After choosing Rim Foursome, I think "the" massive pricks should be "their"?
Missing comma after "instead," and the second sentence is a fragment. Should be "disappears" instead of "disappearing:"
Same scene, double "and"s are a little hard to follow; would change "and churn" to "churning:"
Same scene, missing space between "in" and "front:"
Based on the formatting in the second graf, missing space between "touch" and the em dash in the first graf pictured here:
In Anal Foursome, "difficult" should be "difficulty:"
Missing comma after "again:"
In the second sentence, "take HER harder" should be "take Wredi harder," since the previous referent would be Sariel, and the PC is fucking Wredi:
"Horse's" should be "horses':"
Commas missing after "particularly Sariel" and after "drools." After "lovers," the sentence should be either: "so many lovers. She..." or "so many lovers, and who," because of how the pronouns are working:
Cont.
Missing comma after "instead," and the second sentence is a fragment. Should be "disappears" instead of "disappearing:"
Same scene, double "and"s are a little hard to follow; would change "and churn" to "churning:"
Same scene, missing space between "in" and "front:"
Based on the formatting in the second graf, missing space between "touch" and the em dash in the first graf pictured here:
In Anal Foursome, "difficult" should be "difficulty:"
Missing comma after "again:"
In the second sentence, "take HER harder" should be "take Wredi harder," since the previous referent would be Sariel, and the PC is fucking Wredi:
"Horse's" should be "horses':"
Commas missing after "particularly Sariel" and after "drools." After "lovers," the sentence should be either: "so many lovers. She..." or "so many lovers, and who," because of how the pronouns are working:
Cont.
