2017 XXX-Mas contest Submission compil and ADVICES.

[Kirorororo]

Kirorororo here again!
As you know, the official contest thread by Fenoxo is to post your submissions, meaning any advice you need or request you have should be in this thread.

If one wants to discuss the contest or the submissions or play guess the winner, go to @Zevos 's CHAT.

Here are the TITS's How To and the writing guide

The following are recommended (but not mandatory) for the contest (I'm giving these advices based on the 2017 halloweiner contest)

-A google drive (suggestions openned) document (people don't want to be forced to download your shit to see it and having one same format helps readers). The link you have should allow comments and suggestions (Not be only viewable as this would prevent readers to point any mistake/incoherences and such, but not editable by viewers either for obvious reasons). If that can't be done for x reasons, be ready for a total lack of feedback.

-INSTALL THE SETTING OF YOUR SUBMISSION: Where does it happen? On what planet? In which circumstances can the event be triggered. What are the main fetishes displayed that could turn people on (people need to know the bases). Are there multiple branches to your story and if so what are they? (This'll prevent any confusion regarding path starts and endings) This should take about a page and should be kept updated as you progress through your writing. You don't have to display too much, but at least enough so that we know what you want us to see in your submission.

-Have a Title so people know how to refer to your submission.

-Mark the beggining of every scene with a small title leaving an idea of the content of the scene and marking the changement of the scene. (this helps with path branches and to find a specific scene quickly)

-Make paragraphs, that way people know when you change subject and have visual cues to help them follow your text. A big block of text without paragraph makes for a rapid disinterest in any submission.

-A doc at least 5 pages (less is often not a complete submission). Try not to leave any (Insert that scene here; as that leaves your submission incomplete to readers).

-A doc less than 40 pages (More is ok but @Savin and @Fenoxo might hate you for it or skim through it when they'll be reviewing the submissions, in both cases, your super hard work might not pay off if it's your first submission).

-You can't go wrong with arial size 11 for basic text (smaller makes your submission seem scarily longer and bigger makes it hard to read a word without having to focus on each letter separately)


