[Submitted] Pirate Gang-Bang and Yammi codex entry

[Touchandgo]

This is an optional scene with a sparadat pirate taking you to their secret pirate dive bar, introducing you to their pirate friends and then taking you to the alley outside and initiating a gang-bang for a PC in over their head.

Contains a pure female sparadat, a female with a prehensile dick and muscley Ausar dude. All of which do not have your best interests in mind. You're getting filled, dirty, and left wanting. Only available for your nice and mischievous PC's.

Doc is fully written up and contains a codex entry for sparadates. The only other sparadat is Yammi on New Texas, and as far as I'm aware the species has no canon information on them.

Doc is here. Please tell me what you think and any criticisms you have!

 

[Touchandgo]

Some minor edits and formatting fixes. It should be completely finished now and ready for editors/commenters.

 

[valk42]

Looks good on a scan but has a few lore errors diverging from whats in-game, as bolded below

Spoiler: Yammi Talk Option

Keep in mind I was raised apart from my kin, but I did a lot of research. I’m a sparadat. We’re from a hot world with all sorts of shallow-water stretches and rocky terrain. I think I mentioned we’re amphibians?” She glances over to you, and you nod for her to continue. “Those of my race have live births like most humanoids. We also have a highly developed sense of smell and taste; I think that’s why I became such a fussy cook!” she laughs.

“So, we live for a long while, but nobody’s sure how long. Our world doesn’t have enough on it to really catch most people’s interest, no major wealth, just us. So we’ve kind of slipped through the cracks of the galaxy, and I think most sparadat are pretty good with that. Still, someone had use for a couple of us, or I wouldn’t be out here. I just hope my ancestors were adventurous, not captured specimens!”
You decide to switch topics before she thinks too hard on that, and ask about how her people fare on their world.
“Oh, they’re top of the food chain. Most of the water is only as deep as about twice my height. The few places it gets really deep have big fish, but since my kind are poisonous to most native critters, they don’t bother us. I think that’s why we have such bright colors, to alert other creatures we’re dangerous to eat.”</i> She scoops the cut veggies into a pot and stirs it for a second. Then a flash of realization crosses her face and she hurries to add: <i>“By the way, just for your peace of mind and all, we’re not poisonous to humanoids! You know, so you’re not worried I might kill you while cooking or anything!”</i>
You breathe out a sigh of relief. The thought had crossed your mind.

Will do another pass for grammar and word-flow after content revision

 

[Touchandgo]

Looks good on a scan but has a few lore errors diverging from whats in-game, as bolded below

Spoiler: Yammi Talk Option

Keep in mind I was raised apart from my kin, but I did a lot of research. I’m a sparadat. We’re from a hot world with all sorts of shallow-water stretches and rocky terrain. I think I mentioned we’re amphibians?” She glances over to you, and you nod for her to continue. “Those of my race have live births like most humanoids. We also have a highly developed sense of smell and taste; I think that’s why I became such a fussy cook!” she laughs.

“So, we live for a long while, but nobody’s sure how long. Our world doesn’t have enough on it to really catch most people’s interest, no major wealth, just us. So we’ve kind of slipped through the cracks of the galaxy, and I think most sparadat are pretty good with that. Still, someone had use for a couple of us, or I wouldn’t be out here. I just hope my ancestors were adventurous, not captured specimens!”
You decide to switch topics before she thinks too hard on that, and ask about how her people fare on their world.
“Oh, they’re top of the food chain. Most of the water is only as deep as about twice my height. The few places it gets really deep have big fish, but since my kind are poisonous to most native critters, they don’t bother us. I think that’s why we have such bright colors, to alert other creatures we’re dangerous to eat.”</i> She scoops the cut veggies into a pot and stirs it for a second. Then a flash of realization crosses her face and she hurries to add: <i>“By the way, just for your peace of mind and all, we’re not poisonous to humanoids! You know, so you’re not worried I might kill you while cooking or anything!”</i>
You breathe out a sigh of relief. The thought had crossed your mind.

Will do another pass for grammar and word-flow after content revision

Damnit. I had no idea that there was a scene with Yammi that gave you more info on her species. The codex that I did up diverges so much from that I wonder if it'll be easier to just give them a different name and declare em' a new species. Thank you so much for that info! Any advice/criticism you can give me would be amazing.

 

[valk42]

A rework producing a codex and new characters for an existing species would be received far better than a new species. I think this has good potential as a sparadat piece and poor odds as a completely new concept, and would be excited to see the existing minor cores races developed further

 

[Touchandgo]

A rework producing a codex and new characters for an existing species would be received far better than a new species. I think this has good potential as a sparadat piece and poor odds as a completely new concept, and would be excited to see the existing minor cores races developed further

Alright so I went through and fixed up the codex so it better matched with that Yammi talk scene. They still pass eggs between them (Ala sea horses), but instead of laying eggs, they give live birth at the end of the process. If there's any other conflicting stuff, let me know!

 

[valk42]

Added some suggestions, consider heading to the public discord chat to crowd-fund a little extra polish and review. Good promise, solid smut, you just need a little more fluency in parser calls and other writers-side pseudo-code to make it shine

 

[ForTheGraceOfSatan]

Imho I don't like how weak Steele feels in this scene. I don't mean sex scene (I'm leaving it for later), but how terrified they are by the pirate bar and two aliens. And how they squirm at the drink. For sure it goes well with how some people play, but my Steele is a merc, 7-foot tall mountain of muscles with titanium liver and not taking variables like that into consideration kind of breaks it for me. Besides, at this point you have probably beaten a bunch of pirates including people from Black Void, so why would you feel any more respect for some randoms at a bar? Sorry to be so negative, I am intrested in this project - I just don't like that it makes my character into a wimp.

 

[Touchandgo]

Imho I don't like how weak Steele feels in this scene. I don't mean sex scene (I'm leaving it for later), but how terrified they are by the pirate bar and two aliens. And how they squirm at the drink. For sure it goes well with how some people play, but my Steele is a merc, 7-foot tall mountain of muscles with titanium liver and not taking variables like that into consideration kind of breaks it for me. Besides, at this point you have probably beaten a bunch of pirates including people from Black Void, so why would you feel any more respect for some randoms at a bar? Sorry to be so negative, I am intrested in this project - I just don't like that it makes my character into a wimp.

That's why for those that aren't interested there's multiple points where you can choose to leave. Some people play their Steeles differently, and this is specifically for those that play their Steeles as more subby/innocent. This scene is for those that want to be dommed like that, and if you find yourself there and not wanting it there's two points in which you can say no thanks. It's even barred for hard PC's just to help with that issue.

And with the drink thing, it's not the alcohol making you're Steele squirm, but the fact it's fucking disgusting and burns.

This is a game, too. We're only at the beginning and there's going to be even harder enemies. We might have defeated everyone right now but if we time skipped two planets ahead with the same Steele we would get our asses kicked. Our PC aren't quite the apocalypse just yet.

 

[Touchandgo]

So I've finished editing it up and sent it off for Fen to review. Special shout out to @Lorealie and @valkyr42 who were amazing at giving advice and criticism throughout.

Crossing my fingers it's up to snuff.