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Corruption of Champions II
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[0.3.31] More text errors/suggestions
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<blockquote data-quote="CrackSpaniel" data-source="post: 347404" data-attributes="member: 37273"><p>(Kohaku)</p><p>it extends all the way to her curves of her pert, squeezable butt</p><p>to her curves -> to the curves</p><p></p><p>Not that there's any naked thigh visible — black silken leggings hug her legs all the way to her high boots, and one gets the impression that the amount of thigh between the hem of her skirts and her boots has been very carefully calculated for maximum effect on anyone brave or lecherous enough to ogle.</p><p>~This feels like a reference to zettai ryouiki (absolute territory), especially the "carefully calculated" bit (the ratio is 4:1:2.5, btw). But that term is specifically for the area of exposed skin below the mini skirt and above the overknee socks/stockings, and Kohaku is explicitly stated as having no skin exposed. Probably overthinking that one <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /></p><p></p><p>Kohaku's finished all of the bookkeeping and paperwork involving in running the storehouse.</p><p>involving -> involved</p><p></p><p>You've never actually been to Jassira, but with the way Cait dresses you wouldn't be surprised.</p><p>~It's not really clear what the PC 'isn't surprised' about, but I'm guessing it's the temperature.</p><p>~I'd suggest 'with the way Cait dresses, it doesn't surprise you.'</p><p></p><p>she still reigned when I was a kitten, I still remember that</p><p>~Lose one of the 'still's</p><p></p><p>She'd change the laws at a whim so that no one would know if the ones in effect the previous day were in effect the next.</p><p>change the laws at a whim so that -> change the laws at whim so much that</p><p></p><p>You'd love to her her talk about her job...</p><p>her her -> hear her</p><p></p><p>Hmm. She said "drop off" and "pick up".</p><p>~Drop off is in italics, but pick up is not.</p><p></p><p>Kohaku pulls off a register from a nearby shelf.</p><p>pulls off a -> pulls a</p><p></p><p>he still drinks more far more sake than he ought to</p><p>drinks more far more -> drinks far more</p><p></p><p>Kohaku shuts the register with a thump and places it back atop the pile.</p><p>~The register came from a shelf</p><p></p><p>It works quite differently from what that natives of this realm are used to</p><p>from what that -> from what the</p><p></p><p>Metal goods. Salt. Wheat flour... we don't have the land for that, not after rice.</p><p>Metal goods. Salt. Wheat flour... we don't -> Metal goods, salt, wheat flour... We don't</p><p></p><p></p><p>one suppose it balances out the danger that she'd be in</p><p>one suppose -> you suppose OR one suppose -> one supposes</p><p></p><p></p><p>Since young, I've always wanted to try and fit in</p><p>Since young -> Since I was young</p><p></p><p>I wonder if there's nothing me about being uniquely me</p><p>nothing me about -> nothing... <em>me</em> about</p><p></p><p>just a superstition, [pc.ra kitsune| my [pc.mf|lord|lady]],</p><p>~If you're not kitsune, this renders as "just a superstition, ,"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrackSpaniel, post: 347404, member: 37273"] (Kohaku) it extends all the way to her curves of her pert, squeezable butt to her curves -> to the curves Not that there's any naked thigh visible — black silken leggings hug her legs all the way to her high boots, and one gets the impression that the amount of thigh between the hem of her skirts and her boots has been very carefully calculated for maximum effect on anyone brave or lecherous enough to ogle. ~This feels like a reference to zettai ryouiki (absolute territory), especially the "carefully calculated" bit (the ratio is 4:1:2.5, btw). But that term is specifically for the area of exposed skin below the mini skirt and above the overknee socks/stockings, and Kohaku is explicitly stated as having no skin exposed. Probably overthinking that one :P Kohaku's finished all of the bookkeeping and paperwork involving in running the storehouse. involving -> involved You've never actually been to Jassira, but with the way Cait dresses you wouldn't be surprised. ~It's not really clear what the PC 'isn't surprised' about, but I'm guessing it's the temperature. ~I'd suggest 'with the way Cait dresses, it doesn't surprise you.' she still reigned when I was a kitten, I still remember that ~Lose one of the 'still's She'd change the laws at a whim so that no one would know if the ones in effect the previous day were in effect the next. change the laws at a whim so that -> change the laws at whim so much that You'd love to her her talk about her job... her her -> hear her Hmm. She said "drop off" and "pick up". ~Drop off is in italics, but pick up is not. Kohaku pulls off a register from a nearby shelf. pulls off a -> pulls a he still drinks more far more sake than he ought to drinks more far more -> drinks far more Kohaku shuts the register with a thump and places it back atop the pile. ~The register came from a shelf It works quite differently from what that natives of this realm are used to from what that -> from what the Metal goods. Salt. Wheat flour... we don't have the land for that, not after rice. Metal goods. Salt. Wheat flour... we don't -> Metal goods, salt, wheat flour... We don't one suppose it balances out the danger that she'd be in one suppose -> you suppose OR one suppose -> one supposes Since young, I've always wanted to try and fit in Since young -> Since I was young I wonder if there's nothing me about being uniquely me nothing me about -> nothing... [I]me[/I] about just a superstition, [pc.ra kitsune| my [pc.mf|lord|lady]], ~If you're not kitsune, this renders as "just a superstition, ," [/QUOTE]
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