1-The Candy Rahn/ 9 pages/by @ThereWasanAttempt
2-X-mas gift/ 8 pages/by @KGoblin
3-Frosty's Holidays/ 23 pages/by @B
4-A Nippy, Trippy Christmas/ 37 pages/ @SoAndSo
5-White Holidays on New Texas/ 3 pages/ @EnderMuo
6-A Klaasy Invasion/ 29 pages/by @Annick Nijm
7-A Merry xxxmas and a Happy New Year/ 22 pages/by @luksinatriks
8-The Mistletoe Cabins/ 37 pages/by @N.W.
9-The Anno Christmas Special/ 9 pages/by @HugsAlright
10-Myrna: The Generous Korgonne/ 27 pages/by @Lkynmbr24
11- *insert name*/ 5 pages/by @Kina
12-The Reindeer ship encounter/ 8 pages/by @Ketra
13-Winterfire/ 54 pages/by @Nerezza
14-Santa's Little Fucker/ 9 pages/by @DHeroRedMagma
15-Tis the Season of Giving/ pages 8/by @SekachPrime
16-Meet your Idol/ 45 pages/by @Munkus
17-White Xmas on a Green Planet/ 24 pages/by @wallpaper
18-The Beastwoman's lair/ 3 pages/by @Biscuit
19-Stocking Stuffers/ 32 pages/by @Graye
20-Eggnog at Kally's/ 5 pages/by @iamreek
21-Holly/ 23 pages/by @Puppet88
22-The Gift that Keeps on giving/ 27 pages/by @Sparr
23-*insert name*/ 3 pages/by @A_SArcastic_N7
24-Santa's Little Helper/ 11 pages/by @Vixen_Vaccine
25-Mistlen/ 10 pages/ by @SixteenSheep
26-Mona and Veruca/ 16 pages/by @PagesHigh
27-Ruby the Redhead Reindeer/ 16 pages/by @Sabata101
28-A Feast for a Hero/ 28 pages/by @Spacestalin
29-Holly the Holly-day reindeer/ 17 pages/by @Tetra Yin
30-*insert name*/ 3 pages/by @Mattrimion
31-Kiro decks Kally's Halls/ 12 pages/by @Twin Flare Tails
32-Helping out Sera and Tavros's Station's Christmas/ 15 pages/ by @ribbons
33-Uveto Christmas fair/ 5 pages/by @Cyrus
34-*insert name*/ 6 pages/by @andreiy
35-Rosaelia's seven days of Xmas/ 27 pages/by @Dragonice
36-Lost Elf/ 3 pages/by @Melusine
37-Brandy, fur and love/ 4 pages/by @Andrew G
38-Mintee's Merry Mints/ 13 pages/by @Voldine
39-The Milodan Breeding Solstice/ 21 pages/by @QuestyRobo
40-Christmas shopping with Gwen/ 7 pages/by @Gardeford
41-Throw the dog a bone[r]/ 24 pages/by @flying_moustache
42-Viking Santa Claus/ 15 pages/by @PiratePresident
43-New Year Goo Girl Dream/ 10 pages/by @SheepPun
44-Krystal the Snow Fairy/ 21 pages/by @Jaylee
45-Holly (another one)/ 45 pages/by @Ess
46-InflataBuddy/ 7 pages/by @Durt Dandy
47-The Naughty Sleigh Ride/ 15 pages/by @Rolf-E
48-Santa's Reindeer/ 12 pages/by @Lashcharge
49-A Visit From Randy Claws/ 13 pages/by @Night Trap
50-Illicit Reindeer smuggling/ 7 pages/by @CF2
51-Experiments with Ms.Cloose (P2)/by @Mags
52-The Nightingale/ 5 pages/by @Cloudydayz1120
53-Rudolph the Red Dick Reindeer/ 6 pages/ by @pbj
54-A Taste of Christmas/ 9 pages/by @Darkness
55-Krampusnatch with Krystka/ 15 pages/by @Kuro_K
56-Be on your Mistle Toes/ 6 pages/by @Taizoth_Moros
57-Secret Santa/ 9 pages/by @ZedSeven
58-X-mas with thew Fam/ 10 pages/by @BumblingBee
59-A trip/ 1 page and a paragraph/ Second mini sub by @Gardeford
60-The Lonely Cat/Lewd the Kitty/ 25 pages/by @Xiokir
61-*Insert title*/ 29 pages/by @Artemis118
62-Jellany the Storyteller/ 16 pages/by @JosephThropp

Please verify your link to make sure I put the right link on your submission.

 

[ToonNik]

This might be a bit early but what do you guys think about this: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TYo1WMjoXEV9DTqQqV54cDjaljgRmbS0ScQ2LSYtNaY/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Kirorororo]

@N.W. It seems like an intriguing idea! I'll be looking to see it progress. I left a few comments inside for advices, more personnalised to your submission. Also, I don't know if this would interest you but if you get in an empty cabin, Illarya might just get tempted enough to join your cabin... ;P

 

[ToonNik]

@N.W. It seems like an intriguing idea! I'll be looking to see it progress. I left a few comments inside for advices, more personnalised to your submission. Also, I don't know if this would interest you but if you get in an empty cabin, Illarya might just get tempted enough to join your cabin... ;P

Thank you so much for the feedback; I appreciate it.
I definitely thought about Ilaria joining too. If I have enough time I'll add a scene but for now I'll stick with the excuse that she's too busy with other "customers" to join a cabin herself.
Regarding the "sweetie" thing: I chose "sweetie" over "Steele" etc because in all other dialogue this is the standard name that Ilaria has for the player. I wouldn't want to change her verbal behaviour in my scenes so I stuck with it. Should I still go for a more appropiate address ?

 

[Sparr]

Thank you so much for the feedback; I appreciate it.
I definitely thought about Ilaria joining too. If I have enough time I'll add a scene but for now I'll stick with the excuse that she's too busy with other "customers" to join a cabin herself.
Regarding the "sweetie" thing: I chose "sweetie" over "Steele" etc because in all other dialogue this is the standard name that Ilaria has for the player. I wouldn't want to change her verbal behaviour in my scenes so I stuck with it. Should I still go for a more appropiate address ?

