Pilot Episode #1 – Every Girl Needs a Robot
Starring: Ana Douglass
Introducing: U.M.A. UQL=42
Location: Bosti in the Cygni System
Producer: Essi
Before Ana could even think of dealing with the mountain of questions she had, which were probably all answered in the contract she hadn’t bothered to read, she needed a quick wank to clear her mind. As it
stood, she couldn’t focus for more than a few seconds without her thoughts drifting back to Essi.
She found what appeared to be a spa aboard her ship, replete with ferns, soft music, a couple water features, and pleasant white light from the domed ceiling. Along the walls were shower stalls, or pods to be more accurate. She stepped into the first one she came to and a bright holographic display appeared in front of her giving her options for things to be bathed in. Most of the list was marked in read and blocked from access—deadly to humans being the reason listed after each item. No liquid argon shower for her. She selected water and dialed the temperature to low triple digits. She reveled in the shock of heat and tinge of pain that came with going straight into an overly heated shower. It woke up her skin and jolted her mind. Water came from the ceiling but also the floor, somehow flowing up and down on her at the same time. She marveled at the dual streams until she noticed she’d begun floating perfectly suspended in the middle of the pod.
Delighted by the loss of gravity, she did a few twirls and flips through the water, laughing all the way through. She’d always loved showering—showering without gravity was even better.
A few ports opened along the wall at about chest level. She pushed the button on the first one and dodged out of the way just in time to avoid a stream of something bright pink and viscous. It smelled of cotton candy and began orbiting her like the rings of Saturn. She touched one of the floating orbs of the pink liquid and found it was slippery, very slippery and a little warm. The water droplets bounced off the pink blob—hydrophobic, interesting. She was planning to use spit, but…
She squeezed the glob in her hand and guided her newly slick palm down to her rigid, now purple, cock. The first stroke was too much and she had to let go of herself to catch her breath. Whatever was in the pink stuff made her nerves dance. She tried again, this time with even lighter pressure—same result. Tingles shot across her body, emanating out from her now throbbing dick and every hair on her body stood on end.
“Okay, not going to work,” she muttered to herself. “…or will it?”
A fiendish notion popped into her head. She moved the pink lube up from her hand onto her index and middle finger. Getting her legs spread and her back reclined in zero gravity was far easier than she expected. The hot water poured up from the floor across her back and down from the ceiling onto her breasts.
Her fingers slid so easily into her ass and it felt so good she gasped from the initial sensation that typically caused a bit of a teeth clench. She rolled them around at first, simply enjoying the sensation of how slippery her fingers were and how the lube made her tingle all the way through to her stomach. When she curled them around to find her button, the trans girl g-spot, she couldn’t keep her focus anymore. Her eyes glassed over, her brain knew only pleasure, and she rubbed back and forth with an animalistic urgency until her turgid purple dick pulsed and sprayed a stream of almost iridescent white into the antigravity field, then another, and then a smattering of droplets. Everything felt so good, from the fingers in her ass to the water on her skin, that she could only think of the shower as pure bliss. She sucked in a passing droplet of her own cum to taste the salty, distinctive flavor and even enjoyed that act more than she typically did.
Once her head was reasonably clear of naughty thoughts, it took her awhile to figure out the rest of the ports on the side of the shower even did. There were at least four or five that she didn’t have a clue what was shooting out of them or what she was meant to do with the stuff. She puzzled out soap, shampoo, and what she really hoped was conditioner, along with something that removed body hair, but not head hair. That one smelled like blueberries, which she liked, and it didn’t hurt like shaving, waxing, or depilatory creams, which she loved!
She got out of the shower, stepping from the zero gravity feed daintily onto the tile floor like she’d done it a thousand times. Clean, smooth, and momentarily sexually satisfied, she wandered around the ship naked to dry off while she searched for clothes. At one point in the shower she’d had the vague sensation that the ship might be moving, but it was so subtle and her mind was still so scrambled by her anal orgasm, that she chalked it up to her post-climax daze.
