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edited based on all the feed back I have gotten thus far. Probably can use more proof reading before I tempt to submit it

understood I changed it

gotcha i'll try to look it over and get back to rewriting the stuff in the near future. that's fine I am not expecting so now I just want to get more reference points up for viewing cause people can get a sense for my 'flow' if that makes sense

what is considered a weak verb ? Nah I know you aren't; it's painful to read and yah I am slightly discouraged but I am not upset cause I know what you are trying to say is only to help me out as a writer. English has always been a weak subject for me when it comes to writing and such like...

And now its been edited though I can't say it is perfect. First time doing this kind of thing I hope its good enough to at least not be a terrible mess to find the errors wherever they are in it.

gotcha and thank you that is very helpful. As I type this I am actually trying to edit it so it has a similar setup to what you shared with me. It might not be perfect but it's a starting point right ? This was my first time doing something like this ever so I just wrote up the scene first so I...

better? just so you are aware, they way you typed that came off as very hostile.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12vHY2iKFFTnxyNukg__FNJepSwama7niqY6GWrRFCws/edit?usp=sharing Please note this is my first time doing any real writing in years so please understand I am not great at grammar and spelling. This is also my first attempt at submitting anything for a game in...