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Corruption of Champions II
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[0.3.31] More text errors/suggestions
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<blockquote data-quote="CrackSpaniel" data-source="post: 347397" data-attributes="member: 37273"><p>(Frostwood)</p><p>Our, my, ancestors thought the earthfire would keep the frost from consuming our hearts.</p><p>~I suggest 'Our... <em>my</em> ancestors thought the earthfire would keep the frost from consuming our hearts.'</p><p>~There's a couple of different ways you could handle the start of this line but using commas isn't one of them.</p><p></p><p>Pine needles mixed with the occasional leaf coat the ground, with the occasional brown-capped, tubular mushroom peering out from amongst the pine roots.</p><p>~Consider changing one of the 'occasional's to avoid the usage twice in this sentence. Also, you don't need all those commas.</p><p></p><p>Best not linger here for overlong, no matter how captivating the view.</p><p>~Overlong is not a term I'd normally use, but 'for overlong' seems to be incorrect usage.</p><p></p><p>Steep, moss-covered cliffs prevent just anyone from waltzing down to the water's edge</p><p>prevent just anyone from -> prevent anyone from just</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrackSpaniel, post: 347397, member: 37273"] (Frostwood) Our, my, ancestors thought the earthfire would keep the frost from consuming our hearts. ~I suggest 'Our... [I]my[/I] ancestors thought the earthfire would keep the frost from consuming our hearts.' ~There's a couple of different ways you could handle the start of this line but using commas isn't one of them. Pine needles mixed with the occasional leaf coat the ground, with the occasional brown-capped, tubular mushroom peering out from amongst the pine roots. ~Consider changing one of the 'occasional's to avoid the usage twice in this sentence. Also, you don't need all those commas. Best not linger here for overlong, no matter how captivating the view. ~Overlong is not a term I'd normally use, but 'for overlong' seems to be incorrect usage. Steep, moss-covered cliffs prevent just anyone from waltzing down to the water's edge prevent just anyone from -> prevent anyone from just [/QUOTE]
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