Eventually she found a closet, picked out a silky red dress with black polka dots and a matching set of pump. She considered looking for a gaff to tuck with, but then realized everyone already knew what she was packing. Her audience, Essi, and basically everyone she would interact with knew about her dick—hell it might even have been the reason they tuned in. Hiding what she was might actually hurt her ratings.
Even still, she wasn’t going to free ball; she was still a lady…kind of, sort of, not really. She found some lacy black boy shorts and pulled those on. The dress hugged her curves, cradled her breasts like it was form-fitted to them, and flared out in a cute little flip at the base around her knees. The pumps were actually comfortable. She’d just taken a zero gravity shower after being turned purple by an alien with a mouth like a black hole and somehow the most magical thing to happen to her that day were the shoes. She could live in those 4” heels and love every second of it, which shouldn’t have been physically possible.
She ruffled out her nearly dry hair and headed deeper into the ship to find some sign of what she was meant to do next. She nearly collided with a floating orb outside the door to her cavernous walk-in closet. It was roughly the size of a basketball and perfectly smooth. It actually looked a little like the floating pink glob of lube from earlier and she started to get a little turned on just thinking about it.
“Purple Infinity is proud to present Ana Douglass of the inter-dimensional vessel Shining Dreamer,” the pink orb said in a monotone, androgynous voice, ripples flowing across its surface with every word. “Speak tagline at pulse.” The orb pulsed once with a faint white light.
“I don’t watch out for fun,” Ana said. “Fun watches out for me!” She was about to ask for another take, not remotely satisfied with her first attempt at a tagline.
“Tagline accepted.” The orb floated down the hallway at a casual walking pace.
Ana followed, trying to look camera ready and fierce, although she wasn’t sure if she was still being recorded or broadcast or whatever the hell the orb was doing. The hallway curved very slowly to the right. Her heels clacked along the floor that looked like marble tile but with glowing purple lines running through the white instead of the usual black.
Eventually the orb led her to what appeared to be the ship’s cockpit. An oval window roughly the size and convex shape of an IMAX theater screen greeted her with space looming on the other side.
“Whoa, shit,” Ana murmured.
The rest of the room was set up largely like planetarium viewing section with seats that all reclined maybe a little too far up the face of a steeply pitched floor. The white and purple theme of the vessel persisted throughout.
“Does the vastness of space cause you to have human emotions?” the orb asked her in the same flat voice that was neither masculine nor feminine.
Ana snapped out of her stunned state and tried to get back to her TV persona. “I’m in awe,” she said with a little shrug to show she wasn’t that awed. “It’s a magnificent view. Humans like those.”
“Sit in designated seat,” the orb demanded, floating toward the largest of the odd recliners.
Ana walked over toward it and gingerly sat, expecting the weird leaned back position to be difficult to maintain considering it was pointed mostly at the huge window on the front of the room. Instead she found herself settling in nicely as if gravity was moved behind the chair by the mere act of sitting in it.
“The Shining Dreamer is a luxury class inter-dimensional vessel capable of space-time continuum folds of…” the orb explained the capabilities and other technical aspects of her new ship while Ana kind of tuned out.
There was a cool holographic display of her ship to go along with the introduction. It looked a little like a watermelon with two sets of backward swept wings, the front wings being twice as large and set a little higher than the rear two. Ana assumed the big nodule on the front was her cockpit.
“Every girl needs a robot,” the orb said, drawing Ana’s attention back to it with a sentence that actually made sense to her.
“Yes, to assist me in…all the things I’m going to do,” she said.
“Correct, which is why we’ve sent Ana Douglass to the Cygni system and the most advanced robotics engineers in known space for this dimension so she can meet her new companion and assistant: U.M.A. UQL=42.”
“Uma?”
“Unshackled Mobile Automaton,” the orb stated.
“Right! I’ll need one of those.” She understood mobile and maybe unshackled.
Ana followed the pink orb into another hallway, through a door, and right into a tube filled with robot hornets about the size of woodpeckers.
