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<blockquote data-quote="CrackSpaniel" data-source="post: 347396" data-attributes="member: 37273">(Frostwood)By now, the trail has completely petered out, and even if there were one wouldn't want to tread on bare ground anyway.~Consider &quot;even if there were one, one wouldn't want to tread on the bare ground here anyway&quot; or &quot;even if it hadn't, one wouldn't want to tread on the bare ground here, anyway&quot;~We are presumably saying the character would not want to step on the ground in this specific location, rather than them having a general aversion to walking on soil.You beat back the tangled vines with your [pc.weapon] in a bid to extricate yourself from the situation, but don't manage to get out without several scraped from the vicious vegetation.scraped -&gt; scrapesfaintest of paths eastward, though a particularly rocky patch of forest that leads towards a number of hills.though -&gt; throughclinging to the warmth of the seawater where here on the surface there's only ice and hoarfrost.~This is part of a paragraph of text talking about the valley that's reused a few times in this area. Consider changing &quot;where here on the surface&quot; to &quot;while up here&quot;; &quot;here on the surface&quot; implies that the area you are talking about is below the surface, ie. inside the ground, when in fact it is just at a much lower level than the player.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="CrackSpaniel, post: 347396, member: 37273"] (Frostwood) By now, the trail has completely petered out, and even if there were one wouldn't want to tread on bare ground anyway. ~Consider "even if there were one, one wouldn't want to tread on the bare ground here anyway" or "even if it hadn't, one wouldn't want to tread on the bare ground here, anyway" ~We are presumably saying the character would not want to step on the ground in this specific location, rather than them having a general aversion to walking on soil. You beat back the tangled vines with your [pc.weapon] in a bid to extricate yourself from the situation, but don't manage to get out without several scraped from the vicious vegetation. scraped -> scrapes faintest of paths eastward, though a particularly rocky patch of forest that leads towards a number of hills. though -> through clinging to the warmth of the seawater where here on the surface there's only ice and hoarfrost. ~This is part of a paragraph of text talking about the valley that's reused a few times in this area. Consider changing "where here on the surface" to "while up here"; "here on the surface" implies that the area you are talking about is below the surface, ie. inside the ground, when in fact it is just at a much lower level than the player. [/QUOTE]

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