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Corruption of Champions II
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[0.7.15] Livrea Quest typos
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<blockquote data-quote="Ace Hangman" data-source="post: 442036" data-attributes="member: 40656"><p><strong>Kobold > Combat (Loss) cont.</strong></p><p></p><p>20. 'Orcs' should be capitalized, since it's the start of a sentence. I assume there's a [pc.race] type parser at play here.</p><p>[ATTACH]36129[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>21. 'effects' instead of 'affects'.</p><p>[ATTACH]36130[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>22. This doesn't make sense. At the end of the last scene, you were knocked to your knees. Then here the kobold girl has jumped on your back, supposedly pinning you, I don't know what she's pinning you to, I assumed maybe pinning your arms. Then in a bit the second warrior is hotdogging you and also rubbing your lower back, which I also can't picture being successful if you're laying prone (unless on your stomach, but that isn't the case since your getting the leader's junk in your face.</p><p>I think 'prone' is not the right word, possibly 'kneeling' or some other adjective 'submissive', 'vulnerable' etc.</p><p>[ATTACH]36131[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>23. 'Orc' should be capitalized as it's the start of a sentence.</p><p>[ATTACH]36132[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>24. Should be 'lifts' instead of 'lefts'.</p><p>[ATTACH]36133[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>25. This says there's a dick in Champ's pussy, though the second warrior is stated as pressing his conical tip against your star before pressing forward. While this could mean he moved forward to the pussy, the words imply he pressed into the Champs ass. Especially since the third warrior seems to enter this Champ's pussy just a moment later (and it's referred to as 'unused'). This could be fixed in a few ways I guess, either saying he moves forward to your pussy and presses in (assuming Champ has vag), or changing this part to being a dick in Champ's ass.</p><p>It's possible I am just reading it wrong, it's very early in the morning.</p><p>[ATTACH]36134[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>26. Should be 'for' instead of 'fort'.</p><p>[ATTACH]36135[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>27. Would be 'fulfill' with two L's instead of 'fulfil' in American English.</p><p>[ATTACH]36136[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>28. This part looks like it's only supposed to appear if maybe Champ doesn't have a dick and the kobold girl isn't involved. Probably just a parser issue.</p><p>[ATTACH]36137[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>29. Should be 'your' knot instead of 'her' knot.</p><p>[ATTACH]36138[/ATTACH]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ace Hangman, post: 442036, member: 40656"] [B]Kobold > Combat (Loss) cont.[/B] 20. 'Orcs' should be capitalized, since it's the start of a sentence. I assume there's a [pc.race] type parser at play here. [ATTACH]36129[/ATTACH] 21. 'effects' instead of 'affects'. [ATTACH]36130[/ATTACH] 22. This doesn't make sense. At the end of the last scene, you were knocked to your knees. Then here the kobold girl has jumped on your back, supposedly pinning you, I don't know what she's pinning you to, I assumed maybe pinning your arms. Then in a bit the second warrior is hotdogging you and also rubbing your lower back, which I also can't picture being successful if you're laying prone (unless on your stomach, but that isn't the case since your getting the leader's junk in your face. I think 'prone' is not the right word, possibly 'kneeling' or some other adjective 'submissive', 'vulnerable' etc. [ATTACH]36131[/ATTACH] 23. 'Orc' should be capitalized as it's the start of a sentence. [ATTACH]36132[/ATTACH] 24. Should be 'lifts' instead of 'lefts'. [ATTACH]36133[/ATTACH] 25. This says there's a dick in Champ's pussy, though the second warrior is stated as pressing his conical tip against your star before pressing forward. While this could mean he moved forward to the pussy, the words imply he pressed into the Champs ass. Especially since the third warrior seems to enter this Champ's pussy just a moment later (and it's referred to as 'unused'). This could be fixed in a few ways I guess, either saying he moves forward to your pussy and presses in (assuming Champ has vag), or changing this part to being a dick in Champ's ass. It's possible I am just reading it wrong, it's very early in the morning. [ATTACH]36134[/ATTACH] 26. Should be 'for' instead of 'fort'. [ATTACH]36135[/ATTACH] 27. Would be 'fulfill' with two L's instead of 'fulfil' in American English. [ATTACH]36136[/ATTACH] 28. This part looks like it's only supposed to appear if maybe Champ doesn't have a dick and the kobold girl isn't involved. Probably just a parser issue. [ATTACH]36137[/ATTACH] 29. Should be 'your' knot instead of 'her' knot. [ATTACH]36138[/ATTACH] [/QUOTE]
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[0.7.15] Livrea Quest typos
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