So hey, I know what you are probably thinking. The last character in the game that needs another scene is the Bored Jumper. Despite being a (mostly) generic encounter they have more scenes than most NPC's, beaten only by the BIG ones like Kiro, Anno, Syri, or maybe Paige. But it was something I felt inspired to do and I finally put the work into actually writing a full scene, and at the end of the day this was less about getting it into the game as it is about proving (mostly to myself) that I can actually write something decent.
I have wanted to write for the game(s) for a long time, but I just haven't really been able to. This is my first time writing something in a very long time, its my second attempt at writing sexual content, and its the first attempt I have finished.
Having finished it finally after about a week and a half of work, getting done a paragraph a day except some good days I got up to 3 (wow, 3!), I then looked at scenes in the game in a new light and thought "wow, my scene is way too fucking long....". Being concise is something I am fully aware that I struggle with as a writer. In it's raw form it is 6 pages long and I can probably cut more than half of it if I really want to or need to but I figured it is best to drop it on the forum as is so people can get a wider look at my writing and I can get more feedback.
So the actual scene involves the Jumper, having beaten the shit out of you, deciding she wants to get some dick rather than dicking you. She then proceeds to use her genetically superior Rabbit-legs to crouch and piston up and down on the Pc in amazon position. If it wasn't already clear this scene only applies to Pc's with dicks. I tried my hardest to do as much as I could parser related since I want to make a good impression on my first submission, so it says [pc.cock] plenty of times, but not too many times, it references the jumper's fur color, it mentions your [pc.legs] and [pc.ass] a couple times, it mentions your [pc.cum], I even searched the actual parser doc to find [pc.upper/loweroutergarment]. I also then felt obligated to make splits for if the Pc is nude, I added a check for if the Pc has hair. I even wrote 3 different dick length comments at the beginning, and 3 different cum alts at the end. As I said I tried to cram as much into it as I could, but I could not write an alternate of the Pc knotting the Jumper, and I didn't try to write for taurs or nagas. I tried, my best, but I am not William... yet...
Anyway, rambling aside, here is the link to the google doc. I am not at this moment filling out the submission form for Fen to review it and I am gonna go to sleep and decide in the morning whether to submit it and see if he tells me its way too fucking long, or if I should chop it down first. Any notes or critiques would be appreciated and incredibly valuable, and thank you so much for even checking the post and reading this disgustingly large amount of text.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ka2WFM-IWqCGsqy8JVyLPirNaCmzqyCjYzsiH5ue36g/edit?usp=sharing
Edit: The above version has been heavily edited and will likely be much more, so I made a copy of it in its original form for anyone who cares to see that. (I am very happy with the aggressive kissing part I wrote)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1b4YJplyosMowClqJ2EJQ3KUcgtPTodVDy_BGWZEa4ao/edit?usp=sharing
I have wanted to write for the game(s) for a long time, but I just haven't really been able to. This is my first time writing something in a very long time, its my second attempt at writing sexual content, and its the first attempt I have finished.
Having finished it finally after about a week and a half of work, getting done a paragraph a day except some good days I got up to 3 (wow, 3!), I then looked at scenes in the game in a new light and thought "wow, my scene is way too fucking long....". Being concise is something I am fully aware that I struggle with as a writer. In it's raw form it is 6 pages long and I can probably cut more than half of it if I really want to or need to but I figured it is best to drop it on the forum as is so people can get a wider look at my writing and I can get more feedback.
So the actual scene involves the Jumper, having beaten the shit out of you, deciding she wants to get some dick rather than dicking you. She then proceeds to use her genetically superior Rabbit-legs to crouch and piston up and down on the Pc in amazon position. If it wasn't already clear this scene only applies to Pc's with dicks. I tried my hardest to do as much as I could parser related since I want to make a good impression on my first submission, so it says [pc.cock] plenty of times, but not too many times, it references the jumper's fur color, it mentions your [pc.legs] and [pc.ass] a couple times, it mentions your [pc.cum], I even searched the actual parser doc to find [pc.upper/loweroutergarment]. I also then felt obligated to make splits for if the Pc is nude, I added a check for if the Pc has hair. I even wrote 3 different dick length comments at the beginning, and 3 different cum alts at the end. As I said I tried to cram as much into it as I could, but I could not write an alternate of the Pc knotting the Jumper, and I didn't try to write for taurs or nagas. I tried, my best, but I am not William... yet...
Anyway, rambling aside, here is the link to the google doc. I am not at this moment filling out the submission form for Fen to review it and I am gonna go to sleep and decide in the morning whether to submit it and see if he tells me its way too fucking long, or if I should chop it down first. Any notes or critiques would be appreciated and incredibly valuable, and thank you so much for even checking the post and reading this disgustingly large amount of text.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ka2WFM-IWqCGsqy8JVyLPirNaCmzqyCjYzsiH5ue36g/edit?usp=sharing
Edit: The above version has been heavily edited and will likely be much more, so I made a copy of it in its original form for anyone who cares to see that. (I am very happy with the aggressive kissing part I wrote)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1b4YJplyosMowClqJ2EJQ3KUcgtPTodVDy_BGWZEa4ao/edit?usp=sharing
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