[delete me - moved to bug] [0.8.151] Suggestion, minor rewrite for better flow

[getmorehen]

“You said you’ve got some experience with the products?” you ask, glancing around at everything from biotic sex-toys to ultra-strong fertility pills. Wonder what a cute cat like her has been getting into.

“You said you’ve got some experience with the products?” you ask, glancing around at everything from biotic sex-toys to ultra-strong fertility pills; wondering what a cute cat like her has been getting into.
(alternatively)
“You said you’ve got some experience with the products?” you ask, glancing around at everything from biotic sex-toys to ultra-strong fertility pills, and wondering what a cute cat like her has been getting into.

 

[DrunkZombie]

My advice is to stick with reporting typos and bugs. Most writers will not appreciate random suggestions to rewrite their work.

If you are interested is doing this some writers will make their WIP public so people can make suggestions. In fact many complain that they do not get enough feedback when they ask.

 

[getmorehen]

Ahh, sorry, perhaps it looked random because I didn't explain properly. The problem is that the two sentences seemed to me to have a kind of jarring transition that pulled me out of the reading. In a primarily text based adventure, this is the rough equivalent of a jarring screen stutter and is, in my estimation, equivalent to a bug/design concern, It is, of course, a minor one that can be ignored, but it's also an area that could be relatively easily improved to increase general polish.

Of course the writers are abosutely free to disregard, disagree, or even decide it's not worth the effort, and I wouldn't feel the least bit put out. And, of course, if they have a different solution, they should absolutely feel free to ignore my suggestions in favor of their own rewrite. I only offer suggestions for 2 reasons:

1) To help illustrate the problem/trouble area
2) I prefer not to voice a concern unless I can at least imagine a possible solution; or it's a severe enough concern that I feel it really does need addressing in a critical sense even if I can't figure out a possible solution (not the case here).