[Submitted] Raskvel Broodmother Expansion

[HNB]

Broodmother Expansion​

I've been working on this for some time, as a project for a character that I was upset I couldn't return to the Raskvel Broodmother from Azras Expeditions.

In short, currently taking the Motherhusks from the Raskvel has been on her mind for some time to the extent she's lost her broodmother-yness. She blames the player a lot for this and wants her motherhusks returned. By returning them the player can begin building her back up and beyond.

I have coded, written and illustrated this expansion myself in a branch of the TiTS Source. I'm aware the summary section is quite large, I'll be trimming it down once I've got the details that it contains written down in other sections. Credit to the writers and illustrators for the original scene is due as a bust has been re-used from that and the sex-scenes copied over and modified to exclude Azra and generally fit the scenario.

Any feedback is appreciated at any time.

Currently:

Currently I am at a point where I am happy with the project. I am very thankful for all feedback received as it has helped this project from growing out of control.

I have submitted it via the form. I would still appreciate feedback however! I will take a break from this character for a short while to work on other submission ideas but, provided this expansion takes off, I am thinking of doing a second expansion adding the existing planned content from the doc as well as other peoples ideas.

 

[Quiet Browser]

Whilst I really like the idea of this... it's incredibly hard to read it in its current format. If you want more feedback, I suggest making a GDoc for actual reference; Fenoxo will doubtlessly appreciate you taking the initiative in coding, but he doesn't really have the time to read the code from scratch. GDocs make it easier to look through content and spot mistakes, which is why it's recommended that you put it up in that fashion.

 

[William.]

You really need to have a google doc, otherwise this is an instant rejection. And that'd be a shame. People have been wanting more Broodmother, and maybe there's some writing in there that's worth its salt, that someone can edit and punch up for you. But as it stands, we can't critique anything reliably. A coder would be able to comment on how you've handled that side but... there's nothing any of us can do.

You said you've been writing it into a Notepad Doc. You need to outline a doc through Google Docs, set up all the headings, and copy paste your work into a proper reviewing environment. Then, share it with us. All further writing should, of course, be done on the doc.

 

[HNB]

Thanks for the feedback. I understand that it's next to impossible to tell whats on offer from a bunch of code, so I will be typing it up into a design doc as soon as the current feature is completed.

It's not that I hadn't intended to, it's just that that's not how I've worked.

 

[DrunkZombie]

I would love some more broodmother. Once you think it is ready for feedback, I would be willing to look at the code and comment.

 

[HNB]

Right, I've been hammering away at the design doc. Because of the number of scenes with lots of conditions, it's quite long. But it's only going to get a little longer, I just need to put the sex scenes in and then everything should be in there, unless I'm missing something really obvious about the format of the document or I need to go into more detail about some functionality.

EDIT: That's half the sex scenes copied over, just a few more. I have missed out the impregnation scene too, but that's quite short and should be quick.

 

[thernn]

Honestly the first thing I'd do if I was coding this would be to make a new copy and strip your pseudo code. Its still way too dense. It gives me a headache. Culling the italics markup and the line breaks would help some. We have macros that do that and it's more digestible without them.

 

[HNB]

Honestly the first thing I'd do if I was coding this would be to make a new copy and strip your pseudo code. Its still way too dense. It gives me a headache. Culling the italics markup and the line breaks would help some. We have macros that do that and it's more digestible without them.

It already is coded, so in the design doc it's more an issue of readability.

I've used the format I've used for the document as it's what was recommended in the "How to write a design doc" document provided in the sticky thread.

I thought I had removed all the line breaks so my apologies that there were some left, I've removed them now.
As for italics the guide said to keep them in for speech emphasis although if it helps with readability I suppose they could be removed too.
I'll give some of the earlier parts of the design doc a look over. I think I've likely got better at laying it out as time's gone on, so if there isn't anything that's up to snuff I'lI be able to improve that.

 

[HNB]

Hi Everyone. I've typed everything up now.

Currently I'm simply cleaning up the document and the heading's. Everything's in there, so if it's readable for you, I'd appreciate feedback, even if it's just on specific parts (It's a long-ass doc!)

 

[Whimsalot]

I reaaally suggest getting rid of all the busts - I am not sure if Fen & Gats are ok with using edited Gats busts (and I kinda doubt you asked beforehand) and there is a good reason why most characters have only one or two busts (even the important NPCs get only a handfull): filesize. Tits is about 40MB and most of it are the grafics, now having nearly 150 busts for a single character is ridiculous.

(I really dont understand why people allways make this big projects as their first submission)

 

[HNB]

I reaaally suggest getting rid of all the busts - I am not sure if Fen & Gats are ok with using edited Gats busts (and I kinda doubt you asked beforehand) and there is a good reason why most characters have only one or two busts (even the important NPCs get only a handfull): filesize. Tits is about 40MB and most of it are the grafics, now having nearly 150 busts for a single character is ridiculous.

(I really dont understand why people allways make this big projects as their first submission)

I would argue using existing busts for an existing character seems fair game, however youre right, editing them isn't really okay. However most projects do also not have their busts illustrated at this point, so they could possibly be seen more as mock-ups.

Regardless I will remove the edited busts shortly as I should really have asked first before editing them and putting them out there.

I'd also consider removing the clothing one's even if using the other busts was given the OK, as they do drastically increase the number of busts and you're right, having so many busts for a single character is a bit much.
Or possibly removing the level system altogether. I saw it as a way for the player to progress with the character , but the friendliness system providing quests and other options could possibly be better.

