[Ren'Py] Thinking About You (brother/sister romance) v.02

[Noir Desir]

Thinking About You (brother/sister romance) v.02
Censorship: no
Genre: visual novel * seduction * brother - sister incest * foot fetish * footjob * masturbation * massage *
Platform: PC/Windows
Language: English

The main character is an ordinary teenager with a serious problem - no sexual experience. But now he starts his way from zero to hero.

Julia - older sister of the main character. She is an intelligent and witty girl. She loves her brother, unfortunately she does not take him too seriously.

Eva - Julia's roommate. It's a crazy girl who likes to do crazy things. Ghost summoning? Strip poker? Or maybe naked ghost summoning?

David - Julia's colleague. He is trying to pick her up. Using military terminology he is a high-value target.

The new version of the game is now available for free. V.02 is longer (almost twice as much text and images), contains many new funny and erotic scenes, and more nudity
Windows & Linux: https://mega.nz/#!8KIjkIYL!C9BmoBYGbdzgO-44S6HygQLGv2X7PvdScDaXhSNl2D4
Mac: https://mega.nz/#!cSRlBKYb!8H16xreJhxZdyWLsCIJzU25wdu7O-DHCpMWgneylquQ

 

[Ethereal Dragon]

Hmmm style looks similar to GlassX. Using Honey Select or the most recent Sexy Beach to make your characters?

 

[Jash]

Uh... disappointing. I was hoping from the description it would be a nice, slow-paced, story about a brother and sister slowly discovering previously unrealised feelings and coming around to the idea of a forbidden love (doing for brother-sister incest stories what Dating My Daughter is doing for father-daughter incest) but instead it was another simple "living with my hot sister, god I want to fuck her" then randomly molesting each other while she spontaneously says "no this is wrong" story.

Characterisation was all over the shop (I was absolutely taken aback when the MC suddenly pointed out that Julia is even more sexual than he is, because I sure hadn't seen any sign of that), Julia warns you away from her because you're siblings, then comes onto you INSANELY hard in what seems like a literal fit of temporary insanity, then goes "no, we absolutely can't do this!" again, THEN gives you a goddamn FOOTJOB just to win a video game (the whole HOMM3 bit was completely cringey, by the way, and before that I was rather befuddled when Julia randomly mentioned "playing Heroes" the next night with absolutely NO idea what she was going on about).

Also, pro tip for writing a visual novel: do not, do not, DO NOT give players 2 choices then tell them when they pick one "no you can't pick that one, you're picking the other one". Especially since there are so many sections in the game where you'd EXPECT you to get to make choices (such as that absolutely pathetically desperate sequence where he constantly busts in on her expecting her to be masturbating several times in a day) but you don't get to. If you want to railroad us, then railroad us, but don't yank our chains.

 

[Suiko]

Also, pro tip for writing a visual novel: do not, do not, DO NOT give players 2 choices then tell them when they pick one "no you can't pick that one, you're picking the other one". Especially since there are so many sections in the game where you'd EXPECT you to get to make choices (such as that absolutely pathetically desperate sequence where he constantly busts in on her expecting her to be masturbating several times in a day) but you don't get to. If you want to railroad us, then railroad us, but don't yank our chains.

This. Absolutely. Totally. Without a doubt. After the second time that that happened I was already like:

Also, I share Jash's view of the sister being bipolar as hell. o_o

 

[Noir Desir]

Jash, thanks for your comment. I greatly appreciate constructive criticism, but unfortunately I'm afraid that my writing style is absolutely not in your taste. And that can not be changed.

Also, I share Jash's view of the sister being bipolar as hell. o_o

Of course.

 

[Nephilim_Anunnaki]

So far I enjoyed it

 

[asestado]

I personally felt that the story is kind of messed up... not in the good way.

One moment you are warned to maintain the distance and the other she gives a footjob, the game just jumps like hell between two realities.

In fact is your sister on the dominant personality? submissive? neutral? my god I'm totally lost.

The art is good but the development of the story is extremely strange and bad (at least that's the feeling I got).

Sorry if I sound a bit too much of a critic but this messes up with people, a lot.