“What the fuck, shit, hell, ass are those?!” Ana asked, bonking the back of her head on the floating pink orb while trying to escape back to her ship.
The tube she was in was perfectly round, barely tall enough for her to stand in, and made of unbelievably shiny ceramic or porcelain or something white and not-metallic. The robot hornets, which all had disturbingly human faces, stopped what they were doing, which hadn’t remotely involved her, to raise an eyebrow at her outburst before continuing along on their business up and down the tube, into little portals that opened before them and closed behind.
“Ah, you must be the famous Ms Douglass,” a slightly larger, slightly bluer hornet said in a tinny voice when he flew up to her. “I am Grand Builder Yiz.”
It’s a show. It’s all a show. These things might be Frank Oz puppets for all I know, she thought, trying to calm herself for the camera. She’d watched television her whole life and dreamed about being on it for nearly the entirety of that. She could roll with the punches of a robot hornet named Yiz. She was Ana Fucking Douglass, after all, and that meant she was a Goddess!
“It’s so lovely to meet you, Grand Builder Yiz,” she replied. “I’m here to…um…buy or pick up or something an U.M.A. unit.”
“Your order is complete and ready for delivery,” Grand Builder Yiz said, giving a mock tip of his cap. She just noticed the little bowler cap he was wearing, or maybe it was part of his head since he didn’t actually doff it. “If you’ll simply follow me.”
Ana struggled to walk in the tunnel and cursed her heels, which were comfortable, but still really difficult to walk down a slippery tube in. The metal hornets buzzing by in rows and formations dodged her easily, even when she had to stabilize herself with a hand on the walls or ceiling. Eventually she came to a spherical room bisected with a translucent membrane that slid up to the exact level of the tube she stood in. She took a tentative step onto the watery looking membrane when Grand Builder Yiz waved her forward. The membrane hardened to a milky opaque circle beneath her foot wherever she stepped.
“Here is your personalized U.M.A.,” Grand Builder Yiz declared, waiving his tiny arms to the floor.
A human figure drew up from the depths, blorped through the membrane, and came to stand directly in front of Ana. The figure was about 5’4”, made of a faintly blue, sparkling plastic or metal or something not exactly skin-like, and looked exactly like…
“That’s Rachel Roberts,” Ana said.
“Yes! The show’s producer said you would recognize her!” Grand Build Yiz declared, clasping his tiny bug hands together.
Rachel Roberts was a big tits, big ass, big hair solo photographs only nude model from the mid 2000s who had died of a combination overdose and car crash. Ana had a monster schoolgirl crush on her back in high school and was devastated when she died. Of course she’d never met the real Rachel Roberts, but she’d know her face and body anywhere. The U.M.A. unit had nearly identical features to what Ana remembered of Ms Roberts, both body shape and facial features, but the hair was wrong. Rachel had rail-straight, shoulder length, chocolate brown hair while the robot’s was wavy, pink, and very long.
Ana walked cautiously around the U.M.A., giving her a close and wary inspection. She nearly jumped out of her skin when the robot snapped her head to follow and smiled at her.
“Hello, Ana,” Uma said in a faint Australian accent fully reminiscent of Rachel Roberts.
“Hi, Uma,” Ana said, wondering how many heart attacks she’d have to endure for the show to succeed.
“I am programmed with the full contract of the show since Essi stated you preferred hearing the details of what you’ve signed from an attractive woman,” Uma said. “Is that still correct?”
“It is.” Ana could barely believe how uncanny her voice and mannerisms were to Rachel Roberts.
“Excellent!” Uma said. “Shall we be off?” She didn’t wait for an answer, walking resolutely, and quite nakedly, toward the tunnel Ana had arrived through.
“Don’t you need clothes or something?” Ana asked.
“Do you want to me to wear clothes?” Uma looked back over her shoulder and winked.
“No, no, I guess I don’t.” Ana found herself leering animalistically at Uma’s curvaceous backside and the adorable twin dimples above her cheeks.
