Recent content by teawolf

Centaur Village corruption is coming out after Mayternity.

In Rim Sixty-Nine (which I think applies to her Cured Sex option in the fields as well, just the lead-in is different): extra comma after "fingers." This one's specific to the Village scene--this graf belongs at the end of the field scene, not in the Village: In Rut, (which I think also...

Thank you again! These are sincerely very cool.

Oh cool! And yeah, these look good to me!!! I gave an example, but I think the one remaining issue in the halo one is that the subjects repeat, so it's hard to keep things in order, if that makes sense. I gave it a shot but feel free not to use!

Gave it another look! This time I pulled up the in-game options, so most of my comments are based on those as examples. In general, the ones in-game are a sentence long, maybe two, so particularly look at how you can simplify your descriptions! There are a couple of in-game styles that I think...

These are really fun... I noted some places where the language was hard to follow, or the punctuation needed cleaning up. Thanks!

"Into" should be "onto:" All for now! Ta!

After choosing Rim Foursome, I think "the" massive pricks should be "their"? Missing comma after "instead," and the second sentence is a fragment. Should be "disappears" instead of "disappearing:" Same scene, double "and"s are a little hard to follow; would change "and churn" to "churning:"...

Continuing with SarielQuest, on returning to the Marefolk Village, comma splice in this sentence. Comma after "her" should be a period or an em-dash: After fighting the boar, missing comma after "if you've noticed:" In the next scene, period after "with" should be a comma: When visiting...

On the tile just north of the Alarune, there's a missing verb. The path "continues"? "goes"? "turns"? "finds its way"? On the grounds tile of the Wayfort (pre-upgrades), should be "lies the gate" or "lie the gates:" Back to Sariel!

Missing comma after "droops:" On the Waystone tile in the Centaur Village and the tile south of it (same description), should be "nutrient-rich, cold-resistant food:" Seeing Taldahs for the first time after freeing the CV from corruption. Missing comma after "face to face:" Discussing the...

When finding a Double Pupperidge Pepper, "there's" should be "there are:" When encountering the Centaur Pack, comma needed after "spotting you." Short enough phrase it could go without one, usually, but the rest of the sentence is long enough the comma helps: After defeating the Centaurs...

Log: [New] Vulperine Hunters [Queue] SarielQuest

Continuing in the same scene, next screen. Googling, I think "onyx" in this context isn't used the way "ruby" would be--the hits I'm getting are for "polished onyx stone," with "onyx" acting as an adjective: Camping in HV & inviting Etheryn for sex, there's a mention of her as "queen" that I'm...

SICK