[Rejected]Vasrin - Electric Raptors

Preacher

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Title says it all, a race of electrogenic raptor-like people from a perpetually storm covered planet.

I plan to complete this and submit it in stages, to maximize the chances of getting it in-game. Not mention it'll be easier to edit that way. Stage 1 is the enemies(technically one but it's possible to encounter either a male or female), their scenes, their codex and their equipment that occasionally drops from defeating them. Stage 2 will be a TF and stage 3 will include NPC's.

Link's right here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v0PGVsOyU6mYQVdiZZOfYRbhRaT2B7ugljUSY8lU9Ho/edit?usp=sharing

Changelog, updated every couple of days:
2017/06/08: Submitted stage 1.
2017/06/06: Runil is in.
2017/06/04: First stage complete, edits open.
2017/06/02: Female half of loss scene done.
2017/05/28: All victory scenes complete.
2017/05/27: Male [ride him] scene done.
2017/05/24: Modified female oral scene to fit both sexes.
2017/05/23: Male [fuck him] scene done.
2017/05/22: Laid out plans for the future at way bottom, finished the female's victory scenes.
2017/05/20: Female oral scene complete.
2017/05/17: Stage 1 started. Codex, combat, female[fuck her] scene and equipment(more or less) done.
 
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Ethereal Dragon

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Dat race name and my reaction at first lol

th
 

Preacher

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Endwar

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Just finished speed reading the codex and some of the scenes. Pretty interesting, and looking forward to when it's finished. Can anyone say, 'clever girl' *wink wink nudge nudge*:smuggo:
 
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Preacher

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Just finished speed reading the codex and some of the scenes. Pretty interesting, and looking forward to when it's finished. Can anyone say, 'clever girl' *wink wink nudge nudge*:smuggo:
915d61ded67be82a00fa5aa6d4621628.jpg
 

Endwar

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@Preacher
Lol lol lol lol lol! Oh wow I almost forgot Chris Pratt is in a Jurrasic Park movie- oh wait- Jurassic World movie.:D

Still though, some much needed Saurian enemies is welcoming, and the weapon's and perks they offer sounds equally exhilarating. How long do you think it will be before its finished? I am definitely enjoying the idea of interacting and beating some Saurians to make new friends with if you get the meaning. ;)
 

Preacher

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@Preacher
Lol lol lol lol lol! Oh wow I almost forgot Chris Pratt is in a Jurrasic Park movie- oh wait- Jurassic World movie.:D

Still though, some much needed Saurian enemies is welcoming, and the weapon's and perks they offer sounds equally exhilarating. How long do you think it will be before its finished? I am definitely enjoying the idea of interacting and beating some Saurians to make new friends with if you get the meaning. ;)
Mmmm... at minimum for the first stage 3 weeks, if I don't slow down or speed up. The latter of which I always do on weekends as I have work during the week so it might actually be 2 weeks if I'm motivated enough on the weekends. As many writers would know, you can't just throw up on paper/the screen and expect it to be good.

7 scenes(5 victory(1 for female and 4 for male), 2 loss(one for the male and one for the female)) left of which each get completed on a 3 day average and then a period of final editing which, depending on my free time conditions, would have a final submission date between 2 and a 1/2 weeks from now or 3 and a 1/2 weeks from now. That's for the first stage.

I don't think the TF stage will take more than a week and a half once it's started, unless I run into some complications.

The NPC's stage will likely take as long as the current stage if not longer. NPC's are a bit more complicated to do right than random encounters. Not to mention it's going to be two of them, I wonder if I should allow a threesome to be possible between the two of them. As the old saying goes, incest is wincest. Anyway, it would certainly make them stand out a bit more.

Edit: female oral scene should be done before I go to sleep today, it's morning btw so give it about a dozen hours before checking the doc.
 
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Xeivous

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Well this race looks like a ton of fun. I'd ask about possibilities for it being a starting half breed but I can't remember if I ever saw anything about that process from the devs. Mixing the TF with stuff would probably be fun at least.
 
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Preacher

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Well this race looks like a ton of fun. I'd ask about possibilities for it being a starting half breed but I can't remember if I ever saw anything about that process from the devs. Mixing the TF with stuff would probably be fun at least.

Someone wanting them to be a starting race half-breed? Wow, I'm honored. What exactly do you think a half breed vasrin/human will look like? Everything except the scales, antennae, curving neck and muzzle? Or are we talking about raptor jesus here? It'll loop back to my decision anyhow if this happens but I'd like to see different view/opinions and then possibly modify mine accordingly. And possibly the option to choose whether or not the pc wants to be a first set or second set sexed half vasrin as well. Now that I think about it, maybe there needs to be an intermediate step before you get the muzzle. Like a flat faced, slit nostril reptilian face where you need to take one again before you get the muzzle and neck.

Anyway, updates up above. I imagine I'll just copy/paste the oral scene and modify it to suit the male's oral scene. At least have one similar scene that everyone can use between the two to justify the same enemy resulting in two different sex menus. I'm surprised so few mistakes have been pointed out so far, I'm usually bombarded with stuff. Oh well, ride the wave of innocence from mistakes for as long as you can.
 

