Oma Snake Squeeze [Submitted]

[RoaringTides]

Savin's post said I should write in Arial 11, but I'm writing in Arial 12 because I'm a dirty little slu it's what I'm used to. I'll change it if I have to.

This scene involves Oma, the magical genie from the lamp! Our good friend [pc.name] asks Oma to transform into a half-snake woman and squish them hard, all while fucking them half to death with a big ol' peen. I've never written anything for anyone but myself, so I'm sure there are a lot of problems with this (I'm the worst when it comes to comma splices please don't judge). That's why I'm posting it here first!

All feedback is appreciated! Please be nice though; I have the constitution of a sickly Victorian era child with an unspecified wasting disease.

Oma Snake Squeeze

 

[Ace Hangman]

I read through it. I don't think I found a single typo. Just some punctuation stuff, mostly commas. Very solid sex scene. I am not into the peens myself, but it was good.

If you wanted more work, I would say there could have been a little more body action from her besides tail and snake-wang. Some touching or squeezing or caresses with her hands and arms (I know most of Champ is wrapped), or even some light kissing or breathing on cheeks or neck (or a surprise, little flickering snake tongue she manifests, if only for a moment, to flicker ticklishly across Champ's skin/scales). Or tease/tickle their butthole with the tip of her tail if they're getting vaginally taken, maybe the bottom of their feet if their tush is occupied.

Or she got tits! 'Perfect C-cup breasts' that get mentioned once when the scene starts. You could find a spot where she's crushing Champ against her to have those perky mounds squish into their [pc.chest]. Could even do a [pc.isMilky] and have them spurt some [pc.milkType] on her tits and down their bellies. (I probably wouldn't go into checking pregnancy ranges, I don't think anyone wants to consider there being a baby in the tummy getting squeezed as sexy, so let's just not even bring that up).

I guess if there was a good [silly] moment, she could suddenly whap the Champ with a pillow when they start to fuzz out a little.

There might be some potential for checking for multicocks on some Champs might work too, basically just changing 'cock' to 'cocks', but I think it's solid enough to stand on its own, and that would really only be polishing and covering bases for some readers.

But that's all just personal stuff and opinions.

 

[RoaringTides]

I read through it. I don't think I found a single typo. Just some punctuation stuff, mostly commas. Very solid sex scene. I am not into the peens myself, but it was good.

If you wanted more work, I would say there could have been a little more body action from her besides tail and snake-wang. Some touching or squeezing or caresses with her hands and arms (I know most of Champ is wrapped), or even some light kissing or breathing on cheeks or neck (or a surprise, little flickering snake tongue she manifests, if only few a moment, to flicker ticklishly across Champ's skin/scales). But that's all just personal stuff and opinions.

I guess if there was a good [silly] moment, she could suddenly whap the Champ with a pillow when they start to fuzz out a little.

Thank you so much! I think you might be my favorite person ever right now. I'll go through the comments in a little bit and give them a proper examination, but at a glance it looks like you were very thorough and I honestly can't thank you enough.

 

[valk42]

nice, love it