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[0.6.35] Sandra & Caera typos
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<blockquote data-quote="Ace Hangman" data-source="post: 435374" data-attributes="member: 40656"><p><strong>cont.</strong></p><p></p><p>11. Is this just written as ivory, or is it a [pc.cumColor] parser. I am certain this Champ ejaculates amber honey.</p><p>[ATTACH]33991[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p><strong>Talk > Cock Removal > subdue Sandre > Do your best</strong></p><p></p><p>Before anything else, I don't see in this scene where Sandre actually cums. Since this is a challenge to see who cums first (and it reads like the Champ is the victor), there should probably be a more definitive statement of her reaching orgasm. I see a lot of parts where it mentions her moaning, or her eyes rolling back (you can't see them in her position), or her clenching, but nothing about her actually having an orgasm before you do. Since that seems to be an integral part of the scene and challenge (and she's supposedly very competitive, despite this specific scene making her submissive from the get go), I think maybe there needs to be even a sentence or two where she's moaning and clenching and then her cock just erupting with demon spunk or her pussy shuddering with a shower of her fem-juice just to make it very clear that the Champ won. That's just my thoughts there. On with the actual typos.</p><p></p><p>12. Should probably be a [pc.cumColor] parser here, since this Champ's cum is amber honey.</p><p>[ATTACH]33992[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>Appearance > Caera</strong></p><p></p><p>13. Should probably be 'areola' instead of 'aureole'.</p><p>Areola is the pigmented skin around a mammal's nipples. an Aureole is the halo or oval used to depict an aura or halo, typically for a divine being, in a picture or depiction.</p><p>[ATTACH]33993[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p><strong>Dom Sex > Fuck Caera</strong></p><p></p><p>14. Caera is the blue demon, but in the current scene, she's disguised. I am sure there's a parser to check for them being in disguise. In this case, I think it could be 'disguised' or 'white-haired' or some other adjective other than 'blue' for when you have her in human (with tail) guise.</p><p>[ATTACH]33996[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>15. Should be 'tug upon it' or just 'tug it'.</p><p>[ATTACH]33997[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>16. 'your' instead of 'yout'.</p><p>Should also probably be 'filled' with your meat instead of full.</p><p>"<em>What is a 'yout'?</em>" –My Cousin Vinny.</p><p>[ATTACH]33998[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p>17. 'kneeling'</p><p>[ATTACH]33999[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p></p><p>18. Should be a [pc.cumColor] parser here for Champs that don't shoot ivory.</p><p>[ATTACH]34000[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p></p><p>19. Should be a [pc.cumColor] parser here.</p><p>[ATTACH]34001[/ATTACH]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ace Hangman, post: 435374, member: 40656"] [B]cont.[/B] 11. Is this just written as ivory, or is it a [pc.cumColor] parser. I am certain this Champ ejaculates amber honey. [ATTACH alt="SC11.png"]33991[/ATTACH] [B]Talk > Cock Removal > subdue Sandre > Do your best[/B] Before anything else, I don't see in this scene where Sandre actually cums. Since this is a challenge to see who cums first (and it reads like the Champ is the victor), there should probably be a more definitive statement of her reaching orgasm. I see a lot of parts where it mentions her moaning, or her eyes rolling back (you can't see them in her position), or her clenching, but nothing about her actually having an orgasm before you do. Since that seems to be an integral part of the scene and challenge (and she's supposedly very competitive, despite this specific scene making her submissive from the get go), I think maybe there needs to be even a sentence or two where she's moaning and clenching and then her cock just erupting with demon spunk or her pussy shuddering with a shower of her fem-juice just to make it very clear that the Champ won. That's just my thoughts there. On with the actual typos. 12. Should probably be a [pc.cumColor] parser here, since this Champ's cum is amber honey. [ATTACH alt="SC12.png"]33992[/ATTACH] [B]Appearance > Caera[/B] 13. Should probably be 'areola' instead of 'aureole'. Areola is the pigmented skin around a mammal's nipples. an Aureole is the halo or oval used to depict an aura or halo, typically for a divine being, in a picture or depiction. [ATTACH alt="SC13.png"]33993[/ATTACH] [B]Dom Sex > Fuck Caera[/B] 14. Caera is the blue demon, but in the current scene, she's disguised. I am sure there's a parser to check for them being in disguise. In this case, I think it could be 'disguised' or 'white-haired' or some other adjective other than 'blue' for when you have her in human (with tail) guise. [ATTACH]33996[/ATTACH] 15. Should be 'tug upon it' or just 'tug it'. [ATTACH]33997[/ATTACH] 16. 'your' instead of 'yout'. Should also probably be 'filled' with your meat instead of full. "[I]What is a 'yout'?[/I]" –My Cousin Vinny. [ATTACH]33998[/ATTACH] 17. 'kneeling' [ATTACH]33999[/ATTACH] 18. Should be a [pc.cumColor] parser here for Champs that don't shoot ivory. [ATTACH]34000[/ATTACH] 19. Should be a [pc.cumColor] parser here. [ATTACH]34001[/ATTACH] [/QUOTE]
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[0.6.35] Sandra & Caera typos
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