[Completed] The Pumpkin Queen - A Halloweiner Spunktactular Contest Submission

Discussion in 'Event Submissions' started by TFMaster, Oct 12, 2017.

  1. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    I was originally going to put this in the respective contest thread but I am nowhere near done with this and I decided the best way to do this would be to do it in parts with people helping me with the editing process before I move on to the next part as I was never very good at writing essays in school and the doc is probably chock full of punctuation, grammar, and wording errors so please just bear with me on this as this is the first time I've ever done anything like this. Wait... If you require help writing the submission does that not make you eligible for the contest? I hope not since I have a good idea I just need a little help executing it.

    I wasn't even going to write for this contest originally but then this idea just suddenly formed in my head out of nowhere (as ideas are wont to do) and I thought that it would be perfect for this contest. Anyways the idea is for a pumpkin themed Venus Pitcher encounter in the jungles of Mhen-ga located in the area that Venus Pitchers are as a random encounter on and around Halloween. The PC encounters a pumpkin patch in the middle of the jungle and encounters The Pumpkin Queen (working title) a pumpkin themed Venus Pitcher that acts similar yet different to the normal Venus Pitchers.

    Anyways here's the doc.
    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1huTZZN9WUiky7CSRTzDbcBhzxOVNwzoPRz9D9oUUdmI/edit?usp=drivesdk
    Sorry for the format of the document I know that it is very sloppy but this is a rough draft emphasis on rough.
     
    Kirorororo likes this.
  2. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    I suggested a lot of modifications, mainly just to make sure your sentences held well together and to make sure you didn't end up repeating yourself. Keep in mind I might sound a bit severe in the comments and corrections, but it's just to make it clear what the problems are. I'm currently working on my own project but if there has to be a pumpkin lady in TITS, I want to make sure she is as neatly written as possible and as pleasant for players to discover as possible. Let me know when you'll need another review for her sex scenes (if you find this first review to have been useful of course).
     
  3. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2016
    @Kirorororo
    Thanks for the help, and no you didn't come off as too harsh. Its not like you said anything like "you suck at writing you should stop!" or "you suck and your ideas suck!" now granted those examples would be the worst case scenario.

    Someone else had already gone through the doc before you and had suggested some changes already, but the more help the better right? You obviously found stuff that they missed. They told me to rewrite some stuff and I agreed. For example I originally had her breasts look like pumpkins too but they suggested I leave that out since there is such a thing as too much pumpkin, instead they told me to just say her breasts were the size as pumpkins.

    BTW Kirorororo other than the changes that you suggested did you like my idea? What did you think of the future plans section at the end of the doc? Did my future plans sound good to you? Sorry it's just I'd like some feedback on my project, see what people think of it.
     
  4. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    I was also that person who corrected trough the doc before. (because I was the one who left that comment about her breasts being more pumpkins and there being such a thing as too much pumpkin).
    And then once you had it corrected once I saw what I missed or the new things that needed to be changed. XD Not the same name on this thread than my email. Simple mistake. :)

    A pumpkin venus pitcher is a good idea for the Halloweiner. Make sure to add a few sentences explaining why the pumpkin queen decides (or how she comes) to fuck Steele.
    Sowing her seeds in PC ass (you could go for sowing a single huge pumpkin venus pitcher seed intead of the many small ones like with regular venus pitcher. No comment otherwise, it's fine.)
    About having to fertilize the pumpkin queen's seeds, it's an event so it should be simpler because halloween doesn't last long, maybe have her have a way to sow her seeds and fertilize them herself.
    Sending seedlings to nursery: I don't know about that one it'd be the first holliday event to include a pregnancy having keepable children which could be troublesome to code in such a short time.

    You could maybe make the pod you lay be a usable item that has the candy corn dick transformation effect?(kind of like the candy cane on christmas) You see what you prefer and if you have ideas that would make it simple to be implemented go for it.
     
  5. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    Rrrright, silly me! Of course I noticed that it appeared to be the same person commenting again, but I just though it was a glitch or something. That and you posted a reply on my thread after you did the original suggestions so I thought maybe it was a different person.

    I was planning on doing that of course.

    I'll take that into consideration.

    Duly noted.

    Alright maybe I'll make it in a future expansion if this gets in, hopefully it does but you never know.

    That's certainly a possibility but no guarantees.

    Sorry about the excessive quoting I wanted to address each point individually, there might've been an easier way to do that but whatever. Do you think that I am ready to move on to phase two (the sex scenes) yet?