“Enjoy the finest work the Cygni…” Grand Builder Yiz’s voice faded behind Ana as she followed Uma into the tunnel and stopped paying attention to him.
“What else can you do?” Ana asked while she struggled to keep up with Uma.
“My primary functions are to make you happy, to keep you safe, and to ensure the success of Purple Infinity,” Uma said. “To that end, I can do almost anything you require.”
“Does that mean…?”
“It means, to steal a phrase from one of your favorite movies, you can put it anywhere.”
Ana nearly fell over. Uma was instantly there to hold her up in a surprisingly strong, yet caring embrace. “Yeah, I really like Cruel Intentions,” Ana said.
“We can watch it together, if you like,” Uma said.
“I would like that.” Ana regained her footing and they resumed their walk.
“Would you like me to blow you while we do so?” Uma offered.
Ana nearly fell over again.
“Your shoes are impractical,” Uma said, once again catching her. “But they make your legs look amazing,” she added in a sultry whisper.
Rather than let Ana continuously fall over, Uma scooped her up and carried her like a new bride across the bedroom threshold all the way down the tunnel and back to the ship.
“I wasn’t kidding about blowing you,” Uma said.
“I didn’t think you were,” Ana replied, thoroughly enjoying the sensation of being carried especially with Uma’s double Ds right in her face. “Were you kidding about putting it anywhere?”
Uma smiled. “I was not.”
Apparently the ship came with a higher than high definition viewing screen and an inter-dimensional, intergalactic version of Netflix on steroids, so coming up with Cruel Intentions wasn’t a problem—finding one that didn’t star fish people or sentient robots attempting to solve world hunger through sex-games was a little harder. Uma sorted the movie out, informed Ana that the dimension they were both from was designated UQL=42. Ana quickly committed the designation to memory so she could finish watching the latest season of Southern Charm and then just as quickly forgot it when Uma knelt before her to flip up her skirt and pull down her panties.
Ana stepped out of the panties, but kept her high heels on. In her experience, they would help in what she was about to do with Uma. A sharp gasp caught in Ana’s throat as Uma’s mouth, tongue, and then throat made a pass all the way down her rigid cock, back up, and then once more. When her throbbing dick emerged from Uma’s lips, it was coated in what looked and felt like a ridiculously slippery lube.
Rather than let Ana waste too much time marveling at her own cock, Uma stood and kissed her hard, their tongues met, Uma’s hand pumped Ana’s slippery dick three times, and then she pulled away leaving Ana’s lips tingling, her heart racing, and her cock in desperate need of being shoved somewhere tight and inviting.
Uma bent over the back of the purple and white couch in front of the view screen so they could both still watch the movie during the promised act. Ana placed her hands, one to each round, supple cheek, and spread them apart to let her lubed dick slide between them over and over. Uma let out a few ragged moans through the process, her back arching and her toes straining against the floor to lift her ass higher.
“Do I…?” Ana began, thinking she might offer to loosen Uma up with her fingers or tongue.
“You need to fuck me, now!” Uma said.
That was more than enough to put the spurs to Ana and on the next pass between Uma’s cheeks, she shifted her angle and slowly plunged her dick into Uma’s taut ass. The first couple inches were beyond tight and then the expected pop and ease of tension when the head of her dick fully passed the entrance. Ana and Uma let out twin moans at the same time.
People on cam shows like good camera angles of vigorous fucking, which always looked strange and staged to Ana. What she wanted from Uma was long, slow thrusts capped off by deep, hips-to-cheeks grinding at the top. Ana slid her hands up Uma’s backside to grip her slender waist as she pressed herself fully inside in a slow, lingering motion that allowed them both to savor the sensation.
Once she’d buried herself, Ana slowly worked her hips in a circle to grind and feel every inch of Uma from the inside. Her breathing quickened, her nipples strained at the front of her dress, and she struggled to keep her eyes on the luscious form of Uma’s body bent over the couch. Forget the movie—her world was inside her new friend. Uma let out a satisfied “ah” and then took a deep breath as Ana withdrew at the same luxuriating pace.
