'Service Top' WIP (Being re-written.)

[Reeva Knight]

Oof well this is my first post in the forum. So first off hi haha.

Was browsing this forum and found the event submission area and I just had to have a go. Yes, yes you would have all seen the thread title, it's a new sex scene for Kiyoko. I know she has so many sex scenes already but she is my favourite character/companion and what better way to cut your teeth and learn how to write in a different style and using this parser thing, then a scene with a favourite character. (Also enough is never enough... )

I'd love to progress onto enemies and other random bits and bobs but for now here is my work.

Google Docs: Sign-in

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docs.google.com

Any feedback would be very much appreciated before I actually submit it. Thank you!

 

[WolframL]

Welcome to the board. Not to scare you or anything but your first step should probably be to ask The Observer if he's interested in letting anyone write a scene for his character. It's not strictly mandated but it's just good form and can save a lot of wasted time if the writer isn't interested, already has plans for something similar, etc.

Also, you're writing the scene as if the Champ and Kiyoko are married, but you can see that dream before marrying her so that's not really an assumption you can make without breaking immersion. There's a parser tag for this [kiyoko.married] which you can use to account for that variable. I didn't progress past that point because of the first matter.

 

[Reeva Knight]

Oooooh! Ok, didn’t mean to make a slip up already. That’s fair! I didn’t realise. I just went through the guidelines and it said about writing a sex scene for a ‘waifu’. So I did.

I don’t mind really if this doesn’t go anywhere, it was a practise piece to try and learn anyway.

But I’ll go and try and send a message to make sure it’s ok then.

Well I recall seeing the terms wife and fox wife before the marriage so I used them. Unless husband/wife consort is the issue here? Easily changed if so. I can just stick that parser in.

Thank you for the feedback!

 

[Reeva Knight]

After feedback, I'm going to re-work this for a different character! Closed for now.