 

[Noir Desir]

Thank you for your feedback! I see that many people here have a problem with the character of Julia. Unfortunately this is the main idea of my game... Julia is a person who constantly lies, manipulates, and the player still does not know what she really thinks. There are many other games where you know exactly whether the heroine has a dominant personality or submissive personality etc.

 

[asestado]

Thank you for your feedback! I see that many people here have a problem with the character of Julia. Unfortunately this is the main idea of my game... Julia is a person who constantly lies, manipulates, and the player still does not know what she really thinks. There are many other games where you know exactly whether the heroine has a dominant personality or submissive personality etc.

I personally don't think that what you are trying to do is bad... it's just that perhaps it's too fast? perhaps a few in between events not sexual in between would help?.

I don't know, perhaps it's just that the player has too little information, normal people would find Julia just bipolar, however if you added events of the past or something people may find it more sense. Well it may also be that I have played too many games with basic characters so I get a bit lost here.

I quite like manipulative girls, because usually they have more personality than most girls in games, having objectives or just wanting to do something, an absolute difference compared with most...

However... it seems this game has a lot of choices but most of them even if you choose the other option it ends up happening anyway. Well I just hope it becomes a bit more meaningful to choose an option

 

[Noir Desir]

I do not want to defend my game here, because the game should defend itself. But my personal opinion is that you are too much looking at my game from the perspective of Japanese visual novels. I did not play too many games of this type, so they were not inspirational for me and I did not follow the rules.

I thought when the player saw Julia saying something and then doing something exactly opposite, he would ask the question: why she lied? What does she really think? What does she really want?
No question: what type of heroine from the visual novel she is

I'll give an example: my boss is a strong and dominant person in the job, and the weak, dominated man at home with his wife People usually have a much more complicated personality. Their motives for behavior are often incomprehensible. And here we talk about the incestuous relationships of brother and sister, so it is clear that Julia is not a 'typical person'.

I'm not saying that Julia is a well-written character, I'm just saying that I was not looking for inspiration for her personality in computer games.

As for events from the past - from a psychological point of view it would be very necessary, because most of this type of relationship takes shape in childhood. But this is not a good topic for adult games: D

 

[asestado]

Oh don't take me wrong, you don't have to defend the game or something like that, perhaps it's true that I have played too many japanese games.

It could be just that japanese games go north and you go south or something like that, the change is so big that people feel lost (perhaps it's just myself who knows).

Arg just ignore me and good luck with the game.

 

[Noir Desir]

I appreciate any feedback on my game. I just presented my point of view

 

[TheDarkMaster]

If the author's intention is for the player to feel like something is wrong or off, the most important thing to learn from your audience is what they feel and why. Then compare that to what you're going for and go from there. Getting and giving good feedback should focus on the why, not how things should be done. At least when you're not looking at it from a technical standpoint.

 

[Jash]

Thank you for your feedback! I see that many people here have a problem with the character of Julia. Unfortunately this is the main idea of my game... Julia is a person who constantly lies, manipulates, and the player still does not know what she really thinks. There are many other games where you know exactly whether the heroine has a dominant personality or submissive personality etc.

If it's intentional that's OK then... problem is, it isn't really working. Julia didn't strike me as a bipolar, unstable character with something inwardly wrong with her, she struck me as a badly-written porn game character. Now, what you need to do ISN'T necessarily to change how you write her- it's to alter my EXPECTATIONS so I interpret her character the way you intend me to. Because you don't give me any reason to expect her to be anything other than a nice normal older sister character, hints that there's more to her than that just come across as random, inconsistent characterisation.

 

[Nephilim_Anunnaki]

Or you can wait for future updates.

 

[IvoryOwl]

First of all, if you're going to be dealing with people yourself then it is imperative you remain as neutral and unbiased as possible when listening to feedback. I understand this is your baby and therefore you feel the need to defend it but you also have to understand that that attitude can land you in some hot water and put a hamper on the health and success of your project. You stated your perspective and we listened, now listen to ours - your methodology is flawed.

I feel like the characters could benefit from a bit more background in order for us to understand what we're facing. You can tell the sister is meant to be bipolar because you're the author but we have no such foresight or information to make such a deduction. Acting all random and unpredictable could mean a mental illness (if we're in tune with that you're thinking) or it could just be poor characterisation (which is what most people are going to assume since we have nothing else to go on).

