Bubble's Shorts: Crossgate - Nyo's Journey

[BubbleLord]

Heyo guys =3=/ it has been a while since I did anything beyond my RPing (one day, Jaeger, one day), but with my schedule freed up considerably I figured it was about time to start putting together something special for those out there who might be interested in stories or good reads, along with some special smut in-between.

So here it is, Nyo's Journey. A story focused on the adventures and life of Nyo, as he tries to make something from his horrible life. From being a slave to aiming to become the most successful man alive, he's going to have to get his hands dirty!

It will be released as Chapters, running as long as necessary. It will eventually get a Table of Contents (once it gets longer), as well as supplementary documents for tracking various elements of the story. This isn't a CYOA (despite this), but the input of others will definitely have partial influences over the story.

For those who wonder about the setting, it's based off the setting of Crossgate (AKA Whoremaster) but has been modified both for content modifications (slave rules and gender focus becoming mixed). However, due to the amount of modifications and various other element changes (and based off other threads such as this one) it can be considered original enough to hopefully abide by this board's rules.

So, much like Whoremaster, there's a few things to give a warning for here that may end up appearing in the writing more than once. This also includes general content that some (not most, based on the general audience involved on this forum) should look out for if they dislike it.

• Incest
• Murder/Death (not Guro or the like, as that would be breaking the rules of the forum. Trust me, I'm not a fan of it either. This bullet point is pretty long... but I have to stress that I'm not using this for the sake of that really bizarre fetish)
• Slavery and Prostitution
• Traps/Femboys
• Terrible Puns

As long as you understand these CAN appear, then proceed with caution. We're all adults here, so I don't have much worry that things will be taken out of context.

If you are still interested despite all of the prior warnings, here it is.

Stay posted here for chapter updates =3=/ and any comments left there or on here are appreciated! Happy Day-Early-Easter/Easter!

 

[RanmaChan]

It is an, interesting, story. My suggestion would maybe be to go into more detail about the world itself first, as it sounds somewhat, different. World building is important, and it allows for you to do proper character building. The other thing that is, odd, is how you have written the characters talking to each other; how you space it/where you put it in the paragraph/page. It makes it slightly hard to read. Well, maybe not hard, but, weird. Maybe a little bit annoying. You may want to stick with the tried and true method of writing dialogue. Just a suggestion. Other than that it is an interesting read, and I look forward to seeing where you go with it.

 

[BubbleLord]

It is an, interesting, story. My suggestion would maybe be to go into more detail about the world itself first, as it sounds somewhat, different. World building is important, and it allows for you to do proper character building. The other thing that is, odd, is how you have written the characters talking to each other; how you space it/where you put it in the paragraph/page. It makes it slightly hard to read. Well, maybe not hard, but, weird. Maybe a little bit annoying. You may want to stick with the tried and true method of writing dialogue. Just a suggestion. Other than that it is an interesting read, and I look forward to seeing where you go with it.

This has actually been a writing habit I've picked up in my RPing more recently. It's not to defend it, obviously, but it is to better try and give the reasoning behind its oddity. I've found it tends to match the more rapid-fire manner of most speech, but know that with someone using a smaller device (such as a phone), then it does hinder it.

The entire goal is to try and keep worldbuilding, but this was also the reason the setting's inspiration is linked for those who might want to do more research immediately, versus as the chapters roll out. The biggest thing that will likely happen within the first five parts of the story will be the exploration of what it means to live/be from Crossgate and the slave/whore culture it's built upon. And, of course, the psyche that will be dictating a lot of the thinking behind Nyo.

All said and done: the speech being in the shifting of alignment and short-spacing will be less noticeable as the speech goes from faster, quick-responses to longer and acted out scenes (such as a debate, where one side will talk for a while and be motioning as they do).