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<blockquote data-quote="Superfreq" data-source="post: 441240" data-attributes="member: 34780"><p>Svern's milking machine</p><p></p><p>Ask what the machine is</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35922[/ATTACH]</p><p>//The word "be" is missing.</p><p>Sure, he's getting pretty defensive about it, but you get the feeling that needling poor Svern further isn't going <em>to conducive</em> to getting much more out of him.</p><p></p><p>//Two options I can see to fix this. 1. Remove the word "since". 2. Replace the word "so" with "I". What ever seems best.</p><p>"Well. Usually I'd charge, but <em>since</em> you let us do a pretty good business at your place, <em>so</em> guess you can consider it part of our toll.</p><p></p><p>Ask for more details</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35923[/ATTACH]</p><p>//"what's" should be "what".</p><p>So to condense all his blathering, <em>what's</em> he's saying is that his machine can make anyone chestier and milkier.</p><p></p><p>//"shakes".</p><p>Svern <em>sakes</em> his head at that. "No can do, I'm afraid. With all respect, even if I wanted to make another, the machine draws its power from the caravan's engine.</p><p></p><p>Ask to try it out</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35924[/ATTACH]</p><p>//The word "done" seems to be missing.</p><p>"I just <em>got changing</em> everything, so it should all be squeaky-clean and perfectly hygienic.</p><p></p><p>PC: getting set up</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35925[/ATTACH]</p><p>//This stray "while" makes the sentense sound unfinished, since their is no comparitive until the next one. The easiest way to fix this would probably be to just remove it.</p><p>//Also, "titty" should be "titties", plural.</p><p>You lean upon the leather padding, keeping it snug in your armpits and securing yourself before fully committing your weight — <em>while</em> you can't help but get the distinct feeling that you're only able to half-grasp the milking bar with arms on one side and <em>titty</em> on the other, leaving you feeling unbalanced. You aren't uncomfortable, but nevertheless are thankful when the vibrations of the machine running up the hoses send a soothing tingle into your fluid-filled tits and help set your mind at ease.</p><p></p><p>PC: Milking only</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35926[/ATTACH]</p><p>//"though".</p><p>The milker isn't giving up so easily, <em>through</em>.</p><p></p><p>//"it" and "is" should be replaced with "they" and "are", since "boobs" is plural.</p><p>The milking rhythm's turned your fluid-filled boobs into even more of an erogenous zone than <em>it</em> already <em>is</em>, stirring you up to two more quaking highs like your previous one.</p><p></p><p>//"nothing" should be "nothing else", and "feels" should instead be "feel" since "breasts" is plural.</p><p>The milker is thorough if <em>nothing</em>, and by the time it starts winding down your fluid-filled breasts <em>feels</em> hollowed-out, every last drop thoroughly extracted.</p><p></p><p>PC: Increase milk production</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35927[/ATTACH]</p><p>//I think two phrases got mashed together here; this makes allot more sense if you replace "all the way" with "as far as".</p><p>Eventually, he settles on turning one of the dials <em>all the way</em> it'll go, dusting off his hands in satisfaction when he's done.</p><p></p><p>//"pulls" should be "pull" since "breasts" is plural.</p><p>You can't help but feel a twinge of pride as your lactating breasts <em>pulls</em> back against their slime-latex attachments, snapping into shape no matter how strongly they're handled; with each roll of your tits, the creamy glob of warm potential atop your ribs grows denser and tauter, being churned into thick hardness.</p><p></p><p>//Missing an "r" at the end of "shiver".</p><p>It's seeping into your milk ducts, embiggening them, making them more productive; the sensation of them being more capable sends a <em>shive</em> of primal excitement down your spine.</p><p></p><p>//"your".</p><p>Gradually, the rest of the world falls away as <em>you</em> hot, glistening teats grow wet; the sheen that soon appears on each nipple and areola rapidly gathers into droplets, then spurts of heavy elf cream.</p><p></p><p>//"it's" should be "their" since "breasts" is plural.</p><p>The gradual emptying of your lactating breasts of <em>its</em> cargo merely makes space for the increased production that you're going to have, demand resulting in an increase in supply, as it were.