    Edit: Note the edit was just me adding the other stuff I wanted to say since I accidentally hit post reply before I was finished.
     
    #5 TFMaster, Oct 15, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2017
  6. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    You should start the sex scenes indeed. Once you'll have the overall of your project completed, then you see about the little details. Works the same with bigger projects, but since this one must be completed before the 22th, there is no time to waste.
    I lack experience writing those, so I might not be able to help as much as with regular content. I'll still be able to correct thought.

    Also, I realized since we probably don't live in the forum's timezone it messes up the time showed in the thread. I made suggestion during the night, you saw and modified, but the comment I posted in the thread was showing 4 am (when posted at midnight) then you maybe assumed it was for the suggestions I made at 8 in the morning, thus meaning for you there was an ''other person'' that modified it the night before. (Just another theory way more complicated to explain than it really is.)
     
  7. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    Well I'm not that great at writing sex scenes the last time I wrote a sex scene it was a simple (barebones really) forced blowjob combat loss scene, that was for another game though which is dead now. i lost contact with the creator who I was working very closely with on the game. I figured that he could use the help since it was a solo operation so I offered to help with it. I helped out with spell checking, (dude was French so English wasn't his first language) play testing, and content creating. Not sure why I told you all that you probably don't want to hear about my history writing for games. I have a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do with the sex scene so it shouldn't be too bad.
     
  8. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    Yeah, I'm a french canadian, but I get by using google doc and writing fancy stuff.
    P.S. I'm not so good at creating content from the blue but if I see what has to be written (basically if it's already written but not right or not at its best) I can do a pretty good job refining it.
    P.P.S. I love to brag about stuff, so if you need help when you are done, I'll very likely give you a hand.
     
  9. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    4 days left, better get writting those if you want to be on time for halloween!
     
  10. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    Sorry I've been busy lately. I'll try to work on it later today even if I have to stay up to do it. I guess I could start on it now, maybe.
     
  11. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    Okay well I finally got the sex scene written. I also slightly modified the introduction changing it so that instead of legs The Pumpkin Queen has a vine like stalk. I also removed the choice when responding to her question between exploring and fun because I didn't really like it. Still need to write pregnancy content but that shouldn't take too long especially if I "borrow" some of the venus pitcher pregnancy content.
     
  12. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    Okay I just finished writing the pregnancy content as well as the content for returning to the pumpkin patch just need somebody @Kirorororo to review it then I'll port this over to the main contest thread. Oh and thanks for all of your help Kirorororo!
     
    Kirorororo likes this.
  13. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    I need you to agree on the changes I made so I can do the second encounter sex scene properly with the parser. Making you a surprise with that one. (cuz right now if I copy paste I get the text I suggested to delete.)

    Once you're done, I'll add the second sex scene (moddifying it from the first one) so don't post it in the submission right when you're finished with it.
     
    #13 Kirorororo, Oct 20, 2017 at 9:32 PM
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2017 at 9:58 PM
  14. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    @Kirorororo
    Okay I finally got around to approving your changes, sorry about the delay but I was at work and I just now had the time to review it since it is my lunch (technically dinner] break. Now you can go ahead and enact your "plan" whatever it may be and thanks once again for all the help I simply can't thank you enough.
     
  15. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    Hey @Kirorororo what did you mean by the blue colored note you left me? You meant delete the stuff after the blue note right? I left it alone for now because I was unsure. Also what would you say of I added a little something to the scene? Mainly the PC's lips stretching into a permanent O shape, seems like a perfect bimbo thing to add. Okay I'll be going of to work soon just wanted to post this first, won't be able to respond or anything till my lunch break (probably around 12-1 o'clock my time).
     
  16. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    After that note. ok, but don't delete the already existing lip part, I'll fuse them in a way not to vreate any incoherence in the text.
     
  17. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    It's done. You confirm if there is no forgotten thing you can put it into the submissions for halloweiner
     
  18. TFMaster

    TFMaster Well-Known Member

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    Jan 23, 2016
    Alright @Kirorororo I approved your additions and fixed a few spelling mistakes for you. Just to be clear the whole post transformation scene where the PC and Pumpkin Queen were talking like horny barbarians (subtle reference) was intentional right?
     
  19. Kirorororo

    Kirorororo Active Member

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    Oct 6, 2017
    Of course, one last thing, I forgot the 4th ro of Kirorororo on the second line...