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You're improving. Nice to see the journey of a baby artist. Looking forward to more of your work.

It sounds like you are going for a mind break hero to zero deal. I'd advise you to write a chapter in each, say ten pages. Go with the concept that resonates strongest, the one you're most willing to see through to finish. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with.

The author's note at the beginning was a major red flag. You are missing a synopsis. I was left with the extremely vague "Sci-Fi" label and considering the forum you shared it on - it was pretty much a shot in the dark. When I suggested the serial I was referring to breaking up the post length...

I'll level with you, I only read the first chapter - all 67 pages of it. My irreconcilable issues are with the abysmal pacing, lack of conflict, and the passive main character. Also, your pitch betrays a lack of confidence in your own writing which I find distasteful. To make matters worse, you...

I believe your game is too early for public release. There is precious little content and what is there is not implemented well enough to maintain interest. I do not mean that as an insult, merely remarking there is no element which truly makes your game stand out from the extensive library of...

BIO Name: Tanksley Hardgrove Pronouns: He/Him Age: 25 Role: Guardians Species: Human Nationality: USA Background Tank enlisted in the Army in search of adventure, the return to the bottom rung of the Rat Race left him cold. He found himself tempted by easy money and almost relented in a...

With great effort Grushal extracts himself from the debris. He takes a moment to ensure his gold is secure before assisting the others.

GRUSHAL springs up, tucking the shiv in his sleeve. "Trouble on the horizon." He looks to the BARMAN, "I take it your accounts are settled?" The Dwarf is thinking of his recent haul, weighing whether to lie low amongst the patrons or trying to find a crawlspace to hole up in. Gods he dreaded...

Grushal placed his shiv flat on the bar. Satisfied the bartender would keep the hotblooded Human in check, he addressed the proprietor. "The midge was being shadowed by two Bluefin goons." He shrugged noncomittally. "Almost considered it a civic duty." The dwarf tilts his hand in rapid...

Grushal felt his face grow hot, fingers reflexively brushing the shiv in his pocket. No. He'd gotten his money and at relatively little risk. Best to press on with the long con. "That's a helluva hero's welcome for the one who saved your life!". He leans conspiratorially toward the Elf, "Milk...

Grushal watched the retreating Bluefin until he was out of sight. Satisfied there would be no attempt of retribution, he turned his attention towards the fallen cutpurse. Kneeling, the Dwarf relieved him of his lucre laden sacks and pig iron shiv. He started to walk away before whipping about...

Grushal's breath quickened as he caught sight of the pretty midge. Thick hips and a purse fit to burst! By the Gods, his luck had not abandoned him yet! Normally he'd bowl over the broad over but there was the matter of the damned Bluefins, who even now were making their presence known. They had...

First light and Grushal is stalking the Clementine ghetto, looking for a mark. He had circled the bazaar twice and found to his surprise, a couple of Bluefin bravos with cudgel and blade. The sheep were growing wise to his game. Like squeezing blood from a stone! An empty street in the company...

Room for one more, I hope? Name: Grushal Black Dwarf - Male - 24 HP 18/18 STR 13 (+1), DEX 10, CON 10, INT 8 (-1), WIS 9, CHA (-1) Stout and squat, with bushy black unkempt beard, and gold capped tooth. Grushal boasts the impressive physique of a day laborer, a crooked nose, and shit-eating...