</p><p></p><p>//This is confusing. "tendrals" is plural, but "source" is not, so the easiest way to fix this would probably be to change "root themselves" to "roots itself".</p><p>With a sudden clenching, the creamy warmth in your tight, fluid-filled udders peaks, and the spurts grow heavier, tendrils of warmth reaching deeper into your palmable, lactating mounds as the source of your rich cream <em>root themselves</em> ever more firmly in your body, plumping with potential.</p><p></p><p>//"feels" should be "feel" since "breasts" is plural.</p><p>You feel milkier, heavier despite having just been freshly drained of liquid cargo; your palmable, lactating breasts <em>feels</em> firmer, denser despite not actually having changed in size.</p><p></p><p>//I feel like a ; or — would be appropriate to separate these ideas.</p><p>When you palm your breasts, you're rewarded with a shuddering <em>sigh that</em> milkiness isn't just about being a source of food.</p><p></p><p>//"into".</p><p>It's warm against the fresh tenderness of your palmable, lactating jugs, a small mercy your body's grateful for — overly stimulating your fluid-filled udders while it's still righting itself from being enmilkened so suddenly might send you <em>in</em> a spiral of pleasure so hot and heavy you wouldn't be able to escape for the rest of the day.</p><p></p><p>PC: Imbigginning</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35928[/ATTACH]</p><p>//There are two options I can think of to fix this. Either change "elicits" to "eliciting" and put a comma at the end of the word before it, or add an "and" before the word "elicits". What ever sounds better.</p><p>The throbbing sensations roiling warmth throws itself against the physical confines of your fluid-filled mounds <em>elicits</em> several desperate gasps from your lips as titflesh continues to expand in a maelstrom of ecstasy, taking on a lovely, round shapeliness that's as firm as it is bouncy.</p><p></p><p>//"into".</p><p>It's warm against the fresh tenderness of your palmable, lactating jugs, a small mercy your body's grateful for — overly stimulating your fluid-filled udders while it's still righting itself from being enmilkened so suddenly might send you <em>in</em> a spiral of pleasure so hot and heavy you wouldn't be able to escape for the rest of the day.</p><p></p><p>Cait: All instances of scene, page 1</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35929[/ATTACH]</p><p>//"as" not "to".</p><p>Svern makes a show of studying Cait's tits, going <em>to</em> far as to get out a measuring tape. On her part, your pink kitten plays along with the charade, proudly puffing up and thrusting out her kitty titties while he works.</p><p></p><p>//Probably should be "her head".</p><p>Cait gives you an encouraging wink and smile as she lays herself out atop the milking bar, bowing <em>a</em> head a little in a perfect position for pats.</p><p></p><p>Cait: first time using machine only, page 2</p><p>Note: Please ignore the milk noun error, that was my fault for messing with the save editor.</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35930[/ATTACH]</p><p>//Game refers to the PC's nipples rather than Cait's, and even uses the PC's milk type. Again the error was my fault, but even when I fixed it, the swapping still happens.</p><p>Still, he waits several more moments for the flow of ERROR: NONVALID FLUID TYPE PASSED TO fluidNoun. Value: -1 from your teats to finally cease altogether, then steps forward to detach the milking cups from Cait's bust, now bigger and milkier than it was mere moments ago.</p><p></p><p>//"than".</p><p>Nothing more satisfying <em>that</em> seeing another busty kitten walk out of the wagon, yeah?"</p><p></p><p>Cait: All visits after the first time, page 2</p><p>Note: Please ignore the milk noun error, that was my fault for messing with the save editor.</p><p>[ATTACH=full]35931[/ATTACH]</p><p>//"full".</p><p>So <em>fill</em>, so productive — with each tug on her nipples from the milking machine, Cait's kitty titties throb with exhilaration, getting milkier and milkier by degrees to match her freshly-expanded tits.</p><p></p><p>//Extra "your".</p><p>The hoses sputter momentarily from the sudden increase in production, but Svern turns a dial on the side of the milker and the wonderful suction returns with a vengeance, strong and steady as it pumps at <em>your your</em> pink kitten; she yowls and her whole body shivers in sweet surrender to the milkgasm as it swiftly defeats her, leaving her a whimpering, moaning mess.