I would suggest using it more sparingly. Although in the text it looks fairly spaced, within the dialog, she says it fairly close to the other time that she said it. A more natural dialogue doesn't use pet names or real names very often when speaking one on one with someone in a chit-chat setting. So I don't think you need to replace it completely but just use it less frequently within the dialogue itself -Or maybe I'm completely wrong but that would be my take on it if my two cents mean much.-

 

[ToonNik]

I would suggest using it more sparingly. Although in the text it looks fairly spaced, within the dialog, she says it fairly close to the other time that she said it. A more natural dialogue doesn't use pet names or real names very often when speaking one on one with someone in a chit-chat setting. So I don't think you need to replace it completely but just use it less frequently within the dialogue itself -Or maybe I'm completely wrong but that would be my take on it if my two cents mean much.-

No, I think you have a point. I'll take you up on that advice and try to be a bit more picky with the placing of the pet names.

 

[Kirorororo]

Basically minimize the use of sweetie (Avoid using it at the end of a sentence.)
For instance: Hey sweetie, how are you doing? is kinda ok but: How are you doing Sweetie? is very bad because the sweetie part is unnecessary.
Also Illarya does use variation to that specific word here and there.

 

[ThereWasanAttempt]

Okay, I built up a short sweet encounter. I haven't had much of a chance to parse it yet but would appreciate any feedback or commentary if I did anything wrong.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RfSXmUyLXHepyhD3ZsfFRlQAPlBIyRbcuHKgqsaJF4A/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Lkynmbr24]

Okay, I built up a short sweet encounter. I haven't had much of a chance to parse it yet but would appreciate any feedback or commentary if I did anything wrong.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RfSXmUyLXHepyhD3ZsfFRlQAPlBIyRbcuHKgqsaJF4A/edit?usp=sharing

From what I briefly skimmed; Omg man, those Christmas sex talk and puns had me busting a gut laughing too hard to fully focus on the hotness of the scenes! That's not a bad thing at all, though I have a feeling some of those definitely should be silly mode stuff! Other than that, I like it from what I saw!

"Deck my halls..." God... that one fucking slayed me. XD

 

[SoAndSo]

I glanced that doc over out of curiosity and for whatever reason I just can't get the phrase 'Merry Crapmas' out of my head since I misread Krampus. Just imagining a really salty Mall-Santa saying 'Merry Crapmas ya prick' to some poor kid, it's killing me.

 

[Xeivous]

I glanced that doc over out of curiosity and for whatever reason I just can't get the phrase 'Merry Crapmas' out of my head since I misread Krampus. Just imagining a really salty Mall-Santa saying 'Merry Crapmas ya prick' to some poor kid, it's killing me.

That sounds like the result one gets when they have their Steele take their ENTIRE brood to a mall santa and they've lost all their patience at a kid who is the some some-odd hundred and somethingth brat with the surname "Steele" to sit on their lap and their cute elf assistant has gone from eye-fucking to actually fucking the person whose fault it is in the bathroom.

 

[CashYuelty]

This is a summary of my work in progress for this event. I'd like to know if anyone is interested, because even w/o coding this is going to be a lot of work to write. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V2nC4NCg1EOeEFql7XcUsqO2vUr7F7SeIuFvvLooD1c/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Kirorororo]

This is a summary of my work in progress for this event. I'd like to know if anyone is interested, because even w/o coding this is going to be a lot of work to write. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V2nC4NCg1EOeEFql7XcUsqO2vUr7F7SeIuFvvLooD1c/edit?usp=sharing

I'll actually recommand you to pick the 4 more feasable ones from the ones you appreciate and to go on from there. The contest ends in 13 days so you don't really have that much time for 12 items.

 

[CashYuelty]

I'll actually recommand you to pick the 4 more feasable ones from the ones you appreciate and to go on from there. The contest ends in 13 days so you don't really have that much time for 12 items.

