Graves
This is a project I've been working on for a bit, and the first thing I've ever really done to be quite honest. Details are in the doc and I'd really like some feedback!
[Rejected/going through reworking] Graves, an Ausar Merc
- Thread starter Freed85
- Start date
Finished up some final editing passes, now to wait till the contest is over, scored, and implemented then I'll get Graves submitted.
Edit: Screw it I'm just gonna send it in.
Edit: Screw it I'm just gonna send it in.
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You're probably not wrong about that but considering it takes sometime for things to get reviewed it probably wont change too much, either way what is done is done no going back now.
Still working on Graves even though he's been submitted added a mid-day bar encounter and I'm currently working on another sex scene in a separate doc for now, since it's turning out a bit longer than I was expecting when I started it should be done in a few days with how progress is going. As per the usual leave a comment or some edits if you'd like.
I haven't read it yet, buy I hope it'll get implemented, Tarkus desperatelly needs some content, it's quite bare after you collect probe and recruit Anno
Alright got the 4th sex scene done, probably needs some edits and touch ups but it's there. I may have some more ideas for random encounters or something in the bar down the line but this is as done as Graves is going to be for now. Hopefully y'all can enjoy my attempts at an NPC, leave some edits if needed and see ya with my next project.
Touched up the sex scenes a little bit in a few places, added something to his mid-day bar encounter on Tarkus where you head back to his place, and even gave Graves a first name that comes up the first time you talk to him but is never used again: Anton!
Fen reviewed Graves today and sadly rejected him do to the following:
And honestly I gotta agree, so i'll be trying to rework him, probably gut some of the crazier stuff, and try again.
Upon review, I'll have to reject it for now:
- Grammar is a bit off, and much of it feels stilted. Needs some real editing polish to be where I'd like it.
- Megas XLR reference is too on the nose to live outside of silly mode.
- Mechs that can spontaneously attain sapience are a no-go in this sort of circumstance. No company would design something that is known to just randomly attain sapience. And anything that did achieve such a feat despite all odds should probably be explored in a more in-depth manner than as a background throwaway gag character. Not digging it.