I chose this project, despite its ambitiousness because I liked the Broodmother and as a player wanted to return to her.

 

[Dark67titan]

Well neither of the level system or busts will be removed

 

[HNB]

Hi everyone, just providing an update on what's being worked on.

After quite a lot of thinking, I've decided to strip back the level's a bit. This character was using way too many busts before and also the lower levels made the character less "fun". Also I felt things had gotten way too complicated as I'd just added thing after thing, just because it sounded cool rather than because it particularly suited the character.
So I'm stripping back the levels to 0-2. 0 is the same as before, her broken and very un-broodmothery. 1 is then like 4/the expedition if pregnant or a less pregnant-looking version of that if not and 2 is like what I had for 6 before, or simply a more free-use looking version, as I feel that still suits the character. These changes will be going into the document as soon as possible.

My intentions following that are simply to tidy up for submission/gather more feedback. I want to get the ability to return to the Broodmother into peoples hands ASAP. That is what this is intended to be, with any functionality I've added changed or removed so that things are acceptable.
Following that, I may look into adding more options and quests for her in a follow up expansion.

 

[Linarahn]

Hi everyone, just providing an update on what's being worked on.

After quite a lot of thinking, I've decided to strip back the level's a bit. This character was using way too many busts before and also the lower levels made the character less "fun". Also I felt things had gotten way too complicated as I'd just added thing after thing, just because it sounded cool rather than because it particularly suited the character.
So I'm stripping back the levels to 0-2. 0 is the same as before, her broken and very un-broodmothery. 1 is then like 4/the expedition if pregnant or a less pregnant-looking version of that if not and 2 is like what I had for 6 before, or simply a more free-use looking version, as I feel that still suits the character. These changes will be going into the document as soon as possible.

I see, I see! Does that mean the "exp" rate to reach the next levels gets reduced, too, or is that still a done deal with x amounts of Motherhusks, sexings and babymaking?

My intentions following that are simply to tidy up for submission/gather more feedback. I want to get the ability to return to the Broodmother into peoples hands ASAP. That is what this is intended to be, with any functionality I've added changed or removed so that things are acceptable.
Following that, I may look into adding more options and quests for her in a follow up expansion.

Ooh, sounds good to me! If you don't mind answering, when you say "more options", do you mean more things to do to/with her (sexual or otherwise, like doing stuff with adorable rask kids maybe)?

 

[HNB]

I see, I see! Does that mean the "exp" rate to reach the next levels gets reduced, too, or is that still a done deal with x amounts of Motherhusks, sexings and babymaking?

Currently I've got Level 1 being achieved just by giving the Broodmother the motherhusks and Level 2 being obtained at 60 points. Points are still achieved the same way as before.

Ooh, sounds good to me! If you don't mind answering, when you say "more options", do you mean more things to do to/with her (sexual or otherwise, like doing stuff with adorable rask kids maybe)?

When I mean options, I pretty much mean any new scenes/dialogue options. So yeah, that could be a possibility.

 

[Dark67titan]

Personally I find the treated bust odd

 

[HNB]

Personally I find the treated bust odd

Anything specifically? If you let me know, I can look into improving it, when I get a chance.

 

[Dark67titan]

Anything specifically? If you let me know, I can look into improving it, when I get a chance.

it’s just the teats on the stomach I’ve never known the the treatment to that to someone

 

[NerdyBluefox]

There's one or two spelling mistakes like 'breen' instead of green but other than that this is fantastic!

Really looking forward to that scene with Azra!

 

[HNB]

it’s just the teats on the stomach I’ve never known the the treatment to that to someone

Ah right. Yeah, as far as I remember, in-game there arent any characters with them but on the wiki under physical effects, it is stated:

Udders:

It may be common on New Texas to colloquially refer to breasts as udders, but some women will find their bellies getting pinker, bulgier, and growing a plethora of nipples.

And I think I ended up checking the code for the treatment to back it up and it's a possible outcome there too. Although I might be wrong on that, this is just from memory.

So I made that the outcome on the Broodmother both because it's a proper treatment outcome and because it seemed super mother-y for her to be able to feed her children from those teats, like a cat.

There's one or two spelling mistakes like 'breen' instead of green but other than that this is fantastic!

Really looking forward to that scene with Azra!

Thanks very much! I'm really looking forward to working on that scene too!

 

[Dark67titan]

Ah right. Yeah, as far as I remember, in-game there arent any characters with them but on the wiki under physical effects, it is stated:



And I think I ended up checking the code for the treatment to back it up and it's a possible outcome there too. Although I might be wrong on that, this is just from memory.

So I made that the outcome on the Broodmother both because it's a proper treatment outcome and because it seemed super mother-y for her to be able to feed her children from those teats, like a cat.

fair enough I just find odd looking on her is all

 

[FadeSeeker]

Has this project been completely abandoned.

If so it's a pity since it would of been interesting having your own "Raskvel Broodmother" since unless something changed you can't impregnate Shekka.

Be like having a raskvel version of Roxy as well as breeding differences of species between them.

 

[one_two]

You can always be your own raskvel broodmother and pop out 20+ Shekka's eggs every few days if you want.

 

[FadeSeeker]

You can always be your own raskvel broodmother and pop out 20+ Shekka's eggs every few days if you want.

Not same beside if we do get a "Raskvel Broodmother" NPC she most likely need to live in the Nursery due to how rapid their pregnancy goes and the fact they end up immobilized before birth.

Maybe an option of using Shekka genetic treatment for you offspring. Though the raskvel's rapid growth and development can probably make an entire work force very quickly with your offspring.