Sea Monster Bites Attempt at resubmission

[leomax]

Ok got the emails from my two submission attempts, my dreadlocks got in. The sea monster bites did not, I am asking for some help the criticism I was given was

• Grammar: spacing issues, comma splices, errant capitalization, etc.
• Flow: repetitious sentence structure (Ie: You look down. You see you're a sea monster. You sort of like it. etc)

So could I possibly get some editing help from some of ya'll so I we might all be given the opportunity to become curiously attractive sea monster. This is is a situation where i'm not quite seeing everything and maybe more sets of eyes could make this less bad
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That's the thing​

 

[leomax]

Hey made some changes in accordance to the criticism received. Feel free to look over it and leave notes if you want.

 

[leomax]

Made a bunch more changes.

 

[leomax]

I think I maybe good, made changes yesterday. Though before yesterday I thought I was good but someone found glaring errors and I myself found some more and that I had missed a note so. Its always good to check. Anywho I thiiink it should be fine after checking again today, if anyone else wants to look over it that's cool, if not thanks for the help you have already given.

 

[leomax]

Ok i got a nice person to spot some last minute glaring issues and added some lines myself. Think i'm going to try and submit it. Thanks