NPC: Sera
Scene: Penis Shrink
Sera lies on her side, hand rested (her) on hip, gazing at you complacently. Oh God... your heart thumps as you look at how much your dick has shrunk.
Problem: change "rested" to present tense "resting" and add missing pronoun "her" to describe who's hip the hand is resting.
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NPC: Page
You tell her that, whether her disability is difficult or not, that she's overcome so many difficulties with it is an inspiration. And, autonomy and independence is always sexy.
Problem: drop the unnecessary period and the capitol A from "And".
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NPC: Botheric Quadomm
You orgasm brilliantly as a particularly large egg is implanted into your womb, the way your limbs are trapped only seeming to make it more intense, your your pussy clamping up and rippling around the indescribably...
Problem 1: extra "Your".
Problem 2: bust missing
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Event: The Kashima Incident
NPC: chief Naykarr (I don't remember the spelling)
You're treated to the sight of a towering leithan woman, with shiny black plates and dark gray skin shrouded by heavy orange- and-white heavy armor.
Problem: Redundant use of the word "heavy" you can drop one or the other.
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NPC: Doctor Vanderbilt
"It would help if I had a raw, safe sample of the parasite(.) If it even is one(.) Or perhaps knew more about where it comes from.
Problem: Replace the first period after parasite with a comma and the second period after "one" with a semicolon ( ; ) and remove the capitol from "Or"
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NPC: Sydian Queen / Raskvel Bois
Scene: Orgy Scene"We'll take good care of her, I swear!"
<"No," the sydian replies sternly. "You have no idea what she even eats. Aside from dick, evidently."
Problem 1: random "<" needs removing.
Problem 2: Rask boi bust missing, this was a fresh install of the game app for Android I installed it several times only to get the same result.
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NPC: Sophora
scene: tarkus ambush opener.
Sophora's booming entrance - leaping through a mountain of debris and scrap - would be impressive if she weren't a crazer predator.
Problem: "Crazer" should be "crazy"
Totally not a typo in Sophora's scene, everything's absolutely perfect. Oh please God don't tell her! I WANT TO LIVE!!!
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NPC: Bored Jumper - Blond
Scene: Oral combat loss
Note: 7 In one scene? Come on Will, ya killing me.
She's a little musky, maybe, laced with a spicy note of alien scent that presume must be her long-stewed body odor.
Problem 1: "presume" should be "presumably"
Problem 2: unnecessary extra comma after maybe.
--
You find your cheeks hollowing and your lips sealing down to suck her a little harder, pulling her a little deeper.Your gag reflex doesn't give you too much trouble this time, though you don't take her the entire way.
Problem 3: needs space after period
--
Meanwhile, the slut-bun's mouth is all over the lower half of your body. She's already seen to licking your thighs, your chiseled six pack, and even brought her maw down to visit your crotch.
Problem: not sure what "seen" is meant to actually be here.
--
NOTE: post can only contain 10 images. No more can be added after this point.
Tears well at the corners of your eyes while she goes balls-deep. At the same time, she kiss your button and breathes it in like oxygen. Her whiskers tickle your belly as she goes wild around the pretty clusty of nerves, tongue vibrating with near-mechanical...
Problem 5: "kiss" needs to be changed to "kisses"
Problem 6: "...pretty clusty of nerves..." I'm sure it's meant to be "cluster" but that whole line dosent sound right to me. But I think that's just me.
---
Salty hardness flexes on your tongue, then in your throat. The horny rabbit's crown balloons as (an) orgasm explodes out of her, spurting thick ropes into your gurgling gut.
Problem 7: add an "an"
Scene: Penis Shrink
Sera lies on her side, hand rested (her) on hip, gazing at you complacently. Oh God... your heart thumps as you look at how much your dick has shrunk.
Problem: change "rested" to present tense "resting" and add missing pronoun "her" to describe who's hip the hand is resting.
---------------
NPC: Page
You tell her that, whether her disability is difficult or not, that she's overcome so many difficulties with it is an inspiration. And, autonomy and independence is always sexy.
Problem: drop the unnecessary period and the capitol A from "And".
-----------
NPC: Botheric Quadomm
You orgasm brilliantly as a particularly large egg is implanted into your womb, the way your limbs are trapped only seeming to make it more intense, your your pussy clamping up and rippling around the indescribably...
Problem 1: extra "Your".
Problem 2: bust missing
-------------
Event: The Kashima Incident
NPC: chief Naykarr (I don't remember the spelling)
You're treated to the sight of a towering leithan woman, with shiny black plates and dark gray skin shrouded by heavy orange- and-white heavy armor.
Problem: Redundant use of the word "heavy" you can drop one or the other.
-----------
NPC: Doctor Vanderbilt
"It would help if I had a raw, safe sample of the parasite(.) If it even is one(.) Or perhaps knew more about where it comes from.
Problem: Replace the first period after parasite with a comma and the second period after "one" with a semicolon ( ; ) and remove the capitol from "Or"
--------------
NPC: Sydian Queen / Raskvel Bois
Scene: Orgy Scene"We'll take good care of her, I swear!"
<"No," the sydian replies sternly. "You have no idea what she even eats. Aside from dick, evidently."
Problem 1: random "<" needs removing.
Problem 2: Rask boi bust missing, this was a fresh install of the game app for Android I installed it several times only to get the same result.
---------
NPC: Sophora
scene: tarkus ambush opener.
Sophora's booming entrance - leaping through a mountain of debris and scrap - would be impressive if she weren't a crazer predator.
Problem: "Crazer" should be "crazy"
Totally not a typo in Sophora's scene, everything's absolutely perfect. Oh please God don't tell her! I WANT TO LIVE!!!
-----------
NPC: Bored Jumper - Blond
Scene: Oral combat loss
Note: 7 In one scene? Come on Will, ya killing me.
She's a little musky, maybe, laced with a spicy note of alien scent that presume must be her long-stewed body odor.
Problem 1: "presume" should be "presumably"
Problem 2: unnecessary extra comma after maybe.
--
You find your cheeks hollowing and your lips sealing down to suck her a little harder, pulling her a little deeper.Your gag reflex doesn't give you too much trouble this time, though you don't take her the entire way.
Problem 3: needs space after period
--
Meanwhile, the slut-bun's mouth is all over the lower half of your body. She's already seen to licking your thighs, your chiseled six pack, and even brought her maw down to visit your crotch.
Problem: not sure what "seen" is meant to actually be here.
--
NOTE: post can only contain 10 images. No more can be added after this point.
Tears well at the corners of your eyes while she goes balls-deep. At the same time, she kiss your button and breathes it in like oxygen. Her whiskers tickle your belly as she goes wild around the pretty clusty of nerves, tongue vibrating with near-mechanical...
Problem 5: "kiss" needs to be changed to "kisses"
Problem 6: "...pretty clusty of nerves..." I'm sure it's meant to be "cluster" but that whole line dosent sound right to me. But I think that's just me.
---
Salty hardness flexes on your tongue, then in your throat. The horny rabbit's crown balloons as (an) orgasm explodes out of her, spurting thick ropes into your gurgling gut.
Problem 7: add an "an"