TackyShadowGoer

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Someone wanting them to be a starting race half-breed? Wow, I'm honored. What exactly do you think a half breed vasrin/human will look like? Everything except the scales, antennae, curving neck and muzzle? Or are we talking about raptor jesus here? It'll loop back to my decision anyhow if this happens but I'd like to see different view/opinions and then possibly modify mine accordingly. And possibly the option to choose whether or not the pc wants to be a first set or second set sexed half vasrin as well. Now that I think about it, maybe there needs to be an intermediate step before you get the muzzle. Like a flat faced, slit nostril reptilian face where you need to take one again before you get
I would think a half-breed would still have scales and antennae. Maybe sharp teeth without the muzzle? Human like face but more angular. It's like a step before getting a muzzle from the tf.
 

Xeivous

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Someone wanting them to be a starting race half-breed? Wow, I'm honored. What exactly do you think a half breed vasrin/human will look like? Everything except the scales, antennae, curving neck and muzzle? Or are we talking about raptor jesus here? It'll loop back to my decision anyhow if this happens but I'd like to see different view/opinions and then possibly modify mine accordingly. And possibly the option to choose whether or not the pc wants to be a first set or second set sexed half vasrin as well. Now that I think about it, maybe there needs to be an intermediate step before you get the muzzle. Like a flat faced, slit nostril reptilian face where you need to take one again before you get the muzzle and neck.

Anyway, updates up above. I imagine I'll just copy/paste the oral scene and modify it to suit the male's oral scene. At least have one similar scene that everyone can use between the two to justify the same enemy resulting in two different sex menus. I'm surprised so few mistakes have been pointed out so far, I'm usually bombarded with stuff. Oh well, ride the wave of innocence from mistakes for as long as you can.
The Gryvain are probably your best comparison as far as starter races go, though it should be fairly obvious that the PC is a halfbreed of whatever their mother was. So maybe keep the antennae and maybe go for partial scales? Also look at how the game tracks racial scores?

Also I made some suggestions and pointed out some of the times you forget to capitalize "Varsin" before realizing you forgot a bajillion times and got tired of pointing every example out.
 

Preacher

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I would think a half-breed would still have scales and antennae. Maybe sharp teeth without the muzzle? Human like face but more angular. It's like a step before getting a muzzle from the tf.
So effectively a human but with scales, antennae, two instead of four reptilian eyes, tail, maybe raptor legs, Vasrin genitals and a scarier face? Sounds plausible, if not applicable.

The Gryvain are probably your best comparison as far as starter races go, though it should be fairly obvious that the PC is a halfbreed of whatever their mother was. So maybe keep the antennae and maybe go for partial scales? Also look at how the game tracks racial scores?

Also I made some suggestions and pointed out some of the times you forget to capitalize "Varsin" before realizing you forgot a bajillion times and got tired of pointing every example out.
Partial scales being on forearms, half of the legs, tail and possibly some on face sounds like it could work. Varsin? Vasrin. Details, details, anyway thanks for the suggestions. The non caps were essentially allowing me to write faster though, oh well.
Antenae, arms, legs, genitals, tail. The option between first or second set would be icing on the cake.
I'll see what can be done once it gets to that stage, if the devs allow it to get to that stage.
 
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Preacher

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And that's the female victory scenes done, her scene slightly changed its focus but otherwise it's the same as what I originally planned it would be. If anyone wants to check them out there are some plans for the far future at way bottom of doc.
 
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Preacher

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Man am I on fire lately, the first male scene is done, a day after the last update no less.

It's always been weird for me to write things regarding the screwing of males but it is improving, maybe it's because I'm a man too but it doesn't really make sense as I'm a jack of all trades kind of guy. Except for a few lines I won't cross, but anyway I'm chalking it up to lack of equivalent to females experience.
 

Preacher

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It's not much but the female's oral scene has been modified to fit with both sexes.
 
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thaumx

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This is a pretty cool idea, I really like all the detail that went into creating them, with all sorts of alien aspects in biology, reproduction, society, and culture. Really makes them seem "real" instead of being tacked-on.

Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to reading the sections after the codex entry when I get the chance.
 

Preacher

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Another male scene done.

I've worked through midnight to write the last bit and post this so there might be some mistakes at the end, still riding a wave of innocence here though.
 
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Preacher

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And that's everything victory related complete.

I wonder if I should make preg content for the enemies at this point, it'll extend the final submission date but it might be worth it.
 

Preacher

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There's always expansions if you don't wanna do it right now
You're right, It'll happen at some point anyway. Even if I don't do it someone's bound to do it, the preg fetish is strong with this fanbase.
 

Preacher

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A half of the loss scene is done, mainly the female half.

Sorry it took so long for an update, I had work to do and I rediscovered dark souls so I've been a little distracted.
 

Preacher

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The first stage of the Vasrin doc is complete, I'm holding off on putting in the single paragraphs(they do exist, just not in doc) to modify the gear until the specific as to how it's going to be done becomes clear(either Anno or a shady mechanic). Edits open through suggestions.
 
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BurritoKing

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Absolutely no idea how you thought of electric raptors, but you've done an impressive amount of work that is all really good. Amazing job! Can't wait for the rest.
 
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Preacher

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Absolutely no idea how you thought of electric raptors, but you've done an impressive amount of work that is all really good. Amazing job! Can't wait for the rest.
It was banging around in my head for a while, first they were serpents, then salamanders, then bats.

Eventually I decided on raptors and posted the idea in the ideas thread, haven't looked back since.

I've decided I'm going to add the weapon modding npc rather than asking Savin for Anno permissions, I doubt I'll be able to stick with his style anyway. It should be available soon, +/- 10 hours.
 

Preacher

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I've completely forgotten that I've already added the bastard, well, that's that then.

Runil is in, If this gets in he should be a nice place for people to drop their weapon modifications on.
 
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