Truth be told, the majority of those who play sex games aren't interested in deep philosophical matters or detective games where deductions have to be made about who has what. If you're going to add complex matters (such as mental illnesses) then you will have to be thorough and concise about it as we can't guess what's on your mind nor where are you taking it. That being said, good characters need to time bloom - you can't write a complex story within just a few minutes of gameplay.

 

[Noir Desir]

Thanks for your feedback

 

[Nephilim_Anunnaki]

Well, I am NOT saying is the case, but we cannot confuse poor characterization with the player don't liking the characterization.

 

[Noir Desir]

Well, I am NOT saying is the case, but we cannot confuse poor characterization with the player don't liking the characterization.

Most people who like my game, like it because of Julia's character. Other people do not like her character. I do not ignore critical comments, just can not do the game in a way that everyone would like. It's obvious.

And as you said, this is version 0.2 not 1.0

 

[Nephilim_Anunnaki]

True, you cannot appraise everybody

 

[Jash]

True, you cannot appraise everybody

*appease

 

[The Silver Bard]

After playing this, I have similar issues with Julia's characterization that many people have posted. It's not a bad thing for a character to wear a facade, but Julia seems like she's being written by two different authors who are arguing about her personality. It's fine if I as the player don't understand the character right away, but when it feels like the author doesn't understand her, it may be time to simplify her personality.

Also, holy crap that protagonist is creepy and unlikable. I almost closed the game without saving when he decided to creep on his sleeping sister because he was desperate to see her masturbating.

 

[Nephilim_Anunnaki]

*appease

Thanks, sorry for the typo.

 

[Darkblue006]

I more or less like a game as long as she takes her cloths off and will multiple choice her out of them till I get what I want.. more or less like real life.. It's all fun and games.. and then she is naked and you think hmm impregnate her or use a condom

I wish I could make a game like you awesome people, but I lack both programing and artistic skills and only have time, perverted thoughts, and an above par creativity in such ideas... which is to say I have no hope to create something like this. Great work.

 

[Nephilim_Anunnaki]

I more or less like a game as long as she takes her cloths off and will multiple choice her out of them till I get what I want.. more or less like real life.. It's all fun and games.. and then she is naked and you think hmm impregnate her or use a condom

I wish I could make a game like you awesome people, but I lack both programing and artistic skills and only have time, perverted thoughts, and an above par creativity in such ideas... which is to say I have no hope to create something like this. Great work.

Yes, I dreamt to make my own games but lack of skills and money.

 

[Marnox]

Great game give us more lol

 

[Takeda]

small pieces that do not bind correctly :
1.The choices that you can't select.
2.The puzzle of Julia's personality.
The game is very good even if you are saying that Julia is not well-written character. She confuses her brother which in this case is the player but in the whole this is a small piece. It has something unique her character and maybe too many thoughts are passing through her mind. She was in a platonic love with her brother for a long time and now she has some thoughts confused by the feelings or the "must" which has to follow? Is it just a bipolar type or the frighten blind steps to a situation which she believes it's abnormal ? Is she trying to act offensive for defending her thoughts? It feels like, as she manage to keep her distance in her job she tries the same with her brother and after feeling guilty she turns up loving him even more. With her best friend she looks jealous as one of the first things she says is "stay away from Eva" to her brother the same she says to Eva when she arrives with the jealousy arousing when Eva comments "why not to be with him ?" too pity Eva comments afterwards "the stars do not show a relationship with Leon this year".

I liked it and I wait to see how the story will go on, as when you read a book and you wait what will happen in the next pages. Keep walking the story....

 

[Noir Desir]

Thanks for your feedback! I added the next part, so for now the new part is for people who support my project. The game will be free next Wednesday

 

[yuriluv23]

HI i like your game but i agree with the majority because 1) giving people multiple choice which have zero effect is pointless and, 2) i like an erotic game that leaves you guessing on what's going to happen next based upon the background and mannerisms of a character but you have none of that, you just have julia who is a cluster fuck of epic proportions in everything she says and does. But i digress i like the game and it would be alot more captivating and understandable if you gave us some background on her character, or some semblance of her train of thought.

 

[meggymiccy]

I enjoyed it. It is a good brief diversion with hot graphics and some interesting situations. Thanks for your efforts.