[Coded] Verusha a hyena merc

Doots

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Mar 24, 2017
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So people have been telling me to shill my work harder so this is basically that
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V-vsl9Ipa0b_7vTPTAMdaz1j2-80WD8tNiCaUt7JS58/edit?usp=sharing

so the basic idea is that she is going to be a dominant herm hyena of the striped hyena variety
she's originally from Terra but got enslaved eventually escaped and joined a mercenary band
if you have suggestions feel free to comment on the doc and if you spot grammar errors the feel free to point those out.

[16.5] added menu descriptions and first approach
[17.5] added repeat approach and first-time talk attempt
[18.5] added second and third-time talk
[19.5] added the option to grope her bosom and first talk scene regarding her past
[21.5] added the talk option about pirates, tho it mainly regards her slavery but named it as pirates because the conversation previously stopped at the pirates
[24.5] added talk scene about her mercenary work and talking about her body and race
[30.5] added a bunch of fluff before the sexings
[4.6] added anal scene
[8.6] added heat scene (no she won't actually knock you up)
[15.6] added oral scene
[20.6] added rimming scene
[29.6] added a rut scene
 
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Ormael

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Aug 27, 2015
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So far looking good (and that how is my reaction for more than 50% sutff I see first time) so pelase nto make me change my mind about it with more added, ok? ;) (Sorta liked that part she seems be to those few npc that are female herms and not worry about going around topless xD )
 

Doots

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@Pheobrise made some wonderful art of Verusha
Verusha.png
 
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Lkynmbr24

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She looks like a fun lay. :p
 

Doots

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Added a scene for pcs that are in a rut and that can fit inside her
Also, includes an afterward scene in the shower if the pc is interested in getting the dick
 

Doots

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Verusha is now done from the writing side.
Proofreading or opinions are welcome but keep in mind that Vio is handling the editing so that's not the most important thing to look out for.
Keep an eye for if something would need a variant or things like that.
things, in general, that would make the content better and I don't mind making rewrites so don't worry about not expressing your opinions.
 

Captain Kiera

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Jan 29, 2017
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I guess i should come with actual feedback now that Verusha initial content is done, instead of a quick little joke about the art(sorry about that @Pheobrise)
Anyway, the artwork makes her look quite good, I espesially like the detail her stripes and the markings on her left arm. My only gripe would be the amount of cybernetics,( with it being too much to be a cool character trait and yet not enough to tickle the extreme side of my fetish list.) but that would be more your fault @Doots :p.(and of course mine too.)

When it comes to the sex scenes I have some comments on the oral scene. First, the lipstick part is super hot( both her and in the rimming scene) and should definitely make more content like it in the future.(for this character or others) Second, while i love the fact that you did oral knotting,( high on my long list of kinks) i wish it focused a little more on it like one more paragraph and some comments by Verusha. Third, i hope that in the future if you do an expansion pack, Verusha will deliver on her promise to throatfuck Steele.

PS. If this comment does not make it obvious, i've got quite a thing for oral sex.
 
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Doots

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i wish it focused a little more on it like one more paragraph and some comments by Verusha.
well, I did that, kind of.

Verusha will deliver on her promise to throat fuck Steele.
Well, maybe not but never say never. But I have something planned for her expac that might tickle your fancy, a scene where she whores Steele's mouth out to her merc buddies.
 

Doots

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So the first pass is done, but with what happened with Erika I don't feel comfortable submitting this yet, especially since it was a one man effort on Vios part.
So if would be willing to do a second pass or even some editing that would be appreciated.

Grammar is still the most pressing issue regarding her doc, but logistical issues and echoing and sentence flow are still things that are most likely present issues.
 

Freed85

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Aug 31, 2015
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:yes:
I don't understand why but the cybernetics just :gizz:! I'll give the Doc a look if I actually manage to catch anything I'll leave a note on it.

Edit: Got to the first sex chunk where she whispers into your ear and the first thing that came to mind was it could be made a possible Breaking Bad "I'm the one who knocks" reference of "I'm the one who fucks" for silly mode just replace "I'm going to fuck you" with it.

Edit 2: After reading it all I saw was a small spelling error, the rest of it seems just fine and has a good flow to it in my opinion. The scene's where she straight up rejects you, you pretty much get what you deserve especially with Sera if you talk to Verusha.
 
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Doots

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@Freed85 Thanks for taking the time to read the doc I immensely appreciate your effort
I'm still a bit unsure about submitting it to Fen
 

ralanr

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Nov 27, 2015
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Read through it all, I like it. I could complain about her dick being comically oversized but A) Considering CoC, TiTS, and FoE this is basically never an issue, and B) you actually make fun of it somewhere.

Imo it'd also make a bunch of sense if she got a crewmate expansion (which might be idea you can pursue later if you feel like it, after/if she gets implemented). Makes a lot of sense to have an experienced merc as a crewmate.
 

Doots

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Imo it'd also make a bunch of sense if she got a crewmate expansion
I understand the thinking behind that but you have to ask yourself. Why would she become your crew member, what would she have to gain in becoming your crew member?
 
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Krynh

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I understand the thinking behind that but you have to ask yourself. Why would she become your crew member, what would she have to gain in becoming your crew member?
Yeah not every character needs to give up their life and become part of Steele's crew. Otherwise it would just make TiTS another harem collection game, which is not as interesting as a world where everyone has a life.
 
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ralanr

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Nov 27, 2015
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I understand the thinking behind that but you have to ask yourself. Why would she become your crew member, what would she have to gain in becoming your crew member?

Fair point. I was thinking more to what Steele benefitted from having her rather than what she benefitted.
 

Woeful Wombat

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Dec 10, 2015
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Went through it once. Looks quite solid. Most of what I found was punctuation, especially around dialogue, but even there not a terrible lot.

As for making her a crewmember; the only way I can see her joining Steele's crew is straight-up being hired. Could be interesting: you'd have to pay her monthly and in turn she stays on your ship and helps you in combat. Wasn't the option to hire mercenaries considered at some point? No clue what became of that.