months at least, so you may as well jump in now
I like her, shes well written.
Will it be possible to give her mods eventually? Its kind of hinted at with the > 10 Thigh Fuck scene, specifically the "Just imagine if you could fit this inside of you," you tease, attacking her clit again. "You're missing out." part.
That scenes really hot, and it would be even hotter if it led to Evening using mods to make it a reality.
Will it be possible to give her mods eventually? Its kind of hinted at with the > 10 Thigh Fuck scene, specifically the "Just imagine if you could fit this inside of you," you tease, attacking her clit again. "You're missing out." part.
That scenes really hot, and it would be even hotter if it led to Evening using mods to make it a reality.
Once you've progressed her to the point where she's willing to use Rainbowgaze you might be able to convince her to use just one dose of EasyFit Cream too, so long as your dick isn't absolutely enormous. (We know how Evening feels about ridiculously huge dicks after all.)