The more Ana slid her dick in and out of Uma’s ass, the better the lubricating saliva seemed to work. She sweated through the meditation of pressing all the way inside, grinding against Uma once she was fully buried, and then drawing out again to nearly the cusp. Each time she drew away, Uma’s body trembled and she let out a soft, ragged moan of pleasure.
Ana could feel herself on the cusp, she pressed herself all the way inside and felt herself release. Rather than drawback, she gripped Uma around the waist and rolled her hips fast and hard until she felt every drop of her cum drain into her new companion. Ana rested her forehead on Uma’s shoulder from behind, panting and trembling while Uma continued to grind her supple ass back against Ana’s crotch.
“We missed the second half of the movie,” Uma whispered.
Ana looked up to find the credits rolling well into the caterers and key grips. How long had they been at it? She had lost herself so completely in the act that she couldn’t remember when it even began.
“Can I stay here like this?” Ana asked.
“Draped over my back or inside me?”
“Yes,” Ana said, trying a little too hard to be cute.
“Yes to both, then.” Uma drew Ana’s hand around to her mouth to kiss inside her wrist. “As long as you like.”
“Do robots climax?” Ana asked.
“I experience what you would call an orgasm throughout,” Uma said.
“Wow, that must be nice.”
“It really is,” Uma agreed. “If you’d like, I can simulate singular events to more closely resemble human climaxes.”
“That might be nice sometimes,” Ana said. “I really enjoyed watching the woman you’re inspired by cum.”
Eventually, when Ana had finally returned from the higher plane of ecstasy that sex with Uma had taken her to, they moved around to the front of the couch to cuddle beneath a blanket and watch a different version of Cruel Intentions from a dimension entirely peopled with hyper-intelligent donkey cyborgs who spoke only in haiku. Ana thought the movie lost something when the sexual tension was replaced with electronic braying.
She dozed off with Uma’s head on her chest, only awaking an hour later to a blank screen. Ana tried to remember how to turn it off, but before she could press the button or wave her hand or belch the Alphabet backward or whatever had to be done to shut down the view screen, Essi’s beautiful purple face appeared on the screen.
“Did you enjoy getting to know U.M.A. as much as people enjoyed watching you get to know her?” Essi asked, a smug little smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth.
“She’s wonderful,” Ana said, idly caressing Uma’s arm that was draped across her.
“I’m glad to hear it,” Essi said. “She’ll take good care of you from now on. Enjoy your trip to Biscaydes in dimension GES-786. The me in that dimension runs a resort and is looking forward to meeting you.”
After a flirty wink that left Ana wondering about meeting another Essi, her producer’s face was gone and the view screen powered down. She rested her chin on Uma’s shoulder while she debated staying on the couch to sleep or going back to the bedroom.
“Uma, are you awake?”
“Always, Ana.”
“Do you know what a Ssysrina is? Essi called me that right before I left on this crazy ride.”
“Faenai language is contextual and takes into account body language, personal feelings of the speaker, and very recent events,” Uma said. “Generally, Ssysrina means favorite.”
“Oh, that’s kind of sweet.”
“I watched the pre-pilot sneak preview,” Uma said, giggling slightly. “The way Essi called you Ssysrina she meant you were her favorite fuck ring.”
“That’s less sweet,” Ana said. “Wait, we haven’t really fucked yet. How can I be her favorite?”
“In her mind you have and in your mind you have,” Uma said. “For a Faenai, that equal to any physical act. What she did with you in your heads was also part of the pre-pilot episode.”
“You could see the fantasy she put in my head?” Ana boggled at the concept.
“Of course, and it was super hot,” Uma said. “I wouldn’t mind doing that to you sometime myself.”
“But you’re…”
“A hyper-advanced synthetic entity with almost infinite self-modification capabilities,” Uma said. “I’d show you, but you’re going to need all your energy and then some for Biscaydes and episode 2.”