</p><p></p><p>//Game refers to the PC's nipples rather than Cait's, and even uses the PC's milk type. Again the error was my fault, but even when I fixed it, the swapping still happens.</p><p>Still, he waits several more moments for the flow of ERROR: NONVALID FLUID TYPE PASSED TO fluidNoun. Value: -1 from your teats to finally cease altogether, then steps forward to detach the milking cups from Cait's bust, now bigger and milkier than it was mere moments ago.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Superfreq, post: 441240, member: 34780"] Svern's milking machine Ask what the machine is [ATTACH=full]35922[/ATTACH] //The word "be" is missing. Sure, he's getting pretty defensive about it, but you get the feeling that needling poor Svern further isn't going [I]to conducive[/I] to getting much more out of him. //Two options I can see to fix this. 1. Remove the word "since". 2. Replace the word "so" with "I". What ever seems best. "Well. Usually I'd charge, but [I]since[/I] you let us do a pretty good business at your place, [I]so[/I] guess you can consider it part of our toll. Ask for more details [ATTACH=full]35923[/ATTACH] //"what's" should be "what". So to condense all his blathering, [I]what's[/I] he's saying is that his machine can make anyone chestier and milkier. //"shakes". Svern [I]sakes[/I] his head at that. "No can do, I'm afraid. With all respect, even if I wanted to make another, the machine draws its power from the caravan's engine. Ask to try it out [ATTACH=full]35924[/ATTACH] //The word "done" seems to be missing. "I just [I]got changing[/I] everything, so it should all be squeaky-clean and perfectly hygienic. PC: getting set up [ATTACH=full]35925[/ATTACH] //This stray "while" makes the sentense sound unfinished, since their is no comparitive until the next one. The easiest way to fix this would probably be to just remove it. //Also, "titty" should be "titties", plural. You lean upon the leather padding, keeping it snug in your armpits and securing yourself before fully committing your weight — [I]while[/I] you can't help but get the distinct feeling that you're only able to half-grasp the milking bar with arms on one side and [I]titty[/I] on the other, leaving you feeling unbalanced. You aren't uncomfortable, but nevertheless are thankful when the vibrations of the machine running up the hoses send a soothing tingle into your fluid-filled tits and help set your mind at ease. PC: Milking only [ATTACH=full]35926[/ATTACH] //"though". The milker isn't giving up so easily, [I]through[/I]. //"it" and "is" should be replaced with "they" and "are", since "boobs" is plural. The milking rhythm's turned your fluid-filled boobs into even more of an erogenous zone than [I]it[/I] already [I]is[/I], stirring you up to two more quaking highs like your previous one. //"nothing" should be "nothing else", and "feels" should instead be "feel" since "breasts" is plural. The milker is thorough if [I]nothing[/I], and by the time it starts winding down your fluid-filled breasts [I]feels[/I] hollowed-out, every last drop thoroughly extracted. PC: Increase milk production [ATTACH=full]35927[/ATTACH] //I think two phrases got mashed together here; this makes allot more sense if you replace "all the way" with "as far as". Eventually, he settles on turning one of the dials [I]all the way[/I] it'll go, dusting off his hands in satisfaction when he's done. //"pulls" should be "pull" since "breasts" is plural. You can't help but feel a twinge of pride as your lactating breasts [I]pulls[/I] back against their slime-latex attachments, snapping into shape no matter how strongly they're handled; with each roll of your tits, the creamy glob of warm potential atop your ribs grows denser and tauter, being churned into thick hardness. //Missing an "r" at the end of "shiver". It's seeping into your milk ducts, embiggening them, making them more productive; the sensation of them being more capable sends a [I]shive[/I] of primal excitement down your spine. //"your". Gradually, the rest of the world falls away as [I]you[/I] hot, glistening teats grow wet; the sheen that soon appears on each nipple and areola rapidly gathers into droplets, then spurts of heavy elf cream. //"it's" should be "their" since "breasts" is plural. The gradual emptying of your lactating breasts of [I]its[/I] cargo merely makes space for the increased production that you're going to have, demand resulting in an increase in supply, as it were. //This is confusing. "tendrals" is plural, but "source" is