Good idea. That'll still be a lot of work, but better for both me and whoever ends up doing the coding.

 

[ThereWasanAttempt]

From what I briefly skimmed; Omg man, those Christmas sex talk and puns had me busting a gut laughing too hard to fully focus on the hotness of the scenes! That's not a bad thing at all, though I have a feeling some of those definitely should be silly mode stuff! Other than that, I like it from what I saw!

"Deck my halls..." God... that one fucking slayed me. XD

Thanks! It all kind of came to me as I wrote it, and I ended up throwing it in.

 

[Kirorororo]

Do the difference between giving an advice and joking about the content of a submission please!
Again, if you are asking or giving advices, you're at the right place, but if you want to chit chat or joke without adding anything truly meaningnful, please restrain yourself, you can do it in the chat linked in my first comment. You can also reply and @thenameofthepersonthere so that they get a notif from the chat.
That way if the comment is of lesser importance, it doesn't take too much place here and avoids sending me an urgent notification.

 

[Sabata101]

Just placing this WIP here and seeing what everyone thinks of it so far. The one thing to note is that the Oral, handjob, and anal scenes are still heavy WIP.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_8ZL2CkikpeuGkipZiM8qyMd8aXEV5V5feQDliGuF5E/edit?usp=sharing

 

[Kirorororo]

Just placing this WIP here and seeing what everyone thinks of it so far. The one thing to note is that the Oral, handjob, and anal scenes are still heavy WIP.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_8ZL2CkikpeuGkipZiM8qyMd8aXEV5V5feQDliGuF5E/edit?usp=sharing

A few major things here:
1- TITS happens in the present, the use of the past and future tenses is PROHIBITED in narration of current events, so make sure to fix all of these.
2- Don't use the same words twice in the same sentence...ever. In fact, don't end a sentence with something and start the next with said same thing.
3- Lots of moments where you miss an opportunity to be sexy by using unnappealing words like funbags and testicles.
4- Your grammar and syntax is incorrect more often than not.
5-You're using WAY TOO MANY time locators (generally where there needn't be). (like: after that, then, before, begin or other words that act as such) (also see #10)
6- The separation of your scenes are unclear, change letter size for scene titles or put them in bold, parenthesis are almost invisible to TITS forum reader's eyes
7- Format is overall lacking common skills

I STRONGLY encourage you to see the two official guides linked in the first comment and read them from A to Z. The content isn't a problem but the way you wrote it is a big one.

EDIT:
8-You did double space after all sentences but the writing guides instruct a simple space and no more.
9-It also instructs not to use fancy quotes, see how to turn them off. (you want the " " ones)
10-Avoid having sentences with: blablabla+verb+and+blablabla+verb+and+ blablabla+verb+and+blablabla. No sentences should contain this many verbs and and's.
11-Lots of contradictions and pleonasms
12-Why does Steele knows stuff, ranging from what Ruby's has in her bag, to the exact effect of the mods he shouldn't even know her to have, and without having ever spoke to her about it.
13-Punctiation

 

[Sabata101]

A few major things here:
1- TITS happens in the present, the use of the past and future tenses is PROHIBITED in narration of current events, so make sure to fix all of these.
2- Don't use the same words twice in the same sentence...ever. In fact, don't end a sentence with something and start the next with said same thing.
3- Your use of slang terms (not for sex but for everything else) is so extansive that it's often hard to understand what's happening.
4- Your grammar and syntax is incorrect more often than not.
5-You're using WAY TOO MANY time locators (generally where there needn't be). (like: after that, then, before or other words that act as such)
6- The separation of your scenes are unclear, change letter size for scene titles or put them in bold, parenthesis are almost invisible to TITS forum reader's eyes
7- Format is overall lacking common skills

I STRONGLY encourage you to see the two official guides linked in the first comment and read them from A to Z. The content isn't a problem but the way you wrote it is a big one.