not, so the easiest way to fix this would probably be to change "root themselves" to "roots itself". With a sudden clenching, the creamy warmth in your tight, fluid-filled udders peaks, and the spurts grow heavier, tendrils of warmth reaching deeper into your palmable, lactating mounds as the source of your rich cream [I]root themselves[/I] ever more firmly in your body, plumping with potential. //"feels" should be "feel" since "breasts" is plural. You feel milkier, heavier despite having just been freshly drained of liquid cargo; your palmable, lactating breasts [I]feels[/I] firmer, denser despite not actually having changed in size. //I feel like a ; or — would be appropriate to separate these ideas. When you palm your breasts, you're rewarded with a shuddering [I]sigh that[/I] milkiness isn't just about being a source of food. //"into". It's warm against the fresh tenderness of your palmable, lactating jugs, a small mercy your body's grateful for — overly stimulating your fluid-filled udders while it's still righting itself from being enmilkened so suddenly might send you [I]in[/I] a spiral of pleasure so hot and heavy you wouldn't be able to escape for the rest of the day. PC: Imbigginning [ATTACH=full]35928[/ATTACH] //There are two options I can think of to fix this. Either change "elicits" to "eliciting" and put a comma at the end of the word before it, or add an "and" before the word "elicits". What ever sounds better. The throbbing sensations roiling warmth throws itself against the physical confines of your fluid-filled mounds [I]elicits[/I] several desperate gasps from your lips as titflesh continues to expand in a maelstrom of ecstasy, taking on a lovely, round shapeliness that's as firm as it is bouncy. //"into". It's warm against the fresh tenderness of your palmable, lactating jugs, a small mercy your body's grateful for — overly stimulating your fluid-filled udders while it's still righting itself from being enmilkened so suddenly might send you [I]in[/I] a spiral of pleasure so hot and heavy you wouldn't be able to escape for the rest of the day. Cait: All instances of scene, page 1 [ATTACH=full]35929[/ATTACH] //"as" not "to". Svern makes a show of studying Cait's tits, going [I]to[/I] far as to get out a measuring tape. On her part, your pink kitten plays along with the charade, proudly puffing up and thrusting out her kitty titties while he works. //Probably should be "her head". Cait gives you an encouraging wink and smile as she lays herself out atop the milking bar, bowing [I]a[/I] head a little in a perfect position for pats. Cait: first time using machine only, page 2 Note: Please ignore the milk noun error, that was my fault for messing with the save editor. [ATTACH=full]35930[/ATTACH] //Game refers to the PC's nipples rather than Cait's, and even uses the PC's milk type. Again the error was my fault, but even when I fixed it, the swapping still happens. Still, he waits several more moments for the flow of ERROR: NONVALID FLUID TYPE PASSED TO fluidNoun. Value: -1 from your teats to finally cease altogether, then steps forward to detach the milking cups from Cait's bust, now bigger and milkier than it was mere moments ago. //"than". Nothing more satisfying [I]that[/I] seeing another busty kitten walk out of the wagon, yeah?" Cait: All visits after the first time, page 2 Note: Please ignore the milk noun error, that was my fault for messing with the save editor. [ATTACH=full]35931[/ATTACH] //"full". So [I]fill[/I], so productive — with each tug on her nipples from the milking machine, Cait's kitty titties throb with exhilaration, getting milkier and milkier by degrees to match her freshly-expanded tits. //Extra "your". The hoses sputter momentarily from the sudden increase in production, but Svern turns a dial on the side of the milker and the wonderful suction returns with a vengeance, strong and steady as it pumps at [I]your your[/I] pink kitten; she yowls and her whole body shivers in sweet surrender to the milkgasm as it swiftly defeats her, leaving her a whimpering, moaning mess. //Game refers to the PC's nipples rather than Cait's, and even uses the PC's milk type. Again the error was my fault, but even when I fixed it, the swapping still happens. Still, he waits several more moments for the flow of ERROR: NONVALID FLUID TYPE PASSED TO fluidNoun. Value: -1 from your teats to finally cease altogether, then steps forward to detach the milking cups from Cait's bust, now bigger and milkier than it was mere moments ago. [/QUOTE]
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