Aaaaaaah, Ok. thanks for the heads up. Currently working on the tense and I'll get to the slang

 

[Ess]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XM2B3yslsaR4JxOr_MHxhXXsWFvJ2MgjMnP3hftWYQ4/edit?usp=sharing

It's nowhere near done, I've got six more days of work planned to bang out all the talk scenes and the sex. Feel free to take a peek and if you notice anything I failed to catch in self-editing, leave a comment.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Okay, I built up a short sweet encounter. I haven't had much of a chance to parse it yet but would appreciate any feedback or commentary if I did anything wrong.

Hey there, I added a bunch of edits to your doc. The work is high quality (and so are the puns), I just fixed some parsers and accounted for different PC types. Hope it helps.

 

[ThereWasanAttempt]

Hey there, I added a bunch of edits to your doc. The work is high quality (and so are the puns), I just fixed some parsers and accounted for different PC types. Hope it helps.

Much obliged! I used all your edits and they really improved it.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Much obliged! I used all your edits and they really improved it.

Happy to help

 

[Munkus]

Good day.

I am interested in the contest and have already written quite a bunch of things.
However, me being a person who is never satisfied with something that allows only one possible way to proceed, i have started to write multiple paths for the christmas thingy.

Turning it from a simple "entry" into something that is almost an event by itself, I think.

So far there is at least one character OUTSIDE the actual event whom you can have intercourse with. In multiple ways. Each one receiving its very own discription.
You can TALK with this side character on multiple topics, BEFORE the actual Christmas thingy starts.

Which involves in the main character of that christmas story to meet with Steele and have a bit of conversation. Sex too, if possible.

The plan for me is so far to bring the time with the Main character on steele's side to something that i could call a "first closure" so there is no opening. And later make that character contact Steele again via email to meet with him again. For a LOT of things that are swirling around in my mind.

My Questions here are:
1. Does this tiny "event" count as a christmas submission? (since it is more an event, than a simply entry)
2. how long do I say the text is, when i am writing multiple different choices. -> i saw that entries that are too long might be kicked out if they are too long. And I do not want to risk my entry being chucked out simply because it has too many spelled out choices to pick from. (have not yet brought it into the shape of the often linked google drive format, will do after i have the completed text)

btw. thanks in advance for the help. This being my first ever entry, I am quite keen to do my best and also a bit nervous about it

 

[wallpaper]

Keep in line timeline and your capacity to get er done. If you can stay focused on writing the main scenes first to give everyone the core idea, fleshed out, that will probably help you the most.

Find ways to hack things down to as simple as possible, either through trial and error on this one, or as a learning process for the next piece.

 

[Munkus]

Ok thanks I will see what i can do and upload a first draft of it asap.

 

[wallpaper]

I'm not sure if this would be helpful, but you could also do some quick research on the average word count in a scene. If your writing for the scene looks like it is going long, look for ways to cut back?

I'm looking at non-fetish sites for other projects, like Wattpad, and it seems like a good limit to aim for is 1000 words or less per "chapter". Could start there?

 

[Information Desk]

So, this is my first (wip)submission, First of all, I'm no good at this- So Any advice or criticism would be great, second I have no idea what it's like from a guys perspective so I'd prefer advice there more than other aspects, Still have to add the naughty routes though.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MnL28Ie8IxFk1Wu3l_9LYqqCjiMGwhm200p22nvu3cM/edit?usp=sharing

 

[GothPastel]

So, this is my first (wip)submission, First of all, I'm no good at this- So Any advice or criticism would be great, second I have no idea what it's like from a guys perspective so I'd prefer advice there more than other aspects, Still have to add the naughty routes though.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MnL28Ie8IxFk1Wu3l_9LYqqCjiMGwhm200p22nvu3cM/edit?usp=sharing

Hey, you'll need to set the doc to allow everyone to comment, nobody can suggest edits right now.

 

[Sparr]

Ugh. I've been staring at this thing for too long. It's not finished but after working on it, I can't even tell if it's any good anymore. Anyone mind telling me if it looks like it would be a good submission for the contest and, of course, and grammatical or tense edits I should make? https://docs.google.com/document/d/11c1hIT1TvZkBnYZPbo_gKEQ9z42FAH92h5eq2qkti4o/edit?usp=sharing